by Anakha Anand
It is just a simple blog of my life.
For the Anonymous who upgraded my account membership|
Today morning when I opened my eyes, sunlight was streaming through the window. I could hear birds chirping and the temperature was cool and calm. As this was one of the Saturdays which was a holiday, I had nothing to look forward to. Being lazy, I pulled my sheet back on top of my head and tried to sleep again. My roommate had gone home. Thinking of the cold shower, I mentally argued about going to the cold drafty and echoing bathroom and taking a bath. After some time, as my mind won't shut up, I sighed and dragged myself off the bed, stepping onto something. There was this small pop and I looked down to see my watch broken. What a great start to the morning. My only watch. After cleaning that mess up, I swept the floor, wiped the table and cleaned my shelf. I took a shivering bath and then I went to the mess hall where I ate my breakfast. It was tasteless, but I was glad to have it as I know many people in this world do not have food or shelter. I finished what I took on my plate washed it and kept it back.
I switched on my laptop and watched some Youtube. I craved home food. Switching it back off, I went to sleep. I woke up around noontime and started going through my writing.com account, noting that nothing was new and as I had no mood to write, I closed my laptop and went to study. At 9:00 pm I got my phone. I had been looking forward to it. After talking to my family and my friends, I handed over my phone to the warden and opened my laptop to see a few unread emails. One of them said
"You've Received An UPGRADED Membership! " ( I was stunned.)
I couldn't believe it. I opened that mail
You have received an anonymous gift of Upgraded Membership! The individual(s) who gave you this gift wishes to remain anonymous, so, unfortunately, we can't tell you who it was! :)
The following Gift Message was included:
Review on and enjoy! :)
I wanted to thank the person who opened an opportunity I thought I never will have. Words are not enough to represent my gratitude. Thank you so much for making my day great.
"Give and Take"
|After eating dinner, I listened to music.... And as there were too many people around, I couldn't dance. Well, controlling myself, I went and sat down in the park bench in front of our hostel. I closed my eyes and forgot everything around me. Suddenly something grazed my ankles. My heart stopped. The place where I am sitting is a famous spot for snakes. Being as still as I can, I looked down.
Well, it was a cat. A cat! I relaxed my frozen body and looked at the naughty girl who scared me. She jumped up onto my lap and curled up purring contently. ( by the way, I do not have pet cats, its a stray.) I was surprised. What made this cat choose me as its cushion? I don't know. Well, I started petting this cat, she went to sleep. Phone time was over I had to get up, but this cat..... sleeping on my lap... Ah! so I gave my phone to my friend. She kept it back into the phone room. The room was then locked. The key is taken away by the warden. I was thinking about all the work that I had to do and this cat is on my lap sleeping. Then I decided I really truly needed a break and slept the night in the park bench. I felt the cat jumping off lightly from my lap, and I groggily went to my room, changed my dress and went to sleep.
The cat made me relaxed for some time. I thank her. And now back to work.
|Unexpectedly today became a holiday. Well as I had some time in my hand I decided to do nothing. And here I am doing something, writing. I don't know what to write. Seriously, the past three hours I have been scribbling nonsense into my notepad. But somehow the nonsense is making sense. Here it goes... The Nonsense Poem. (please don't laugh)
Some early yolk kid
Drown neat troop poop
Penguin nausea anaesthesia amidst
Tank kite elephant tantrums
Save earth hug gorillas
Shackles snorted drooled died
Droopy yawning gin nest
Tawny yard dung gas
Super realistic cucumber rafting
Gooey yellow water rising
Gross solidarity yummy yell
Love enthusiastic collagen nematode
Enigmatic carrots soaped drums
Sassy youngster rotted dreary
Younger ring ghost trails
Single ember roamed doomed
Dreamed dusted dropped danced
Ding goose epilepsy yarn
Nose echoed dong gun
No ogling gutter rim
Drunk kinky yak kitty
Yes smoked does shaped
Dank kiss s*** test.
