Treatment

My journey has led me here. This is what I've gotten so far

         So I've been in treatment going on a month now and while it appears to be going amazingly the fact if the master is I'm still terrified. It's not that I'm afraid of getting high or drunk again but maybe I've set my expectations for myself at an unreasonable height. We always hear this talk of there's no limits to what we can do. Or there's no proverbial ceiling, but what if that doesn't ring true for everyone?What if there are caps on people's capabilities?Now clearly I didn't mean in the physical aspect cause there's no way I can achieve the same results that Olympians are able to. I'm in a program called miracles and I only ended up here by the grace of God. I have recently hit what I think of as my rock bottom. I was running from the police in the middle of January with no shoes on in the middle of a corn field. I don't know how many people are from Nebraska but if you are privileged enough to be from this fine state you'd know that frozen cornstalks are not fun to walk or run on. I woke up the next morning in a ravine bloody and almost frozen to death.Two days later I was in jail.Three weeks after that II was in treatment or rehab if you want to be rude about it.There's so much more to tell, like how I got from there to where I'm at now. I'd love to share my whole story I'm just not sure if anyone wants to hear a story about a junkie who found God.So if you don't want to you don't have to keep up with me but there's a lot of laughs, a lot of cries,and even a couple pearls of knowledge dropped in along the way.
I guess I should start in the beginning.Isn't that how this should go?My name is Samuel and I grew up in suburban Nebraska. I wasn't in the ghetto or even exposed to an unhealthy lifestyle until my teenage years but once I saw and felt the effects of drugs and alcohol I was all the way on board.
Seeing as how I'm not a professional author or even a short story extraordinaire I'm not sure how to get the ball rolling with this but I'm willing to give it my best shot. I was born in Maine to Kenny and Theresa.They were both so young and so in love, at least that's how the story goes,that they got married and divorced and just to make sure they got it wrong they did it again.Same result.My Mom was an alcoholic, some might say she still is but this isn't to air out Mama's business just giving some background. Kenny on the other hand was addicted to coke and an alcoholic and God knows whatever else.Once my auntie told me that hell Sam it was the eighties everyone was on coke.I'm not sure how accurate that was but I don't think she'd blow smoke up my back end for no reason. My mom once told me that my Dad was the best man she ever knew he was just sick.Turns out I know that sickness all to well, in fact I'm living it.Dad died when I was seven so I never got to know that great man my mom speaks of but that's how I carry him in my heart.There was an awful accident at his work where he got pulled into some gears and was crushed.My Grandma said that the doctor's could have saved him but somehow he still ended up passing.Anyways that's almost too much to put in here but I'm trying to really a picture here. After my parents second divorce my mom met another man and we moved with him to Nebraska from Maine. I was only five or six at this point.It's how the more I write about my past the more II remember.
I remember my mom and I driving to Lackawanna, New York for Dad's funeral and I was just learning to read and I read the little warning on the side mirror that says objects in mirror are closer than they appear.My mom was so ecstatic.She was all baby you're so smart and I'm so proud of you.Its wild what we're able to recall from our childhood. I was so innocent then, it seems like forever ago.Anyways back to the story, my dad's funeral was an open casket and he didn't look like him, II was walked over and expected to grieve over a man II didn't recognize. Later my mom told me to forget that image of him, that's not the way to keep his memory. My grandma Lily was devastated, he was her baby. I'll never forget her screams from the pain of her heart breaking.This part is kinda messing me up so I'm gonna have to take a break