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The catch-all for items related to and/or inspired by the music that shaped me.
Music has played a role in nearly every situation of my life. This is where I'll be collecting items inspired by those moments- poems, lyrics, blog entries- the soundtrack of me.

Banner. Because...banner.

I may also contribute blog-style entries here from time to time:

Pursue the Horizon - Closed  (13+)
30-Day Poetry Blogging Challenge - Begins March 1
#2076114 by Cinn

And this month, I've decided to take part in...

Merit Badge in Quill Award
[Click For More Info]

Congratulations on winning the 2017 Quill Award for Best Music for  [Link To Item #2072393] . *^*Delight*^* See  [Link To Item #quills]  for more information.

In honor of that time they release a movie about me... Damon Albarn
Sig for nominees
Best Blog
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July 15, 2019 at 5:04pm
July 15, 2019 at 5:04pm
I jacked this from the BCOF photo page, since the ID wasn't posted.

*Phonograph* "Pick out one of these OMG 200 Facts You Didn’t Know… Until Now  . Write a story, poem, rant, monologue, or opinion about it."

Well well well...looks who's back for another day? *Smirk2* Guess I just couldn't let the bug go, the poetry isn't coming to me right now, and y'all are just gonna get my verbal spitting in a typed-up format. But you know that's why I love all y'all and I get the love back.

That 200 facts link was filled with a lot of good stuff. I actually read through it all and thought I could talk about a number of things. I may even Pocket it for later "30-Day Blogging Challenge use. But for now, I've chosen maybe the one fact no one else will...

5. Tupac was the first U.S. artist to have an album reach Billboard #1 while still in prison. It was his third studio album, titled “Me Against the World”.

Let it be known that I love Hip Hop. I won't go so far to say I'm a historian, but I did write a 20-something page term paper on it in high school and I'm not afraid to talk about its early days. As far as I go, that era ended with the Wu-Tang Clan (but that's another entry for another time).

By that point, Rap as a genre had went mainstream. It was being pimped out by the record labels and flashed all over MTV and basically everywhere you looked. Goofy-ass white dudes were imitating it on live TV. I bailed, content with my Public Enemy, BDP, and Beastie Boys tapes. Stuff that was addressing consciousness. NWA was fine when I was an angry kid looking to piss off older people or take an extra rep while I was lifting weights, but guns/bitches/money got old to me fast. I was drawn to substance, not drama.

And that's about the time Tupac broke away as a back-up from Digital Underground. Everyone knows them from "The Humpty Dance"  ...and if you don't, maybe I don't trust you *Smirk*.

Unpopular Opinion: I wasn't into him. He was gangsta rap when I was fallin' off it. People would ask me about "Who was better, Biggie Smalls or Tupac?" and I just didn't give a fuck. Like, Notorious BIG's "Hypnotize"   has some great beats and samples, but it was nothing special lyrically to what Chuck D, KRS-One, or anyone I respected was up to. I wasn't into drugs and money. I'd already found my soul, and the MTV generation back then wasn't feelin' what I was feelin'.

I'll admit that I bought one Tupac cassette back in the day...but it was part of the typical teenage Columbia House scam (Get 12 CDs for $1!). I think I got it only cuz it had a song with Ice Cube on it, and to this day I have no remembrance of it. It was one of those tapes where I figured out where the good songs were and how to flip the tape over to get to the other good songs, minus the crap. Rockin' rewind/pause   like a fuckin' pro on the boombox I got from the neighborhood bike thief that was missing a window.

All of this is not to say I didn't enjoy a little Tupac here and there. I was one whose cup was filled already. I was moving on. But "I Get Around" is dope and I'll still shake whatever's left of my ass to it when the time comes.

"I Get Around"   -Tupac

"Gotta get a tight grip, don't slip; loose lips sink ships!
It's a trip; I love the way she licks her lips, see me jockin'.

Yo I wish someone would solve Biggie and Tupac's murders. Even though I wasn't a fan of either, I know it ain't fair. And I know this plea will fall on deaf ears, which bugs me just as much. Can't help it. Alright, I'm gassing out of this beautiful summer Monday, and a nap is awaiting. Peace, still clown with the Underground, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

Orange/Grey Street Cred font.
July 12, 2019 at 5:58pm
July 12, 2019 at 5:58pm
The Original Logo.

*Vinylb* "Make an A-Z list on a topic of your choosing. Stretch your creativity! *Bigsmile* After you finish your list, write a short narrative describing why you chose the list you did and how it relates to you."

Yo yo yo!! Apparently it's been five whole months since I last posted up in here, and I'm only doing it now cuz I love the topic and I get to share stuff!! I know, right? My blog, my rules...if you don't like it, you know where the X is on the screen of the device of your choosing.

What I'mma do is let my iTunes library play on shuffle, and when there's a song I really like, I'll share it. I'll be going by title, and this list is not comprehensive. I like what I like and whatever I pick doesn't mean it's the quote-unquote best ever or anything. Easy peasy. Here we go...

A: Jeff Tweedy, "Ashes Of American Flags (demo)"  
B: Bright Eyes, "The Big Picture (live)"  
C: Modest Mouse, "Coyotes"  
D: Murray Lachlan Young, "Do Wah Diddy Diddy"  
E: REM feat. Patti Smith, "E-Bow The Letter"  
F: Matt Pryor, "Freakish (Saves The Day cover)"  
G: Beastie Boys, "Gratitude (live)"  
H: Atmosphere, "Horny Ponycorn Horns"  
I: The Monkees, "I'll Be Back Up On My Feet"  
J: Texas Is The Reason, "Johnny On The Spot (live)"  
K: Radiohead, "Karma Police (live)"  
L: Pat Benatar, "Love Is A Battlefield"  
M: Nine Inch Nails, "March Of The Pigs (live)"  
N: Bobby Womack, "Nobody Wants You When You're Down And Out"  
O: Mission Of Burma, "Outlaw"  
P: Weezer, "Pink Triangle (Live At Y101 Sonic Session)"  
Q: Brand New, "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows"  
R: Beasite Boys, "Right Right Now Now"  
S: The Get Up Kids, "Stay Gold, Ponyboy (live)"  
T: The White Stripes, "There's No Room For You Here"  
U: Barenaked Ladies, "Upside Down"  
V: Rage Against The Machine, "Vietnow (live}"  
W: deM atlaS, "Wannabe A Kid Again"  
X: Blondie, "X Offender (live)"  
Y: Tom Waits, "Yesterday Is Here"  
Z: Aesop Rock, "Zero Dark Thirty"  

I don't care if you like them or not...it's just a list, and I felt like I needed to write. I've been in a mood lately, so IDGAF. Y'all can fire up the band, but this entry took a lot outta me and I'mma take a nap soon. Music is life. It's always in the background or forefront of what I do, whatever that is. Peace, A-to-the-Z, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

Please don't ask me to talk about it.

My sig from Tanin, Writing Warrior.
Officially approved Writing.Com Preferred Author logo.
February 22, 2019 at 6:37pm
February 22, 2019 at 6:37pm
The Original Logo.          The WDC Soundtrackers.

*BagY* "Day 22: Hong Kong! I don't know about you but I'm ready to do some shopping; maybe even check out a temple or two."

What is up y'all? Figured I'd join you guys on Lyn 's world tour somewhere, and today it just seems right. I have to be honest...I haven't been paying too much attention to what you guys have been up to and what sorts of trouble you're getting into...which leads me to suspect I'm the troublemaker on most of these trips (and it's been proven...ask Charrr 🌈 [6 years!!] or even Kittiara *Wink*). Storylines emerge, there's a night out where intoxication happens and people get a little crazy, and there were mermaids and romances and bromances and gummy bears stuck in people's hair...ahhhh, the good ol' days! Anyway, catch me up!

