blog of a person who seems to be invisible...
ok.. so I'm taking a next step in my life. I'm improving on myself. I'm going down this path i am on, thanks to God. I now attend a church regularly, and I like its small confines in a church building i attended nearly 40 years ago. To me it is surreal.|
Do i know whats ahead, or even where I am going? no, not at all. to be honest it scares me, but I need to step out of my fear and take charge of my life, and live it the way I and God want me to be. where ever this path goes, I'm sticking it out to the end. I feel it is a testament to who I am.
I am learning more and more everyday about myself. and improving, also trying to make amends for past mistakes.
But one can only make amends for mistakes where there was mistakes to begin with, if people don't want to listen then that is their fault, and their loss. I wont go where im not wanted and I know I am a good man, if you don't.. well that's too bad so sad for you...
|DAY 2322 March 29, 2019
"If you don't have time to read, you don't have the time (or the tools) to write. Simple as that."--Stephen King
Agree or disagree or is it more complicated than that? What are you reading? Do you write in that genre?
Actually, I do believe that. I believe you write what you read and you read what you love most,so. if you want to do something well you learn about that thing you love, you have a tendency to learn all you can about it... I guess you could say that you become a subject matter expert on it, doesn't really matter about the genre, it is true for all genre's actually.
But sometimes I believe it can be more complicated that that at the same time as well. It takes thought and practice and time to become good at it. i do write in his genre and a few others as well.
|Day 3212: March 19, 2019
Prompt: Write a good news entry. Find some good news in your areal of the world, on the internet, or in your life. Give us the highlights.
I read a story about a couple in the U.K. driving from Edinburgh to Cambridge to visit the man's sick mother. they had driven about 1/4 of the way when their car broke down and stranded them there.
A passerby who came across the couple stopped and offered to drive them the rest of the way, even to return them home at the end. What most don't know, including me, is that is a drive of nearly 400 miles, and this driver didn't even flinch about driving them there and returning them home for free.
now that is a good deed.
|today? march 16...
we had Pilgrimage day at the Florida Masonic home today. I cooked Bratwurst on the grill, and then summarily started a grease fire and the propane grill is toast. How nice huh?
I'm finally heading home and exhausted... and most probably fall asleep.
Of course, I'm gonna do some reviews for the raid today... and tomorrow.
|DAY 2306 March 13, 2019
Luc Sante said, " It is fascinating and often fruitful to try on another skin, but it is ultimately meaningless if one hasn't acknowledged one's own.."
What do you think? Do you agree with him?
many people who know me would say that it is no real big surprise to see or hear that I agree with this. However, just agreeing isn't enough with this, I feel it could be said another way. you can't judge a man until you have walked a mile in his moccasins. I think that this is a better way of stating the same thing.
If more people would know themselves better before trying or even attempting to try, to know others the world would be a better place no doubt. I also feel that some of the wise guy comments I get would be significantly less if they would follow this simple saying.
Well, these are my thoughts, not yours... enjoy!
|well this week has been a rough one for me. in fact it really pushed the limits on Feb 14 Valentines day. What happened? Well I had an accident with my car. I dropped a friend off at the airport so she can go and visit her boyfriend up north. I was on my way to work, via the interstate. the road was empty and I was going at speed limit, and radio on.
a car came out of nowhere and hit me in the drivers side read quarter panel. I bounced off of his car and the car turned sideways. allowing him to hit me again on my drivers side door. Of course that sent me into a spin, well actually 3 spins, while traveling at 65 to 75 mph. I was scared.
he went another 500 yard before careening off the road and stopping .
all of this was in the darkness in Florida at 430 am.
my car rolled off the road, I got out. someone from the other car wandered up and asked me if i was OK. I was, of course, and so was he.
he told me he was a passenger in the car with his kids, and that the driver jumped out of the car when it stopped and jumped the fence at the side of the interstate and ran off.
"great," I said,"I'll tell the cops when they get here."
the gentleman said he had to go check on his kids.
I told him OK.
when the cops got there they found no one there by his car, and that the car was stolen.
Now I come to find out my car is totaled, Ill get my car taken care of but will have to go buy another car.
