Every Rose Has Its Thorns

What can the 80's teach us about heartbreak? Reasons to hate Bret Michaels

Every Rose Has Its Thorns (or Why I Hate Bret Michaels)


“I hate Bret Michaels,” I said taking aim at the 7-ball which was resting perilously close to the edge of the corner pocket.

Brian gave me a laugh watching the cue ball strike into its sought after target and bounce away to line up the next shot. “Of all the 80’s hair rockers, your biggest anger is towards the front man from Poison? What happened Kyle? Were Vince Neil and the guys from Cinderella not talentless enough to spew anger from you?”

“No, you knew going in that Motley Crue and Cinderella had no talent. They had nothing to hide. But that insidious Michaels should be put in jail for his con man act.”

“You’re not still bitter over ‘Every Rose Has It’s Thorns?’”

“You’re damn right I’m still bitter, and I have every right to be.” Just thinking about that long haired fraud messed with my concentration, causing me to fire off center and send the 8-ball in the wrong direction. “Through that damn song he hypnotized every woman on this planet into thinking that he was this overly romantic Mr. Right who had his heart unjustly ripped out. Every girl fell for that trick. How many girls do you think he slept with per tour? Four digits? Five perhaps? And it couldn’t have been for his looks, the dude looks like a lady.”

“Girls have this extra sympathy sense, I mean the poor guy just had his heart ripped out. Girls always want to help those tortured souls.”

“Like hell they do because not a single one of them seems to care about me and my case is real, not just in some made up song.”

Brian eyed down the 8-ball and ran the cue ball down the bumper, slamming the black sphere into the abyss of the corner pocket. “I don’t know, that’s a very romantic song. Girls are easily swayed by that.”

“No they aren’t! I’m romantic and none of them could give a damn about me!”

“Sounds like a jealously thing there Kyle. I mean ‘Don’t Know What You Got Till It’s Gone’ is a very sappy break up song but no one ever credits Cinderella for being romantic. Heck, they aren’t even on your hate list.”

“So you’re calling me the Cinderella of the romantic world?”

“Nah, I don’t think you’re hair is shaggy enough, although Damn Yankees were pretty sappy and they never really got credit for it either. Maybe they’d fit you better.” Brian tapped the far corner pocket indicating his shot, and with flawless execution proceeded to place the game-winning 9-ball in the designated location.

“You know, just for once I want to be the Ratt of the world. You know, ‘I knew right from the beginning that you would end up winning, I knew right from the start-“

“You put an arrow through my heart,’” Brian finished up my lyric. “But remember, Ratt was still an 80’s hair band. How many groupies do you think they had waiting for them in their dressing rooms? They aren’t as innocent and romantic as you think.”

“Am I not even in the right ballpark then with how romance is supposed to work? Is this why Emily broke my heart without even an explanation? I mean she could have at least given me a reason. Tell me I’m ugly, or she doesn’t like how I dress, or-“

“That she doesn’t like your music?” Brian cut in again laughing. At least he was enjoying the night. “Hate to say it but I haven’t really met many girls who go crazy for guys that sing with hair longer than their own.”

“Seemed like there were enough to go around for Bret Michaels, Cinderella, and Ratt. Yet in all my life I only am able to find one girl who actually really cares for me, then she abandons me just like that.”

“Yikes Kyle, you are really still that upset over the whole Emily thing. It’s been what now… weeks?”

“You just can’t abandon someone like that after being with them so long. That’s just wrong!”

“Well you know what they say, every rose has its thorns.”

I could have killed him right then and there.

“Either take the break or I’ll break your legs.” I muttered back.

“Don’t be so angry towards me just because you’re blaming your break-up on Bret Michaels.”

“Are you saying that Emily left me for Bret Michaels?”

“Of course not. He’s so old and washed up, I wouldn’t even leave you for Bret Michaels.”

“Thanks Brian, glad to know I’ve always got that going for me. Too bad I’m still losing the romantic battle.”

“Oh just give it a rest for a moment. What Emily did to you was certainly not right and I understand it was extremely painful, but you
know what you can do about it? Nothing! You’ll just have to get back into the game and try for love again.”

“After so long love only has found me once and I think it’s ruined me from now on. I’m not sure I want it anymore.”

“But that’s the beauty of what love and romance is. You never know when it can happen, and most always it’s when you least expect it.”

“So what you’re trying to say is that-“

“Yup,” he cut me off again, “’Heaven Isn’t Too Far Away’… if you’ll warrant me to say so,” and then wound up his cue stick and fired the opening salvo of the new game.

“So you’re saying I should really stop trying and just wait for love to come and find me?”

“Not exactly. You still have to hold up your end of the bargain and try, but you just never know when you might accidentally find that one person you’re looking for.”

I looked over the table seeing that none of the balls had disappeared and pointed my billiard weapon to the yellow 1-ball. “Accidentally doesn’t work in the world of romance. I could be aiming to put the 1-ball into that corner pocket there, but accidentally put in the 8 instead. So how would I accidentally fall in love? Please don’t tell me that I should be aiming for a red-head across the bar and accidentally go home with the blonde instead.”

“And what if you were supposed to meet that blonde on that night instead? Now you’re fighting against this romance that you’ve been championing yourself over. That makes you a bigger fraud than Bret Michaels.”

“But I’ve got nothing to hide! Michaels hid behind his words of falsehood and deception.”

Brian calmed his voice and looked over the table. “Yeah, well Emily must have had something to hide. You don’t like 80’s rockers for living through lies, but you can’t empty your heart of a girl who is no better. You want to know why romance won’t find you again… because you won’t let it come to you. It could accidentally come through that door as a blonde, a redhead, or a Cinderella groupie. Who’s to say that it hasn’t already come, but you’ve been so preoccupied with Emily that you’ve been hiding yourself from love and romance. It’s not right what she did to you, but there isn’t anything you can do. Every rose has its thorns, but every thorn also has its rose. If Emily was hiding something from you, it probably wasn’t good and would have been the reason why you two crumbled. Then you’d be here harassing me about how some other hair rocker is causing your heart ache. There’s only one way out of this pit you’ve created yourself. Now take your shot or else I’ll go play a Poison song on that jukebox.”

I looked to the jukebox in the corner and sighed before returning my gaze to Brian. “Actually here’s fifty cents, accidentally go play me some Damn Yankees. I guess that’s the best place to start right?”

He could only laugh. “One day you’re romantic credit will come and someone will take you high enough. You just have to accidentally be ready for it.”