I chose to jump in today because it fits flush with my pick for "The Soundtrack of Your Life Challenge, and you'll find out why in a bit. But first, I'm down to check out the Pak Tai Temple  . I'm a little bit (ok, maybe a lotta bit) enthralled as to why their hours of operation are 7:26 AM - 6:57 PM. First, those are awkward numbers for times. I'm a little too OCD about things being in certain sets of round numbers, and if a place has batshit weird hours like that, I wanna know why cuz there's gotta be a reason for it. [Sidenote: This is the part where it becomes obvious I definitely did not do enough research on this place. Carry on.] Second, I am a person who searches for peace but also tends to go overboard with the disaster-causing every so often, and I get the feeling I will not be welcomed back (at best; worst case scenario is deportation) after doing whatever is right and honorable and feeling relaxed enough and at peace to basically cause some sort of embarrassing havoc. I can go from respectful and respectable to distasteful and obstinate in the blink of an eye. I'm better off being tethered to someone with one of those coiled chain/bracelet thingeys where the kid can walk but the higher power won't let 'em get too far into trouble's path.

But let's get to the real reason why I'm here, shall we? Like many Americans my age at whatever time it was in the mid-late 90's, our primary introduction to Blur was the dance floor and arena banger "Song 2"  ...WOO HOO!! And back in the day when I'd watch MTV2 with friends because they actually still played videos, sure, they'd show some other stuff. "Coffee And TV"   is the one I seem to recall the most from my days at Briarcliff Apartments, and maybe "Parklife"   (which is bundles of fun). I liked them enough based on a few of their songs that I thought "maybe it's time to get some of their music on CD". A killer idea!

And don't tell me you ever actually paid for your Columbia House "12 CDs for $1" bullshit. I barely paid them, ever...and I can't be the reason they went out of business, because seriously no one paid them. People got their music and and that was that. But enough about how much of a deadbeat dick I am...Blur's greatest hits CD was one of the ones I copped, because I was caught in the middle of Napster/Kazaa going away and being sketchy, and having very little disposable income. I was starving for an injection of new music because my 600+ CDs at the time had gotten boring. (I know, it's a problem. And one that doesn't go away.)

Anyway, my stepmom's family went on a once-in-a-lifetime cruise, somewhere in the mid-2000's. I remember swapping headphones with my little brother Mike and introducing him to Atmosphere, and causing all sortsa havoc one late night, running around the ship with their complementary bottle of champagne. In the daytime, however, when we weren't off sightseeing or doing onshore stuff, I was laying in the sun with a cold, overpriced beverage, and falling in love with Blur through my headphones. A band that could barely crack the US but was huuuuuuge in the UK. So much so there was an entire special edition magazine dedicated to the Oasis vs Blur controversy, when both bands released competing singles on the same day. I wonder if I still have it somewhere...it was so super British and excellently informative.

The point proper is this: they went from a basic Britpop "guilty pleasure" (enough of this, Jeff !) to a longtime love. Last year I purchased their super-nice box set (from like 2012), of all their CDs (remastered with bonus tracks) and two discs full of rarities, ollllld demos, and live stuff. It looks nice where I've stashed it in my living room, on the bottom shelf of my TV stand.

But then, after a lengthy and contentious breakup and side-projects, they reconvened in, of all places, Hong Kong. They had decided to make music together again!! And in 2015, out came the album The Magic Whip  . It's a glorious add-on to the Blur legacy, and one I wish I'd have been able to be a fly on the wall for. Did they visit the temples? What did they eat there? How much of a Hong Kong influence is there on the record besides the cover art?

Well, I'mma tell you. Saddle up, youngins.

The main point of resonance with me is the video for "Ong Ong". It basically looks like a Nintendo game from the early Super Mario Bros. era, with a fun soft-garage-rock sound (if there's such a thing). There's a, ummm, thing, trapped in a temple, and the thing-protagonist has to save her. It's very Nintendo. It's also very sweet and adorable, and the song itself is fun. Let's just enjoy it for what it is.

"Ong Ong"   -Blur

"You'll know just what to do."

For the blog.

*ShirtB* I've already shipped out a couple #NorbAF t-shirts...who wants one?! There's that and more goodies available in my shop  . And yes, I'm self-promoting. Goods cost money, promoting costs time and money, and why the fuck not get on the DIY tip and say "Here's what I got...whaddya want?" Yeah, I feel like it gets annoying, but if you don't self-promote, who's gonna know? Can't take for granted that everyone knows, even after a bunch of texts and IG posts (speaking of Instagram, be on the lookout for a very special one very very soon!).

*Clock* A reminder: Barnes & Noble is now selling my book. Like, you can go there and if it's not in stock you can order it. But it's for realsies in stock in NYC! My people...the #NorbAF revolution is ON!!
My book is officially in stock!! In the wild!

Ok, I'm done with you people for now. I think I gotta figure out if I'm gonna eat or just nap or struggle with that in-between stage of both. Peace, you'll know just what to do, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

"But if we stop dreaming now,
lord knows we'd never clear the clouds."

February 21, 2019 at 5:56pm
February 21, 2019 at 5:56pm
         The WDC Soundtrackers.

*Thinker* "'People stupid. The dream didn't leave, people just don't know a nightmare when they right in the middle of one.' -Marlon James. Your thoughts on this quote..."

Wow Lyn ...excellent find! Gonna hafta read up a little on this guy, fo' sho'. Anyway, hey y'all! I'm gonna start with this for the "Blogging Circle of Friends because I'm not quite sure how I wanna get into the part for "The Soundtrack of Your Life Challenge just yet (Spoiler Alert!! It's gonna be sad.).

This is pretty deep but in a sense it's also very true. It's almost like Stockholm Syndrome in a way, if that makes sense (and in my head it does, at least). Take just about any sort of depressing situation you're in, in all phases of life. Maybe you've got a shitty job but at least it pays the bills, or you're in a lackluster relationship but hey, it's a warm body to wake up next to. Or...worst case scenario: you're livin' on the streets and can't get back on your feet (because maybe you don't want to, or just can't). It reminds me a little of one of my all-time favorite lyric quotes: "One man's ceiling is another man's floor"  ...and maybe I've overthinking this now a little bit, so it's time for another paragraph, to reel myself back in.

So let's assume the definition of nightmare is fluid; that it's a little different for each of us. We also have different levels of what makes us comfortable and how much comfort we feel, along with what we can tolerate. There are grey areas where we might not be comfortable with what we're tolerating but depending on the situation is will dictate the response.

Now, go back to the dreams you had as a child, teenager, and young adult. What do you wanna be when you grow up? Where do you see yourself in 10 years' time? And add in all your standards, your own quirks, what you like and don't like about whatever it is you're dreaming of, and how you stack up and fit (or don't fit) in with it. Sure, for some, dreams do come true! Lucky you! And if so, you're probably not reading this anyway, so fuck you. Because for most of us, life isn't set up anymore for our dreams to become the reality we live in. Corporate America will stifle you as soon as you hit mid-management. You're not gonna be bangin' supermodels on a yacht. We have a tendency to dream big, only to settle into our realities until someone's pickin' out a pine box for us. And that's where the grey areas get murkier.

Some will trudge through life happily in the reality they've accepted. And that's fine if it works for them. Others may grow bitter and cold, despondent that the life he's stuck with is the same life the other guy is enjoying. And he tries and tries and tries to make it work and find happiness in it, but there's always another setback, another bill, another promotion denied...always somethin'. And that's his life, until he retires and dies a lonely old man. His big dreams after finishing school never came close to materializing, and now he's struggling to find happiness in even the most bountiful of life's little treasures. He's living a fucking nightmare, but he's basically married to it because of the one thing it provides that keeps him goin': a paycheck. Sure, he could find a better job and eventually hit the same ceiling, but by the time he comes home he's just too aggravated and tired and that's that.

Which brings me back to the point and the quote prompt. It boils down to complacency and how when shit starts to get out of hand sometimes it's easier and more convenient to figure out how to manage in "the new now" than to fix the issue/problem. We become blind to the problem for what it is, and focus on how to get around it instead of the cause of it and a proper fix. And don't bullshit me...we're all guilty of this at some point in our lives. For example: your car starts making a small but funky noise that you can't quite pinpoint its whereabouts. Sure, you could take it to a mechanic, but that costs money...so instead you turn your stereo up louder. Of course, the real nightmare is when that noise turns into a $1500 repair bill down the road, and maybe if that's as close as you can get to that car being your Dream Car, well, now all you're worrying about is how fucked you are and for how long.