|First, my seminar was on, it was amazing, all of my classmates loved it. Well, the next was the blood donation. Packing up my courage, I went to the classroom turned into a camp sort of place and there my weight and HB was checked. My weight was proper, unfortunately, my HB was low so... I couldn't Donate blood. That made me sad, extremely so. Then came the next seminar...which wasn't taken due to the absence of the teacher, that made me sad. The presentation was due tomorrow, and well thats that. Then as tomorrow is Keralapiravi Dhinam, (the day Kerala was supposed to be born, in mythology.) and I had to wear a colour dress,( a traditional one) which I had none made me even sadder. Later, when my friends looked exasperated as I asked them to review a poem that I wrote, I just wanted to disappear. Feeling sad, and as the teachers were busy in preparation for this festival, I went to sleep. Just when I went to sleep, a teacher came in called me and two other students of my class, I thought it might be some punishment, I refused to "wake" up. Then she told the whole class as we three were avid readers, we were going to be awarded something tomorrow as the part of a program. I was ashamed. Well after that, I was given a job at the food stall that all the English students are putting up and I was asked to 'collect" money from my class (who would not even spare a penny for themselves) as donations. Aside from all that, me being clumsy and my head being in the clouds, I fell embarrassingly in front of all my classmates, hurting my knee, (barely) and everyone just stared at me... They did not even laugh! that was creepy, that was when I noticed that a teacher was in the class. If I am being so clumsy and being afraid of silly things and getting sad at everything that I know, how will I fare in the Navy where I am planning to go? God knows. Well, thats all I have to write -the most horrible day ever. ( and it might be nothing compared to other people's day... that makes me embarrassed.)
|Tomorrow is the day when I am going to donate blood for the first time in my whole life. It is a camp done by the hospital nearby, and me, the person who is afraid of needles in my arm ...is going to donate blood! My heart says go ahead you can do this. But my mind, (the most horrible thing in the whole wide world) incessantly is bugging me about the fact that I am afraid of needles and that I should back off. But I won't. Nothing can deter me from doing a good thing. (even though laziness mostly overpowers me from being punctual.... look at this blog for example...) I am in a very tight spot. I have one presentation and two seminars coming up as work for tomorrow. (all of it is for my class and not for any big unknown scary judgemental audience.) You see I have not prepared for it, that's why I am in a tight spot... It affects my internal marks. And look at what I am doing! instead of preparing for it, I am sitting here, in my room writing my blog... And oh! my exam papers will start flowing in!! ( what a " great" thing to look forward to- needles, results, and seminars.) Pray for me.
|For the past few days, I did not get a wink of sleep. Today I had my first set of exams. First, American literature which I did amazingly and the next, Life writing which I did poorly. For tomorrow, I have Victorian Fiction and Advanced Communication. I will not be writing my blog for a few days because I have a lot on my plate. Please pray for good marks. I do not want my hard work to go in vain. Well, today during the exam, I was sleeping and my pen was writing of its own accord. (weird right?) The thing is exams tire me a lot, mentally. This is when I get the most amount of writer's block. On the contrary, sorrow makes me write. And it will not be me writing, it will be the sorrow that is running through my veins writing all that I have written. I had gone to a camp from my college a few days back. The camp taught any Indian traditional artform of our choosing. I took a leap of faith and joined Kalari Payattu. (a kind of martial art ) It was amazing. After learning that art 6 hours a day for a week, the demonstration that we did was a success. People enjoyed it very much. That made me enjoy it. It made me free, mentally calm and physically strong. I never knew I could do the complex poses that they asked me to. Wow, I was amazed at myself. What I performed was Kalari Vandhanam (meaning Kalari salutation). Oh, too much time has gone by, got to study, bye.
| It has been raining here incessantly from last night. The temperature was cold, it was difficult to sleep. I had dreams after a long time. It was beautiful. The sky was a gradient from pink to orange. The clouds were on fire. Gentle raindrops fell like crystal beads. The trees were lime green against the grey sky. The grass swayed like waves in the wind. A lone kid playing on a lonely beach. The sea was green and blue and white. The sand was golden. The mango coloured sun was rising from its sleep. A tornado crashing across a forest. lightning in the background. I just saw a lot of colourful scenes.
Exams are 'round the corner. Feeling stressed out, I was searching for something. (The problem is I did not know what I wanted.) Walking here and there for no reason made my roommate ask "Are you all right?", Murmuring "Mmhm" I went back to my search. Somehow I had taken a Tennis racket and had hit not only myself but my roommate and had broken my vase. (I forgot to mention that I stubbed my toe and had broken my toenail.) What was I searching for, I still don't know. Now after coming back from the hospital, and eating my breakfast, I am sitting here wondering what to write. All that I have in my mind is related to my upcoming exams. It feels so silly to write them down. And now I am bored. I guess I was a little too absent-minded today. And a little too over-stressed. Writing this gave me a break from my stress. Got to study. Bye.
