Each day feels new, and my memory of the one before is faint. Iām learning to adapt. |
|
In September 2019, a seizure revealed a lime-sized meningioma pressed against my hippocampusāthe part of the brain that governs memory and language. The doctors said it was benign, but benign didnāt mean harmless. Surgery removed the tumor, and three days later I opened my eyes to a new reality. I could walk, I could talk, but when I looked at my wife, her name was gone. I called her Preciousāthe only word I could find. A failure of memory, yet perhaps the truest name of all. Recovery has been less cure than re-calibration. Memory gaps are frequent. Conversations vanish. I had to relearn how to write, letter by halting letter. My days are scaffold by alarms, notes, and calendars. When people ask how I am, I donāt list symptoms or struggles. I simply say, āSeven Degrees Left of Center.ā Itās not an answerāitās who Iāve become. |
This is my experience with short term memory lose. I loose the good thoughts. Like what I planned on writing today. I was excited and ready to hit the keyboard. Then it happened. The good thought vanished. What makes it worse is days like today. I know, I know there was a good thought there. Not anymore. Today is when the frustration is strong and deep. Today is when I ask why do I keep trying to write? It is for the good thoughts. They don't always vanish. Sometimes. They stick around. So here is to those thoughts. The ones that get to stay. |