And in summation, people actually can become self-made nightmares. They don't know it because they refuse to acknowledge it, and as it keeps getting worse, they just keep readjusting and acclimating to their problems until the levee breaks. They max out every inch of the grey areas in the intersection of comfort and tolerance. Keep pullin' that thread, and someday you're gonna have enough to knit yourself a noose.

Blog divider.          A simple comparison.

*Monkey* Man...today we lost another good one, and this one is really kinda special to me. It was reported that Peter Tork of The Monkees passed away today at age 77   from a rare form of salivary cancer. Fuckin' cancer, man. Always snuffin' out the good ones, 'cuz Big Pharm just loooooves that money associated with keepin' people alive in suffering as long as they can, rather than using science to eradicate this shit .Don't get me started on how much it pisses me off. And "Guilty Pleasures" isn't really a worthy Soundtrackers category anymore, is it? Haven't we all agreed at one time or another that we love what we love, and aren't ashamed about it? I thought we accomplished that back in the Beth days.

Anyway, it's especially sad for me because The Monkees were my first concert, probably in the summer of '85 or '86. It was around that time when MTV and Nickelodeon started showing reruns from their tv show in the 60's, and because my brother and I weren't old enough yet to be trusted to be left alone during the summer, we'd go to our grandmother's house (it helped that she also had cable, which we did not have). And one week out of every summer, our aunt in Connecticut would fly us down for a week. She was awesome...a sweet condo, she'd take us to cool places and buy us stuff, and she had a waterbed! That blew our little 80's minds! It was her that took us to see The Monkees, at a little amphitheater with a rotating stage. "Weird Al" Yankovic was the opening act, and of course because I had some of his cassette tapes too as a fart joke enthusiast preteen, he put on a fun show. I had a camera and everything, but blew all my film on him.

Then The Monkees came on, and they played all the hits of course (minus Mike Nesmith, which kinda sucked but whatever), and we sang along and loved every single minute of it. First concert, one of your absolute favorite bands, the cool and fun aunt... that's legit amazeballs yo. To finally see live music instead of just rockin' my mom's albums on vinyl, or catching a little tape hiss on cassette, that was the real deal.

Sadly, my aunt passed in the early 90's (again, motherfuck cancer) and the band again faded into the dustbin of our adolescence. They'd occasionally creep out here and there for something, but whatevs. It wasn't until the late 90's or early 2000's when, at work one day, our supervisor came in (and I don't think he ever really cared for me). He was high-energy and herky-jerky but beloved by the old-timers in the company. Somehow we got to talking about The Monkees, and he was a huge, HUGE fan (he was easily a generation behind me, so it made sense). And in consumer electronics, our slow-dying fad at that time was the Mini-Disc. We were all required to keep an MD on us at all times to demo it (mine was a beautiful mix I recorded on the job when it was slow...it had everything: classic rock, hip hop, R&B, current alt-rock, techno...this way if I was demo-ing speakers, I could pick a song that played on the customer's taste). I had a CD/MD recording deck at home, a portable one, and an in-dash player in my car. The supervisor (known as "The Wheel", because he was always moving, always rollin') went out of his way to make me a Monkees MD...hadn't heard them in so long, and yet the songs still held up some 15 years later.

"Your Auntie Grizelda"   -The Monkees

"Oh, no, don't look at me like Auntie Grizelda. It takes much more to be someone of your own.
You've got to make it free from Auntie Grizelda, or just like her you'll have to make it alone."

Kinda funny how in my head that sorta ties into the "Blogging Circle of Friends portion of this entry...the full lyrics basically are about someone not knowing her boundaries and basically teaching the nephew to be almost like her, and the narrator is calling him out on it. Like "Bruh, you don't know it but you're living in a nightmare my man. You can't see it because you've accepted it, but we see it, and you're wack as fuck yo. If you don't cut that shit out and get right, you're gonna end up just like her." Don't wanna get too complacent with her, cuz she sounds miserable (and her fudge prolly sucks too). But what do I know? I'm just a fan, with the ability to weave prompts occasionally *Laugh*.

For the blog.

*BookStack3* HOLDUPWAITAMINUTE: Wasn't gonna do this part because I didn't think I'd have anything to say...but I've just been handed some BREAKING NEWS!! Apparently my book, 100, is now available in New York City at the Barnes & Noble at Union Square!! Can I get a WHAT WHAT?! from the crowd?? You dope-ass people deserve some dope-ass news, and you're hearing it here first (before it goes on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook *Laugh*). This is where it started. This is where it all began. If you're in NYC, show me some love and show you with the book!! Spread that love!! *Heart* #NorbAF

My book is officially in stock!! In the wild!

Ok...well, I guess dinner can wait while I share the good news...guess this wasn't a sad-ending entry after all! Let's all be joyful   and take a moment to be thankful for what we have, cuz no doubt someone has it worse. No nightmares (hopefully) up in here, and up in there (wherever you are). Peace, be joyful (cuz that shit spreads), and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

"For Pete's Sake"   -The Monkees

"Love is understanding, we gotta be free!"
February 15, 2019 at 6:38pm
February 15, 2019 at 6:38pm
Banner for MHWA group          The WDC Soundtrackers.

*Balloonp* TOTW: "A recent study   showed that popular music contains angrier and sadder lyrics than ever before. The Billboard Hot 100 songs from 1951 to 2016 were measured using the following metrics: (1) Emotional Tone: anger, disgust, fear, joy, sadness; (2) Language Tone: analytical, confident, tentative; (3) Social Tone: openness, conscientiousness, extraversion, agreeableness, emotional range."

Questions to think about:
*Bullet* Have you noticed this increase in sadness and anger in popular music? What do you think could be causing it?
*Bullet* Do you think it’s helpful or hurtful for someone struggling with a mental health issue to listen to music that contains anger and sadness?
*Bullet* What kind of music do you connect to with your mental health issues? Are there any songs in particular that speak to you?

Hello again, kind people of the internet! It's been too long, there's too much to say now that I've been dormant here for so long, and a little bit of the itch is back...may as well scratch it.

First, I feel stupid bad that this is my first entry (I think) for "MHWA Retreat. I love the everlovin' fuck outta Charrr 🌈 [6 years!!] for taking the time out of his busy-ass life to do this. I've been meaning to contribute since Day One here, and have yet to besides a few comments here and there. And this does not mean I'll continue after today; I'm just in the right mood/headspace. You'll have that.

Second (and now finally to address the prompt), Motherfuck the Billboard Hot 100 with a rolled-up copy of that magazine that's been laying on the back of your toilet for 23 years. They don't dictate what I listen to, and if that's your guide, yo, shed your sheepskin. You're being fed! You're a sucka to the radio! The "Top 40" yang is what you listen to when you're a kid trying to fit in with the girly-girls...and that's how you get your heart broken, with nothing solvent to see you past that. You end up bitter and lonely, secluded in your room, writing bad teenage poetry. How do I know? Oh, I know.

And I'm done with "first, second, third, etc..." cuz that's just like Casey Kasem in reverse. RIP to the classiest radio countdown DJ ever.

So yeah, I don't play by those rules, and that's fine because that's what works for me. There is no hiding from the internet and viral hits, but you can limit your exposure. Therefore, I'm unqualified to say whether or not pop music has more anger or sadness. IDGAF if Ariana Grande is calling out exes (though Pete Davidson is pretty much a baller on SNL's Weekend Update  , especially when referring to his own mental health struggles). Taylor Swift can live her life and attract all the high-profile dudes she wants, then dump them and write songs about them 16-year-olds will use as their mantras until they hit college, and again, IDGAF. "Popular" doesn't work for everyone.

