The Serenity Prayer

Something I wrote in July 2000.

The Serentity Prayer

The Serenity Prayer: “God grant me the serenity to accept those things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.”

The prayer has come to my attention recently as I was reading a novel, Where Yesterday Lives by Karen Kingsbury. It is a prayer I learned as a young child that helped me get through the most difficult of days as a child with cerebral palsy (cp). I had to endure the ridicules, the stares, and the other cruel acts that kids say to hurt their classmates that are ‘different’.

The prayer now has a richer meaning today as I look back on my life and spiritual journey I have walked thus far. I read the prayer at the precise moment in my life because it is a reminder not to dwell on the questions that surround my birth. I just have to accept that something tragic indeed happened causing me to be disabled today and that my parents are partially at fault for the results. The guilt that surrounds those events is so strong that the truth will not be revealed in this life that I am now living.

The thing that I need to look and strive towards is the events I am able to change. They are the present and future. The past has already been written but it is up to me to define my present in such a way that brings meaning to me. The future is also available for defining and re-defining. My goals, aspirations and dreams are all up for grabs and can change at anytime depending on the circumstances I find my physical, emotional, and spiritual self.

Wow, what a freeing feeling to know that I have the power to shape my present and future in ways that will aide in my growing and learning process of this life. The goal for me over this next year along this spiritual journey is to find out who Melia is as a person and family member.

Just in the last 24-hours it has come to my attention that I will again be living with family from whom I was so glad to get away from, five years ago, in the first place. My husband, my son and I are moving back to California where I grew up and we will be staying briefly with my parents (Mom and step-dad). This would not be so bad if it were not for the fact that my Mom is a controlling and defines who the family is and what they do. I need to learn to take charge and remind her that I am part of another family unit that means a lot to me and in no uncertain circumstance am I going to allow her to define my lifestyle.

I am scared. This will be the first time that I am in a position to set some ground rules. I will have to be firm and have the wisdom to do the things that I feel is best for my family and me. I must stay strong and not give into the control my mother has over the entire family. I in no way want my family to be defined as being like or unlike my sister’s family. I had too much of that growing up and quite honestly will not handle the pressure again.

The other circumstance I want to re-define in my future is how I deal with relationships of any sorts. In the past, instead of wading things through and working out the kinks I simply would abandon the relationship instead of dealing with the issues. I learned this from my family that was so good at letting issues slide and never again bringing up a way to solve the problem. I want to learn to talk things through until there is a compromised resolution by all parties involved. I want people to see me as a winner not a loser or dropout. I want to get through the tough times and still have a relationship in the end. This issue applies to both my personal and working environment.

Lord, please grant me the serenity to move ahead in my life and only go back in time long enough to get my message written for others to learn about being a person with a disability, amen.