It grips me like a trap.
It makes me feel like crap.
Why do people not understand?
I just want a hand.
All because I am different,
And just because I read
I am no stranger to
People who ignore me.
These people once spoke to me
They were my friends.
These people made me lonely.
And now I have no friends.
I am the one to blame me
'Cause I had some friends.
If I hadn't been so dependent.
I would now be happy.
Now those people, those "friends"
Told something about me,
That made the "other people" to
Stop mingling with me.
I don't know what they said,
And I don't know if it is true.
That I am so weird
That people hate me.
It is ok if they hate me
It's not ok for me to feel alone
Though there are people around me.
I am now homesick,
'Cause the people there accept me
As who I am
I just want a helping hand
and a person that cares
all I want is to be not lonely.
Loneliness makes me want
To hate all the people
That I know.
It forces me not to trust
All the people that I know.
I wish I could have somebody who would listen to me and understand me and not force me to change myself into another person. I wish I could have a person listen to my worries and concerns and would try to solve them for me. I wish that I could console that person when He/She is depressed. I wish I had a guiding hand who would tell me what to do right. I wish I could go home. I wish my diary could speak and feel.
Books make me feel at home. They are the only ones that understand me. I write in them and read from them. They make my world.
Silently, uncomplainingly she does a lot for me. She is there for me even if I hurt her through my words. She reprimands me for my wrongs, she gives me a shoulder to cry on, she provides me with the solution to all my problems. She listens to my worries, silently taking them in, while all her worries are buried inside her heart. She makes me laugh when all goes wrong. She is my love. She is the one who wakes me up every morning. She treats me when I get sick. She never cares about herself...., she cares about me. When she smiles, her eyes light up brighter than sunlight. She makes my day, she also breaks my day. She is the one who truly loves me. She keeps her needs aside for me. She is my world. It breaks me to leave her. Now that I am far away, I cannot see her. She is my mother - the most wonderful person in the world. I miss her. All I want is to be with her forever.
She looked around. Wiping her tears, she took a deep breath. She knew what was next. She knew that the beauty of the place is going to fade. The place will become a chamber of horror. She looked around one more time, one last time. The sky was grey, the water below it sombre. The wind kissed her hair, saying goodbye. The water far below was silent. She wanted to feel its protective embrace as she perished. She thought of discarding the idea. She wanted to wither only in the water. She wanted to go away from this misery. She got ready to jump. After death, she would be free. She bent as low as possible, to fall head-first. In her mind, she imagined performing a great dive into the water. She looked down slowly and tilted herself towards the water and let herself go. She felt the air charge at her, and she fell…
The road to the house was jammed. It was bright and cheery, unlike the mood of the souls. “The child has withered” somebody muttered. Inside the house, the grieving mother sobbed “Why did you go without saying goodbye?”. The funeral began later in the evening with all the gloom and silence nature could provide. The sky turned grey, the mood grave, souls sobbed, spirits stared…all was as dumb as the dead.
How is it? I am thinking of making it part of a story..
Well, today my day was horrible because nothing productive happened at all. All I want to do is to swim in the world of books. The scenery outside was beautiful. The sky was crying like my mind. I wanted something new. At night it started raining again. But this time it was exquisitely illuminated by lightning and thunder. The lightning reminded me of camera flashes. The thunder reminded me of the crashing waves. The heavy cool rain mixed with thunder and lightning made me feel nostalgic. I wanted to walk outside without my umbrella and walk barefoot on the sloshy grass.
I wanted to lay down on that grass and feel the rain wiping out my tears of boredom. Here the rain is common, I love the rain when it is almost ending. The gentle, silent and relaxing drops of the rain that falls like crystal beads. And the usual rainbow that brightens the grey sky with its colours, brightens my mood, makes me smile. Sometimes when I am sleeping, the sound of thunder makes me feel like I am under the ocean and the waves are crashing above me. Sometimes I feel like I am under the floor of the bowling arena and the bowling ball is rolling over me. The lightning illuminates the dark night into a glimpse of the day, like how hope illuminates our dark days.
Childishly, I wanted to splash in the mud when it rains. The rains reminded me of my childhood when I used to make paper boats and let them "sail" the sewer overflowing with muddy water and I also remember the days where I did not use my umbrella and get soaked purposefully while reaching home from school. Somehow rain always fell according to my emotional state
What does rain mean to you?