Now, I can't speak for everyone and will only speak for myself...but when I'm in one of those moods where I'm angry and depressed and don't have any reason why, I prefer to listen to heavier music. I'm a Hip Hop kid at heart, but if I'm out and about with my iPod, I'm gonna throw on Helmet, or older Thursday, or Deftones...something that gets loud without trying too hard. "Opposite Action"- something I learned taking DBT Classes. Wait...maybe I'm mixing shit up. Whatever. Flow into it, and let your mind focus on that instead of why (or why not) you're so the way you are in the moment. Kicking your own ass into being "in the moment" is hard, but so fucking worth it. Especially when you feel like you're your own worst enemy. Luckily, music saves...with the caveat that we let it.

I have specifically claimed one song for my own as far as my mental health is concerned, and I've written about it way too many times to do it again. It's "Smart Went Crazy" by Atmosphere (you can find it in the previous entry), and it really connects me to the first time I was a committed inpatient because of suicidal ideations. That entire album was my jam for weeks on end...and then I lost my mind. The "smart" kid in the family. The "go-getter". "Fun guy". The forgotten one, because he was "so busy" working his ass off and coming home, decompressing with excessive booze, writing until his hands were shaking, and going to bed only to wake up and do it all over again (in an environment that became toxic the more and more he went there, to the point of becoming sick to his stomach upon entering the parking lot). The soundtrack to my second inpatient, where I drove about 70MPH to a hospital about 95 miles away (while blowing well above the legal limit for survival, let alone driving) with a fantastic program in one way and a terrible one in every other way (being allowed to stay up and watch Monday Night Football where your favorite team loses in a last-minute bit of fuckery isn't great). Yeah, that was my jam...and you can posit "jam" any particular way or wording you like, because it really was every which way it could go for me.

Because I'm basically a hermit these days (save for the times I really need to go somewhere), I just go with what I'm in the mood for. I'll waste an entire trip walking somewhere because the shuffle gods are not on my side. I've also stopped trying to associate music to people and/or events. No one likes a song ruined because their ex liked it. No one wants the little indie band they love tainted by something their stupid, malfunctioning brain did. I had an fairly decent polo shirt that somehow accompanied me to not one, but two trips to the Behavioral Health Unit. And in a time when I had a small fraction of my clothes returned to me by the ex, I had to let go of that shirt. I couldn't wear it anymore. Too many bullshit memories about how broken the healthcare system is.

I'm glad I've relaxed a bit and calmed down mentally since the last time I had to experience the depths of the medical system in 2012. And with that came other challenges, of which are neither here nor there. You want music, and that I will give to you.

What once used to be a "guilty pleasure" to me (because my immediate friends were like "IDGAF, let's ball") and one friend was totally down when my sis and I rolled up to play some basketball, is A Tribe Called Quest. I don't really have "guilty pleasures" anymore...I'm old enough to like what I like and not be ashamed about it. I've got shit in my iTunes library just because my mom likes it, and some of it's grown on me. Not gonna lie though...that 160GB iPod is getting maxed, and some of her faves have been whittled away.

I digress. Currently I'm reading Hanif Abdurraqib's Go Ahead In The Rain: Notes To A Tribe Called Quest  . I pre-ordered it, partly cuz it was ATCQ, and partly cuz Abdurraqib's previous book (They Can't Kill Us Until They Kill Us  ) is fucking amazing. If you love music, and even if you hate pop music, or hate classic rock, it don't matter. There's something in it for you. Wow, I'm digressing again, but you get that when you read my blog entries from front to back (you won't *Wink*).

Anyway, I'm gonna roll with an undercover favorite that was totally one of mine but not on the radar of the people I rolled with.

A Tribe Called Quest, "Electric Relaxation"  

"A gritty little something on the New York street.
This is how I represent over this here beat."

For the blog.

*Mic* Hey yo...in case you missed it, here's my Hawk & Young   interview. Don't do dope and don't be a dope and I'm not a dope but I did a dope interview. About my book. Which you should buy if you already haven't.

*Dollar* And yo...free signed and shipped books and merch up fer grabs! Get up and get down with...

Chinese New Year Celebration  (E)
A Chinese New Year-themed raffle extraordinaire- 2020 open soon!
#2005983 by Dragon- handling shenanigans

Mad Hatter's Tea Party  (E)
March Madness at the Mad Hatter's Tea Party Raffle & Auction Extravaganza.
#2074069 by Choconut

*Suitcase* I really really wanted to jump in on the "30-Day Blogging Challenge adventures led by Lyn , especially in the New Zealand area where we could hang with Elle , but it wasn't in my cards on those days. There's still time for it to be in your cards though, if you're into cards of whatever kinds of cards those are.

Alright, me people to the left, right, and center...I'm done here and I'm gonna grill some cheese (between bread...I'm not a savage) and nosh on that while it's embedded in a little bit of soup (it's shorts weather for me, but there's still snow on the ground, so fuck it...comfort food and let's go!!). Peace, my mind was in a frenzy, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

January 24, 2019 at 7:15pm
January 24, 2019 at 7:15pm
The Original Logo.

*Notepad* "How did you start writing? Did someone urge you to write, or did it come naturally?"

Hey! What's good, playas?? Just poppin' in to say hi and quickly answer a few prompts before dinnertime in this here place. And I got a couple prompts I love (and would love to fuck with), so here we are.

I think about this randomly; usually at the most peculiar times. When I think about how I really started, my head immediately pushes me back a few years so I can fully encompass the people who gave me time to be an audience and offer their knowledge. Then I get a little sad because they're dead now, and I can't share with them what I've been able to accomplish since.

So technically, my first response would be that on a hot summer night in '93 (right after graduating high school and moving in with my dad and stepmom), I took a notebook my sis was no longer using and sat on the porch, hashing out things and thoughts and feelings I was unable to get across in speaking. The page became my audience; not people (though sis would often read the things I felt most proud of, and she was dope about it). The more I did it, the stronger I felt. I was becoming my own therapist in a way, learning how to understand myself by rereading my thoughts. And it worked for awhile, until it got down to me needing an actual therapist (more on that later though).

And it's fun to think that when I was 18, writing became my prevailing hobby of choice...but without the encouragement of my 9th and 10th grade English teachers, I wouldn't have had that seed planted and stuck and become organized enough to give a fuck about what I was doing. My 9th grade teacher, Mrs. Lindsey, in particular, was so friggin' cool. I could show her things and she could give me tips and we could pick each others' brains. When she taught a poetry unit, I was the only one excited for it. Because of her I actually made an effort after I graduated to come back and speak to one of her classes about poetry. It was really cool and really surreal.

It's easy to say it comes naturally, because you wouldn't do it if you didn't want to. But without someone believing in you and offering support, what else is there to keep you going? All you're doing (without that) is basically journaling to yourself in whatever type of medium you prefer. And that's great if that suits you, but for many of us we want more...feedback, reviews, or even just someone who says "I get you here". Natural wants and desires coexisting with your talent and someone(s) diggin' it are the backbone of most of our time spent writing, I imagine. And maybe I'm wrong, and maybe that's not how you feel, and that's ok...there are- and I'mma say it loud for the folks in the back- NO SET RULES FOR WRITING WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU WANT, WHEN YOU WANT. Actually had this discussion with my psychiatrist today; she thinks all the great writers have a set time each day and they need to write x-amount of words or pages, or they won't be successful. Fuck that. I don't do that. Not saying you shouldn't if that works for you, but that's not how I operate. If you held a gun to my head and told me to write a poem, I'd shit myself and beg you to shoot me. On the flipside of that coin, I'm always trying to pay attention to things that might be inspiring, cuz you can find it in the weirdest places...and even if it only sparks a line or a hook, it goes into a notebook that I can work off of later (like, ya know, when the mood strikes). So, piss on your writer's block and don't hold yourself to unrealistic expectations. You'll just disappoint yourself and that's not good at all for your work.

