blog of a person who seems to be invisible...
ok.. so I'm taking a next step in my life. I'm improving on myself. I'm going down this path i am on, thanks to God. I now attend a church regularly, and I like its small confines in a church building i attended nearly 40 years ago. To me it is surreal.|
Do i know whats ahead, or even where I am going? no, not at all. to be honest it scares me, but I need to step out of my fear and take charge of my life, and live it the way I and God want me to be. where ever this path goes, I'm sticking it out to the end. I feel it is a testament to who I am.
I am learning more and more everyday about myself. and improving, also trying to make amends for past mistakes.
But one can only make amends for mistakes where there was mistakes to begin with, if people don't want to listen then that is their fault, and their loss. I wont go where im not wanted and I know I am a good man, if you don't.. well that's too bad so sad for you...
|Day 2873: September 28, 2020
Prompt: Use these words: mountain - clover - stone
Over the rustic mountain,
down to the flowing sea,
your search for forever will it be,
if you get lucky enough to hear the tone,
your luck may forever change.
You'll find me over by the stone
out among the moss,
you must pick me to get the luck,
remember me not to toss
you know my name have not found it.
you need to look me over,
to find me
a 4-leaf clover.
|Well, I am being told feeling lonely at an empty place is normal. After all, I went from living in a house with six people in it to a place with just me, myself, and I in it is normal. but I am not sure whether I believe that or not.
I found that all those people who were so excited and wanted to see my new place are gone, no one seems interested in it anymore. And communication with friends seems to have gone as well.
And the one special person in my life has given in to her fear, and once again I face life alone, I guess it is time to give up. I'm not sure... even my writing has fallen behind and I don't take pleasure in it much anymore.
Oh well, I'll figure it out, someday.
| well, today's, or rather yesterday's topic was to discuss a topic from a very specific list. I chose Dr. Fucci's idea that we need to hunker down for fall and winter.
So here goes. Well, I am not one that thinks the virus is a fake. It exists, for real. but what is a total shame is the masks and the distancing. most people are buying the homemade masks, or, Like my company is, handing out scarf-like masks. I have talked to many medical professionals and they told me what I always thought was true. That they aren't worth crap.
You need to wear a clean one each day if its a homemade one. if it's one of the bought medical ones? well, those should be changed a few times a day, otherwise, they are completely useless. If you buy the surgical type masks, thinking this surely has to be better at protecting me? well for about 20 or 30 mins they do. but after that....no. they are made for a sterile environment and I guarantee you are not in a sterile environment. It is my opinion that it would be better to go without than to use these masks that everyone seems to claim to need.
The truth is that they are a control measure, just like the distance thing. I only wear them because I am told I need to. but make no mistake they aren't doing any good. time is the only thing that will get rid of this virus.
if my guess is right the virus will have a sudden spike within days of election days, to stop people from going to the polls. Don't do the mail-in ballots or absentee ballots(yes there is a difference!), do your duty, its not a right its a duty.... vote... we have to put trump back in where he needs to be... Our country will be ruined by Biden.
|so, here I am in my new apartment. Although I wanted the peace of my place, I was not prepared for the deafening sound that quiet has. I am almost fully set up in my new place. I like it. It takes some getting used to but it is progressing fine. I seem to be making friends and having a life outside of work.
My life is getting back to where it should have been before my big mistakes of the past. But they are of the past and that is where they will stay. I have tried to make up and apologize for them, and as long as I try, whether or not they want to listen makes no never mind to me. I me, I have tried, and karma is a B*&%, you know?
I have gotten caught up in this election as well. For those who don't know, I will vote for Trump, because I believe in the message. if you don't, that's fine, it is ok to disagree, nothing wrong with it, but just don't make the mistake of trying to force your opinions on me you won't like the outcome.
Overall, Yes, I am happy as I am, finally, I can say that with all believers. I have friends who adore me, people want to be around me. yes, I have difficulties, but I do as all Marines must, I improvise, adapt, and overcome. OORAH!
|well, it's been a while since I put anything on here but trust me, I have been very busy. I have been under tremendous stress with everything that is going on here in Florida. And I have to deal with it all on my own, but I always drop in when I can but usually not for very long.
