Blink

about who i really am, all of my shortcomings that no one wants to know of

i clear my throat force a smile
swiftly i embody all of my lies,
it feels second nature by now
i brush hair back from my face
trying remarkably hard to radiate
an easygoing ‘who cares’ sort of vibe
i wonder if it works
a longing pain rips through my core
its so fucking hard hiding me
how incredible would it be
to find someone who could
accept this thing
that cant figure out who she is
or what she wants in life
who ignores her college acceptance letters
who puts off homework so she can stare at her wall
who chugs cherry vodka so she can say hi
who defies her teachers and her family so she can say she has
who has all the potential but would rather live her life a tragedy
even i cant accept this thing
this subhuman ive become
i have no willpower or ability to gain back what ive lost
maybe another time.