Didn't mean to go on a rant about it, but, well, here we are. As a side note, thanks again to Emily ~ On Vacay! for all the kickass work she's done this month and basically since she's been back? Do y'all love her like I've been hearing good things about her? Show her some love!!

Blog City image large

*Turntable* "If you could only use music to describe yourself to someone, what song would it be and why? If you can, add the YouTube link so we can hear it too."

Y'all know this is a loaded question, right? Man, I applaud you good, kind souls who can distill your lives down to one fucking song. That's great! There should be a trophy for that, or an achievement that unlocks a $25 Applebees gift card for you, or some shit. I don't have time to sort through nearly 20k songs in my library and say "Yes! This is me!!". I hope you all knew this going in, and didn't try too hard to pigeonhole yourselves into something that maybe won't reflect you on the odd chance your life takes a misdirection.

And as much as I hate to say it, when I come across this question there is always one song that comes to mind. I was the smart kid who was expected to be a great adult doing many great adult things. Without going into detail, life did not quite go that way for a long time. Being labeled as "smart" when you're young doesn't necessarily mean you pick up on all the skills you need to be a competent grown-up. No need for me to shame anyone now about it, because what they didn't do can't be undone and there are too many people I could point fingers at that I could put a glove on all my fingers and still need more fingers for all the gloves I'd need. Y'all can figure it as "a blessing and a curse"; I've come to know it as a deathtrap.

My first trip to the psych ward coincided with this song and my fixation on this album as a whole...it was so good and fresh and new and different than anything I'd heard. It struck a solid chord with me. And all I could think was "Smart Went Crazy" while I was staring at platinum white walls while trying to get out and resume the same life that got me there in the first place. I was the smart kid who lost his fucking mind...no boundaries, no self-respect or self-control, nothing. Just a job I hated and a boss that assumed I was basically her and a girlfriend who couldn't divorce her husband but loved me and loved fighting with me more.

It's hard being stuck as the successful failure.

Anyway, that all landed me in the hospital because I was "not myself". In short, I wanted out...I wanted to die and just leave everything behind and be forgotten about. But everyone else I was connected with felt differently, and so I had to push on and live the same life...now with the designation of "he lost his mind". Powerful words coming from the inside of what they used to call an asylum. I'm not gonna go into any bit more detail because I'll be dealing with it next month in an online writing class I'm taking (more on that in a bit).

Blog divider.

I'm not gonna say much more about this song that I haven't said already now or in previous entries when I've used it. If I'm not mistaken, it's on the silent list in my head of songs I've retired from using in blog entries...but I guess since I don't blog that much anymore, it's ok to pull it out once in awhile. I guess all I can say is it kept me sane when I was insane. It soundtracked my narrative. Felt good to come home and pump it through my speakers, thinking maybe I wasn't so fucked up anymore.

"Smart Went Crazy"   -Atmosphere

"'You're headed for self destruction'; been there, did that.
Kicked back with the wrong angel to fuck with."

*Trophyg* Yo, where do they give you trophy for not being a fucked-up fuckup anymore? I've moved a couple times. I traveled a bit since I became like a published author and shit. People buy my t-shirts and other merch. Am I like a legit adult again? I've got an ID. Poetry and Blogging Quills, along with $2+ gets me a cup of coffee around here. Where's my boo-hoo participation trophy?? *Smirk* *Laugh*

*Giftb* HEY!! The "30-Day Bloggers Group is still looking for donations for the massive February fundraiser, my friends!

*SwordR* Also yo...my publisher is looking for people to take a class on publishing memoirs. If you're interested, get at me. It's a 4-week online class for $200. I'll be there, providing levity and purging my soul. Not that a memoir is on my list of Things To Do, but hey if the noggin nudges, I move.

I thought I had more to add, but I got sidetracked by Twitter again and Facebook minutiae and that's fine and all but I really need to decide now if I wanna eat, poop, or nap...these are the things I worry about while you're out in the world being a well-adjusted individual, ya prickfaces. Peace, I don't know where I'm goin' but I'll end up in your arms, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

"We Will Still Need A Song"   -Hawksley Workman

"The poets let a generation down!
And modern music could be a healing sound...
it's the only way."
January 10, 2019 at 4:59pm
January 10, 2019 at 4:59pm

Yes yes y'all!! I'm reappearing from my self-induced semi-popularity outside of WDC to address a prompt that has hit me deep down...one that has provided me some instant form of response. I'm down with Lyn and I have a boatload of love and respect for her, so I must address this one on a personal level. Now, remember, this is just my experience...and I hate that this is gonna sound like another ad for all the shit I'm into and have done and am still promoting, but y'all are writers and this is the writing life for people who have found their way into the biz.

*People* In this month's edition of Writer's Digest Diana Pho says, "Writing is hard, but writing own voices is harder. Despite recent efforts statistics show that own voice stories are being left behind in the industry. On top of industrialized challenges minority writers deal with added pressure that their individual story comes to represent of the whole of their community." Do you agree with her assessment? Does the fact the majority of the publishing industry are white, straight, able bodied, and affluent affect the decision making when it comes to publication?

"No"   -Chuck D

"No lightweight bouts up in the air, shoot outs and no sellouts!
No Negroes with egos, no mo' shows callin' women bitches and hoes.
No thoughtless flows, no woes. No singin' voices, no Rolls Royces, no wack choices."

Sorry/Not Sorry...it's the first song that came to mind. Full disclosure: I'm a straight white male. I wouldn't say I work in publishing, but I do tend to promote a lot on a basic level. And yeah, I did some stuff to help get Eliezer Tristan Publishing   off the ground last summer (but I don't like to talk about it, cuz that makes me uneasy...not in a bad way though). Basically, my experience is in Indie Publishing, and I wouldn't have it any other way because breaking into the bigs, or even the mid-majors, is hard. And I've always been an indie kinda guy...I make the rules, I dance to my own beat, and I'll never conform.

ETP is run and staffed by women. Straight up. Their main focus is on Mental Health and stories of resilience. Essays, bios, poems...that's the gig. That's the input/output. Erasing the stigma around Mental Illnesses, which has no boundaries and knows no color, size, personality, achievements, goals, race, creed, financial status, community involvement, and/or cultural fluency. Sorry to go so longform on you there. But it's true. And don't get me started on the statistics that prove 1 out of 4 of us are inflicted in some way with things like depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, and other illnesses.

At Powell's Books before the ETP launch party.
Me as the straight single white guy, an LGBTQ woman, a Muslim,
a married witchy white lady, a Jew, and a zealot
walk into a bookstore...

And what do many of us who are high-functioning despite our diagnoses do? We write. Writing was my way out of depression when I first joined WDC, and was also my savior during some of my worst moments. But I'm getting off-point here.

Sure, many major publishing houses are bound by their own self-imposed standards of race- and gender-inequality. I cannot dispute that. Like any other predominately-male industry, I suppose...CEOs, CFOs, the dude who runs the pizza place by your house, etc. But fuck that...women are making noise and breaking barriers. Probably the biggest influence on me in the last year or so as far as writing my own poetry goes has been several of the Button Poetry   authors. Danez Smith (who is black), Andrea Gibson (an LGBTQ woman), Nicole Lyons, Rudy Francisco (black/Hispanic)...don't tell me voices are being marginalized. Ok, systematically, yes...by major publishing houses, sure. They rely on the big bullshit names to sell millions of books, and that's cute. Old white dudes writing basic mysteries and crime novels, and withering women writing romance novels for the same withering crowd. Nerds and geeks plotting new Sci-Fi and Fantasy landscapes to be explored. Fuck that. Damn the man!!

What I'm sayin' is...seek out what you like, and support the indie authors who make it happen for you. They're out there. They're not making thousands a month off their name...they're bustin' their asses promoting themselves. I've had a book out for six months now through ETP and I'm still more famous on WDC than I am in both Cortland and my hometown, even though I've sold a bunch of books. These are the people you need to be reading- the ones you do the work in researching for- and not what some publication (which is an offshoot of a big magazine corporation) says is "happening now" or recommends for you. Do the work; get the real rewards.

For the blog.