Well, I am finally moving out of my mom's house. I move into my place on September 1st. To me, that means the last bit of my former life has been swept away. I needed all that stuff and memories removed so I can be the person I am supposed to be, and the person I have always been but has been hiding behind fear and other superfluidities. I just wish the person I wanted to see me now, would see me... but alas, not going to happen. I believe she would have been proud that I am finally the man she saw inside me. But its ok, I don't need anybody's permission to be me.
The job is still a major stressor in my life. my direct supervisor is my ex's uncle. Ya! and before you say it I know its a bad thing. I agree. but I haven't killed him, yet.
My nephews have been fighting for hours today and I'm ready to Jason Voorhees them and go back to work on getting ready to move. Ahhh! well, ADHD, unmedicated kids are still kids. Comme la vie! such is life!
| Two of my favorite televisions shows of all time are "The Twilight Zone" and " The Outer Limits". They are older shows that were done with production long before I was even born, but they intrigued me. I am watching them on Netflix right now. Then I thought I would write something similar to them, a series of psychological thrillers and weird stories.
What do you think? I have some ideas for stories in my mind as we speak, and am attemting to write them up as we speak. But in doing this I have thought of so many more than I could ever work on by myself. I guess I'll figure it out.
Plus with all this political stuff and corona stuff out there that these professional politicians and political analysts weighing in on, I was gonna do a pod cast about them, from an unprofessional layman's terms. Good idea? waste of time? would you weigh in if I gave you the opportunity to?
could you be fair and balenced? Can I?
|Day 2794: July 11, 2020
Prompt: It's the Dog Days of Summer (July 3 to August 11). In your entry, today, write about the Dog Days of Summer.
Its the dog days of summer and heat has really set in for the short stay. Along with the heat, the humidity, its compadre came with it to celebrate this most difficult time of year, at least in Florida it is anyway. it plays havoc with everything it touches along the way, health, tempers, electric bills, gas bills, everything you haven't thought of in some way or another.
In Florida the heat can be dangerous and deadly to deal with, especially for the elderly and the ill of health. and it is not solely isolated to Florida. In reality, it is like there across the bible belt of the south, and most of the north if the truth were said.
No one is immune to its touch or effects. Although there are plenty of people who really wish they were to tell you the truth. but overall most people here don't even really think about it, they just deal with it.
In Florida, the summer is the perfect time for a lot of things like picnics, and swimming, sunbathing and surfing. You can do anything you want to do, you can do anything you want with it.
|there has been alot going on in my life lately. i have found a real woman to love me for me. She is honest, loving, respectful, not high maintenance. She really is the woman I always wanted but didn't know I needed.
Her name is Agatha. I'm glad I met her. I have never met a woman like her.She repsects me, and I'm not going to loose her, nor do anything to destroy this one. I can go the distance with this one, she wants me to.
|DAY 2605: January 4, 2020
Prompt: How keeping plants on your desk can reduce stress and anxiety What is your thoughts on this? Have you tried it in your office?
What is reducing stress or anxiety? I wouldn't know. I just went through my masonic installation for the ensuing year of 2020. its been months of planning and trying to do everything right, and get everything nailed down. I'm a mess... a total mess. It really had my head messed up, but now that it is over... Im much happier.
My title now is Worshipful Master of Nitram lodge 188 in st petersburg,fl. I'm very proud of myself.
|DAY 2556: November 18, 2019
Prompt: Reflect on the blessings of 2019, and list some of them.
2019, has been a rather rough year for me on many levels. granted most of them have been due to my own failures, but wholeheartedly, I dont consider them failures, I actually consider them learning experiences.
But honestly, I have a home, a place to live, a job, a car, a few new friends, and a couple of old ones. I have dreams, fantasies and nightmares. There are lots of blessings I have in my life and am thankful for each and every one.
I even consider it a blessing when someone leaves my life as much as I do the ones that come into my life. There is just as much good when someone leaves as there is when someone comes in.
I know I have no use for people who are broken, or dont try to contribute to anything, in any other way but suffering.
Over all i am happy and I am right where I am supposed to be in my life. The best part about it? That I got here on my own without help from any body... I'm really happy about that.