Each day feels new, and my memory of the one before is faint. I’m learning to adapt. |
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In September 2019, a seizure revealed a lime-sized meningioma pressed against my hippocampus—the part of the brain that governs memory and language. The doctors said it was benign, but benign didn’t mean harmless. Surgery removed the tumor, and three days later I opened my eyes to a new reality. I could walk, I could talk, but when I looked at my wife, her name was gone. I called her Precious—the only word I could find. A failure of memory, yet perhaps the truest name of all. Recovery has been less cure than re-calibration. Memory gaps are frequent. Conversations vanish. I had to relearn how to write, letter by halting letter. My days are scaffold by alarms, notes, and calendars. When people ask how I am, I don’t list symptoms or struggles. I simply say, “Seven Degrees Left of Center.” It’s not an answer—it’s who I’ve become. |
| There are some days I am terrified of writing, including this blog, though the end result is okay, I guess. In the past five years, I have relearned reading, writing, and arithmetic, along with many other things. However, I still haven't learned how to cook. Maybe that will be the next breakthrough. Back to the topic -- being afraid to write. To write is to expose oneself, and that is scary. Even if you do not share what you are writing with others, you are sharing thoughts, dreams, and maybe nightmares with yourself. I say sure. I am scared |