*Computer* I know not many of y'all will remember my friend Julie D - PUBLISHED! , but her and I grew up in the old blogging community together way back before there were blogging groups and extensive forums and contests dedicated to the craft. Anyway, her book On Purpose   just came out from ETP and even though she's not around here very often anymore we still keep in touch and I'm super proud of her for reaching out and getting this work out to the public. I'm even more honored that she included this in her "Acknowledgements" section *Blush* and I'm super stoked to read it.

From her book, On Purpose

Ok ladies and gentlemen, this was my January return to blogging and no, it isn't gonna become a habit as far as I can tell going into the rest of the month, but who knows? All I know is I need to get some food in me and then take a nap. Support your local authors. Go to Open Mic Nights. Spread the word like you would a common cold. That's the bulk of all we've got, most of the time...you. Thanks. Peace, no east coast/west coast beefs, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

October 23, 2018 at 2:57pm
October 23, 2018 at 2:57pm
The Original Logo.

"Choose a Famous Birthday   for today and tell us why you think they should be celebrated."

Yo yo yo!! What's up y'all! This blog is telling me I haven't posted an entry since March 12th...and most of y'all know life's been crazy on this end since then a few months after then. I could sit here and talk all day about how my first WDC Give it 100! attempt became a published book, but that's not what I'm here for and I'm getting enough social media promotion now that I'm worried about Norb fatigue.

So, what am I doing here? I have had the urge to write for the last couple days now, but not in my Wordpress blog or in my poetry notebooks (although I have recently posted some old and new ones in "World By Design, which you can catch up with more easily at "Note: You guys!! It's been s..."). It's time to hang out for a short spell with some old friends again, back in my old haunt. Props to the blogging gods and Dragon- handling shenanigans , for having the energy to do this today and the given prompt which I feel comfortable working with.

Today I'm going with a television legend and a comedic icon, or a television icon and comedic legend, Johnny Carson  ...born on this day in 1925. A game show and variety show host, he became the standard in late-night tv viewing...Carson set the template eventually for every late-night talk/comedy show that followed:

*Bullet* Monologue
*Bullet* short comedic skit (or interlude)
*Bullet* First celebrity guest, usually talking about a recent movie or tv role
*Bullet* Second celebrity guest, usually not as famous or important but still hawking some current project
*Bullet* Musical or comedic performance closing the show

When I filled up my first or second blog (I can't remember) and I was writing for different blogging groups (many times both in the same day), and I was accepting that people liked and enjoyed what I wrote, I made a powerful decision that impacted what I did and how I went about blogging...

I wanted to be the Johnny Carson of blogging.

No bullshit...I'd seen so many of his shows and how his predecessors and his influences operated, and I wanted to bring that feeling into my world with what I was doing. And you can see that in "Who do I still think I am?? and "Still Figurin' Out Who I Think I Am, just in the layout alone. I'd answer a couple prompts after a short intro, throw in a song clip, end it with a few random ha-has, and after I signed off with my signature GOODNIGHT NOW!! I'd toss in another short semi-hilarious yet relevant comedy clip. That's the format that works for me, and that's where the formula came from. There are a few times (like today) when I veer from that, but sometimes that's necessary to fully get out what you want and nothing else seems to fit the script.

I can't tell you how many times I've been asked "What makes a good blog entry?" The question stumps me...the winner of several "30-Day Blogging Challenge rounds, eventual runner of it, and multiple WDC Quill Award winner for blogging while doing that. The best advice I can give is Make It Yours. It's yours from the beginning, and in order to be good, something needs to stand out from the rest of the pack. Two-to-three sentence answers don't make for a good entry. Prompts that can be answered basically by a yes/no response require more work on your end than that. Relate to your audience, once you learn who that audience is...and take advantage of the newsfeed and "The Blog Board. Talk to your other friends through blog comments and IMs...build your own community within the community...the "30-Day Blogging Challenge has been bringing people together in unlikely ways for years! Those are my best hints...other than "I know what I don't like!"

For real though...Johnny Carson is a legit influence on my life. I remember falling asleep to his show on a tiny b/w tv with foil on the rabbit ears after homework and a little studying in high school, like many people. It remains the best way to end my day...falling asleep to late-nite talk shows (or cartoons, depending on the time...but I try to time my bedtime so I can at least catch the Seth Meyers desk monologue and A Closer Look  ). And I'm ok with this...in a world full of hatred and destruction all around, sometimes you need the comfort of laughter to get you through the rest of your night.

With all that said, my friends...this isn't my typical blog entry. Just wanted to give y'all an update and share some thoughts with my people. Thanks to Emily ~ On Vacay! and Dragon- handling shenanigans today, and to everyone who's supported me for buying a copy of my book. Mad love to all y'all. *Peace2* GOODNIGHT NOW!!

This is what the best WDC blog comment sections
should look like.
March 12, 2018 at 8:19pm
March 12, 2018 at 8:19pm
Logo for Pursue the Horizon          

*Bed2* "What are you looking forward to?"

What's up you guys? Double-banger today, as I try to finagle a "Pursue the Horizon - Closed entry along with a "Blogging Circle of Friends prompt...and in my haste of settling on one, I realized the basis for doing the other was totally wrong because I saw #NationalNappingDay   trending on Twitter and instantly mistook that for Prosperous Snow 's prompt *Facepalm*. That's on me y'all...for gettin' too far ahead of myself in this on a day when I wasn't planning on exerting my blog-stench muscle(s) *Laugh*.

The whole idea of me doing this came together when a Gord Downie tribute account on Twitter posted a screenshot of the singer kicked back on the lake, napping with a book. After reading the thread, I learned the pic came from the video for "Chancellor", off his first solo album. Initial pressings of that album were accompanied by a poetry book bearing the same title, Coke Machine Glow  ...and I honestly don't remember seeing the video before (although I may have): sometimes his solo work outside The Tragically Hip is harder to track down on YouTube. The book not only contains the lyrics to the songs on the album, but also a body of work that blows open the idea of "Canadian Rock Singer" into something more personal and diverse than his previous works suggested...it laid the foundation for him later being nominated for high Canadian honors and consideration for Ontario's Poet Laureate award being named after him (and yes, I'm confusing details and too lazy to look up actual citations. but these are real things you can also look up as per your own interests...I'm an unpaid blogger, not a journalist *Smirk*).

Anyway, while there aren't many obvious love songs in Das Hips catalogue, Gord's solo work definitely contains a few with slightly less-veiled references...and really, writing a decent love poem nowadays (in my opinion) involves quite a bit of veils (not the matrimonial kind) and finding the right balance of obscurity in the metaphors (but not too much, because no one gets all the inside jokes that might go into the meat of the wordplay). The music accompanying the words is also a stark contrast...your basic blues-rock band that doesn't often steer too far from the middle of the road, versus tamer (and often acoustic) settings scaled back with the gentlest of sometimes awkward touches.

"Chancellor"   -Gordon Downie

"I'm discovering uses for you I thought I'd never find.
I could've made chancellor without you on my mind."

Are there better songs on the album (and better poems in the book)? Sure, but don't ask me about them right now...this is what I came here for today, so this is what you're getting *Smirk*. Again, Google *Laugh*.

I knew I liked the slow, smooth mellowness when I first heard this, and probably had thoughts on the lyrics too...but that was practically a generation ago. I do, however, remember walking to one of the local grocery stores last spring after coming home from a week of cleaning out my brother's bedroom- where he'd had hidden away approximately half of my cd collection (including all my Hip/Gord discs) out of spite for grabbing as much of my shit as he could from the house my ex and I shared- and this song came on the trusty ol' iPod for the first time. I should've been pissed that he lied to me when I'd asked him if he was sure my cds were gone, but no...caught up in the wave of way too many other things still in processing, I focused in on rediscovering what I thought might've been lost forever.