I looked at the car in the day time and was amazed, the damage was right at the gas tank, I could have, and should have been dead... I am lucky.
but very frustrated.
|“People tend to complicate their own lives as if living weren't already complicated enough.” Carlos Ruiz Zafón, author of The Shadow of the Wind What are your thoughts about his quote? Do you make your own life more complicated than it needs to be? Do you know other people that do?
I believe that we as humans really hate when things go too easy or without any complications mainly because if there weren't any complications things would get too mundane and boring. without this action, our minds tend to get bored and complacent to an easier life that no one really wants.
I know I do make my life more complicated as hell. there is no doubt that I do. Sometimes it gets me in trouble when somebody does something like that at the same time and wins out. why I do it? I really, honestly don't know, maybe it's the reason I stated earlier.
do other people know I do this... I would honestly say yes they do. some actually reveal in it. In fact, some peoples lives can't go on day to day with it. which in my mind is very sad, but it is reality and it is what it is.
|ok, I'm sorry I didn't come on sooner, nor as much as I wanted to... I was in the er last night for a gout attack, the last gift my grandfather ever gave me. and I am only on now because I took the day off of work to recuperate.
its been a hell of a few days. my curse has been kicked up to full blast and yes the suffering for the past is in full bloom. there are those that would revel in that fact... to them I say go ahead enjoy my suffering, it won't last forever and I am better for it. I am better without someone around me who lies and deceives people like me or those who run at the first sign of trouble. so go ahead enjoy it now, the seasons are changing. I am better than you even deserve(yes this person knows I'm talking to them, and I don't care. After all they don't have the cajones to tell me anything themselves rather have a lap dog do it for them.)
yes, I am in pain and on crutches right now. taking the day off for pain, but I'll be back at it tomorrow full bore.
But for now I am on to new projects and new things, after all its trash day and I had to take the broken, useless smelly old trash to the street. Overall it's good better believe that.
|well, here I am in a hotel room for a working conductor recertification class and am totally alone here. Lately, its been hard for me to keep my head up, I have lost so much these two years I have lost everything that meant something to me.
It is a chance to rebuild my life, I get it, but I feel so lost sometimes, like today. It seems I trusted people, and it seems not to be a good thing to trust people. I have to rethink everything all my trust and caring I gave to people.
I am so dammed upset that it trusted someone and they stabbed me in the back. Now I'm so hurt I don't know which way to turn. who to trust, I walked away from everything I know, I took the risk and lost everything.
I will go on, no doubt I will. it would be nice to find someone to trust and not use me, hurt me, lie to me, but I don't think that is in the cards, every time I find someone to trust, I get hurt again and again. I know some of it was my fault.
I made huge mistakes, I helped someone and fell for her, and she used me and then tossed me out like yesterdays trash. then found someone else and became a totally different person than the woman I knew and says she hates me, when all I did was, do the best I could in a bad situation. maybe I should have let her fail and fall apart and not spent all that time helping her emotionally and otherwise. Maybe I have learned my lesson.
|today... is another day in my life... I am hopeful that things work out for me, but sadly I am not that confident in fate, or luck, or what ever you wish to call it these days because I have lost that ability too.
I know for me things don't last... people always fail me, and although I am there for them, they are rarely ever there for me. but hey that's life at least for me, anyway. So I know I can only depend on me and only me, no one can meet my high levels I desire, nor do they really wish to try, and that is just fine with me. If I let no one in then no one can disappoint me. At one time I had faith in a person, and in people, but, in reality, that's a pipe dream always was always will be.
The only voice that matters to me is my own, and no one else's. I am me, and no one speaks for me but me..
I am starting expository writing classes but am behind. Not sure if i am cut out for that part yet, but I am trying... I have faith in myself...that is all I need and that's good enough and safe enough for me. I am worth it, you( and you know who you are) are not, it took me a while to figure it out but it is the truth.
So this brings about the question... What can I do today?
|prompt:Use these words in your entry today: form, laugh, hypnotic, smell, bray, country, bean and store. Have fun!
it is in this form I laugh,and bray
A hypnotic gesture which causes me to giggle nd bray.
I sit here very still in this small country store,
where the smell of fresh baked cookies lingers.
Waiting and waiting still leaning against a pole like a bean
waiting for the one that would be my queen.