At a first glance or listen, the lyrics might lead you to the sacrifices (no matter how big or small) we make for others, especially those we're in the tightest quarters with physically and/or emotionally. I mean, I could probably annotate this song (and many of Gord's lyrics) with personal anecdotes that don't, in his words, "serve the song"  . And the word "sacrifice" itself seems so...holy, or something; wholly ghostly maybe, or some other batch of words I don't feel like rearranging right now.

Seconds from pajamas I must
First open all the doors and the windows
And invite the vampire in to be one of us

Then in the guise of cool air
In the softer hours he's there
Sitting talking in the voice of your mother
About leaving one good party for another
And the night of a thousand missteps
And the loss that made him dogged
Or it could have been the doggedness
That caused the loss in the first place I guess

I'm discovering uses for you I thought I'd never find
I could've made chancellor without you on my mind

Crazy daisies and wooden stars
The threat of oxygen on Mars
Marching armies in the night
Smiling strangers riding by on bikes
Children smoking, sloganeers on mics
Just a few things most vampires don't like

I'm discovering uses for you I thought I'd never find
I could've made chancellor without you on my mind

Before the dawning's first light I must
First close up all the doors and the windows
And try to trap that cool air in to be one with us

I'm discovering uses for you I thought I'd never find
I could've made chancellor without you on my mind

But in repeated readings, you see things in yourself and in others that get lost in the idea of sacrificing. Sure, there's the idea of "someone else keeping you from being something you could've been, but you're ok with that because the greater goal together is bigger than your grand plans" and in some respects that's pretty sweet and romantic. Deeper in though, especially the second verse, you're confronted with the reality of everything you're letting in when one door closes and another opens. People like to call that "opportunity" in their favorite workspeak jargon, but no one ever really talks about the downside of what's behind that new door when one's been slammed behind you. In fact, no one talks about what kinds of houses all these doors are opening and closing on people are like...which is bullshit, and people need to stop talking about other peoples' houses in such general, garbage terms *Laugh*.

For about two or three months before my brother died, I'd been taking some online classes through the local career center. They were boring but it was alright, and I was disciplined enough to complete some Office Management requirements, but the process wasn't going to get me as far as completing it in part because the local liaison for the program loved to pretend she gave a shit about my concerns. Still, I was rollin' right along until we lost Doug. After coming back from my mom's and getting resettled for a bit before going back for Christmas, it was just hard recapturing my discipline and dedication to the courses. My ability to pay attention had waned, drastically. There was no focus left...and with that went my ability to pursue a renewal of the software license I had once it expired, without the help of the same liaison between the employment center and the software company. She wasn't easy to deal with...in part because her job involves setting people up for this program- that the center pays for- who wind up ditching. I tried to keep in touch with her, but it wasn't enough. I got my dates wrong and had to rely on her, even after getting her word that I'd been doing so well from the get-go. I thought she had my back and became more understanding than she was, but that's on me for trusting her...although what was I supposed to say? In retrospect I should've advocated for myself better and been up-front with why I'd missed classes and deadlines...but I also didn't want that to be dismissed, as if I were searching for any ol' excuse this lady had likely heard a boatload of times already (making her job and therefore her own miserable-ass self more miserable in the process). I tried, but it was some "too little, too late" shit on my end (thanks, anxiety *Rolleyes*). Now I've got a flash drive full of class completion certificates for a program most employers are probably gonna stare at me like "You made this shit up, didn't you?" and then I'll have to tell them that I proudly did not because I'm not that computer-programmingly gifted and also because I couldn't handle my second attempt at college when I was like 40 and from there, well, you can imagine all the maniacal spaghetti meltdowns your fork could go into and spin and turn and yank up from there.

What a fucking mess of a left turn this entry took, huh.. Wasn't even gonna mention my brother. Or my little-known third collegiate failure (my second was kinda a big deal especially to me, but that's around the time Cinn and Charrr 🌈 [6 years!!] both went back, and when I bottomed out from that I kept expectations for the third time level next to nothing). Guess it's these kinds of things that pop up in my mind when I'm planning trips back home...and a WDC Mod gives you a nonsensical review (legit thing...no names or titles mentioned but if I'm not mistaken I believe Cinn ...you had a row with her awhile back too and it baffles me how some people...never mind...I'll catch up with you about it later probably, cuz goin' at it here isn't my style). But that's the vampire of life, isn't it (getting back to the original point of this entry, finally...the fucking song  )? Eventually you've gotta let things out to let others in, and vice/versa. Take the hard truths along with the misconceptions. Know that sacrifices aren't a one-sided proposition...which is something I still struggle with, from both sides.

And sometimes, when the light clicks on you just gotta open up and roll with it *Laugh*. Especially when you don't have a plan. 'Cept now it's too late to look forward to the nap I originally planned on taking as my response to the "Blogging Circle of Friends prompt...and that's gonna mess me up in other ways cuz now I don't feel like cooking or eating either, which means the even lesser-thought-thru plan of waiting for the cds I bought as part of Kittiara 's birthday gift to come in so I can send them off (which is more *Wink* "inside info" that should stay between us, but here I am, saying nothing by saying...nothing) is my answer to what I'm waiting for, since I'm no longer requesting of myself a nap and will probably wake up at stupid o'clock again tomorrow because time changes change everything *Laugh*.

Thanks for putting up with me today! I've had a day besides all this wordiage, so it's great you came. Hope all y'all are swell...peace, it could have been the doggedness, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

The Tragically Hip
Orange/Grey Street Cred font.
March 11, 2018 at 8:18pm
March 11, 2018 at 8:18pm
Logo for Pursue the Horizon

Hey friends! Well, I've sufficiently been inspired enough to convince myself that today's as good as any to add another poem to my "Pursue the Horizon - Closed experience this year *Delight*...and although I haven't looked back into past entries for today's selection, I know I've talked about this guy before in some way or another, so I'mma do it again.

I don't remember if I'm allowed to say this or not, but a few years ago after going on a Saul Williams-related diatribe in another blog, my wonderful friend Lyn sent me a few of his books that I no longer owned because life. And I'm happy to say that today I went into the closet with all the books on the shelves (y'all really have no idea how amazing the closet space is in this apartment *Laugh*), pulled out his books, and started flippin' through 'em...'til I remembered this one fact about his work: he doesn't title his fucking poems.

Nope. They're a graphic designer's dream I guess (especially , said the shotgun to the head  , which was my introduction to him during my first stint at Waldenbooks in part because the shape of the book made it stand out from all the others in their poorly-themed and [and stocked] Literature section). The books themselves use little symbols or pictures to break up separate pieces, but they're largely without any other identification...making them read more like novels and forcing you to study the individual concepts as part of a greater whole.

And here's me, bored with the idea of reading right now *Rolleyes* *Laugh*...I settled on She   (another graphic artist's dream, in title alone: it's basically S -square root symbol- HE, and the site I use that has all the ALT-key codes indexed doesn't have one for "square root"...furthering my hypothesis that mathematics shouldn't be that big a part of poetry anyway *Laugh*). I fanned open the book, flipping the opposite side of the spine through my fingers like I was shuffling a deck of cards, and wound up on the same page of the poem printed on the back cover...

i presented
my feminine side
with flowers

she cut the stems
and placed them gently
down my throat

and these tu lips
might soon eclipse
your brightest hopes

Even without the context of the poetry leading up to or following this bit, there's a lot going on in these nine scant, precise lines. Every woman likes flowers, until you meet one who doesn't (and suspects you did something wrong upon receiving them, rather than appreciating a nice romantic gesture from out of nowhere). Women like sensitive men...until you date one who doesn't understand why certain songs can make you cry. And everyone involved in a relationship wants the same good things from that unification...but then roles become more defined, and attitudes develop and change with circumstances, and reality overtakes and diminishes the aura of happiness in favor of but now this. Without question. And you know this, man  ...because it's happened to every one of all y'all muhfuggahs in one way or another, from both perspectives (the flower-giver, and the flower-eater).

People say things like "Most relationships fail because of arguments over money" or "You need to have the same backgrounds for things to work" and I say that's all bullshit (but what do I know man...my life's roadmap is dotted with questionable relationships attempted and failed). I think power is an often overlooked and definitely underrated cause of failure, because too many people value it for some sort of unrelated validation. Showing someone something that can be mistaken as or perceived as weakness can get you eaten up alive, especially if the other person is coming at you from a position of "I need to make this work for me" before saying "We need to make this work for both of us". Might sound like some lame-ass bullshit Dr. Phil routine, but you know it's true, especially if it's happened to you (and maybe to a lesser extent if you're a narcissistic twat-waffle playin' cuz she don't get played...annnnnd I'mma reel this back in before my entry turns into an episode of Jerry Springer *Laugh*).

Anyway, back to Saul Williams...his books are captivating. If there's such a category in all of literature as "poetic page-turners that you can't wait to see how they end, just like novels, but it's poems! *Shock*" then he's the god damn President/Prime Minister/Poet Laureate of that country. There's a lot of good poetry out there, and a lot that doesn't rely on tropes of love and heartbreak and loss and recovery to tell you about those same things. If I'm being honest, he made writing fun for me again after one of the many lulls (you and) I have been through. His non-traditional books shook up my ideas of what it meant to be published; the presentation was far different than the stale, institutionalized form that smells like decrepit library books past the due dates last stamped on the insides from 1973. And of the more recent poets I've read, it kinda sucks that they haven't done more of what he did as far as design goes, but...indie poets need backing and have to bend (usually to colleges who put them on some kind of mentor nonsense), while Williams was an old Def Poetry Jam   vet who worked his talent into having more resources at his disposal for publishing purposes and parlayed some fame into bigger projects. Basically, check him out. If you're as dismayed by the stereotypes you attract, inhabit, encourage, and display, as I am, you'll find he's pumping new life into you from a different angle.

Group signature.

*MedicalBlue* "The Sunday News! This week, Martin Shkreli cried in court as he was sentenced to seven years in prison   for his part in federal fraud charges. You may know him as the smug Pharma-bro with the punchable face who jacked up the price of a life-saving HIV medicine from $13.50 a pill to $750; I prefer to remember him as the douchebag who made a mockery of his purchasing the single copy in existence of the Wu-Tang Clan's album Once Upon A Time In Shaolin (there's still time to save us, Bill Murray!!  ). So this week, my question is "Why should we feel sorry for this guy?", along with "Why are people with access to hedge funds controlling our pharmaceutical industry...instead of, ya know, like, doctors?""

BAHAHAHAHAHA nope. I do not feel bad for this asshole one bit.

I try not to let my personal feelings intrude upon the 30DBC prompts I send out too often, but sometimes it's hard not to. And really, I'm sorry to have to say this, but if you think he deserves an ounce of compassion then maybe you're reading the wrong blog and kinda maybe go rot in his jail cell with him. Pisses me off that he didn't go to jail for raising the costs of a pill that is meant to be a part of giving people who are suffering from an incurable disease a better life, but that he misled investors...basically, he fucked old rich white dudes outta money and that's why he got stuck with seven years, while the sick and poor they all profited off of got dicked hard into the fire. Who needs a Hippocratic Oath anyway when it's the banks and insurers and shady-ass investors deciding on who gets to live or die? I'm not one to wish death or harm upon anyone (I believe strongly against it, actually), but I hope this asshole gets gang-raped in jail and they can't figure out who gave him any number of infections and STDs. To paraphrase multiple Twitter commentariats on the topic over the last coupla days, I hope someone bottles his tears and tries to sell them at a 5000% markup. Dunno what they'd be good for, because they won't cure AIDS. Or prison overpopulation. Or the healthcare industry.

Gambling is fun, I guess...for those who're into it. Wanna try your casino hands at the stock market? Sure...good luck homie. But the marriage of corporations and health is just flat-fuck wrong, yo. You're gambling on people getting sick and dying (or barely keeping them alive) just to make money in the long run. I don't think you need me to tell you how sick and twisted that is. Sure, doctors and nurses need patients to have jobs, but it's not like people are gonna stop getting sick or hurting themselves. No matter how many times you ram into someone's brain activity all the various thinkpieces around "Don't drink and drive!", "See this dying smoker's lungs!", or "Fast food is bad for you...like, really bad!"  , people are gonna do whatever the fuck they wanna do. Sorry...had to go piss out a beer and have a smoke while memorializing all the healthy people I knew who've died unexpectedly from heart attacks and cancer and car accidents. Where was I? *Think*

Yeah, investing in businesses that may or may not last is one thing. Turning quality healthcare into a roulette table isn't cool or funny or, like, a good look...even if your brand is basically you just being a dick. Search Martin Shkreli on YouYube, and then watch any of Ghostface Killah's videos responding to his bullshit...be it the price of HIV pills or the mysterious single-copy $2 million Wu-tang album. Don't tell me Martin doesn't look like someone you'd punch in the face after about 20 seconds of conversation...I don't think you even need to hear him speak to make that judgement. I do not feel sorry for him at all. And I'm not in the business of telling people what to think or holding their views against them, but if you have any shred of forgiveness toward him, I'm gonna hafta feel a lotta shame toward you and for all the right reasons. If you're in an industry that relies on making life harder for people who cannot afford quality medication, you should promptly get fucked. Don't try to moralize money with me, and don't bring up right-wing hypocrisy nonsense either...summa y'all dorks with that noise will trip over your own dicks defending some pretty crazy bullshit in the name of nothing that'll stand for you or matters to you when your own life matters. You need to learn how to play for different teams in different sports during the proper seasons, and that's all I'm gonna say about that besides ...something I knew I wanted to add but got distracted and now can't remember *Facepalm*.

Blog divider.

It's Sunday, which means it's a good enough time for me to share another Saul Williams project here with you that I've prolly copy/pasted a buncha times before...from the album he put out with Trent Reznor (of Nine Inch Nails, as the producer) is this gritty and slightly bombastic U2 cover, complete with a spoken-word interpretation at the end. The visuals can be stark and antagonistic at times (but isn't that the point of poetry?), and when you wonder why a lot of great poets your mind likes don't read in public often or record themselves, you have to consider if it's because things like this make them think they're not as capable. Hell, I already know half the time saying out loud some of the things I write is almost impossible *Laugh*. And "Sunday Bloody Sunday" is a pretty easy read anyway...but if I were to cop a similar demeanor on top of that? Bitch please, I'mma amateur *Rolling*.

"Sunday Bloody Sunday"   -Saul Williams

"This many lost, but tell me who has won?"

For the blog.

Some notes while waiting for the weekend to end, ushering in the arrival of cool new things, and...oh wait:

*Dollar* Smaller local banks are cool for many reasons, but they can eat shit when they lock your debit card down from online purchases. I'm appreciative of "Fraud Protection" measures, but sometimes they're really ridiculous about that. Do I need some restraint? Perhaps...but I also don't need iTunes telling me after x-amount of dollars spent my business is no longer welcome there unless I use some kind of "better than shopping from the comfort of your home" money, which is why I thought I had a debit card to being with! But what do I know? I haven't actually had money to spend on randomness in like almost a decade. Can't win for losin', or something someone said that I may have misheard once or several times and misunderstood, because people are dumb.

*Sneaker4* Really great that I could finally afford to buy an actual pair of sneakers I wanted for the first time in six years that wasn't a birthday gift I settled on because my neediness got the best of me, but fuck me for wanting black shoelaces for my Adidas Superstars   and making me go to Walmart to get them because no one sells flat black laces anymore. It's easy to bitch about things and claim life is "criminal" because you can't get what you want when you want it, but if FedEx can show up at my door at 9pm-ish on a Saturday then I shouldn't hafta go across town for some fucking shoelaces that I will spend more on in bus fare than the actual laces them-fucking-selves, for real.

*Quill* And finally, as a result of my negligence regarding "Note: New stuff! So...MB CHALLENGE...", I've decided to enter "Abandoned By Myself into this round of "Shadows and Light Poetry Contest. It's not what I would've entered, but had I paid attention to the rules I might not have needed to crowdsource a decision anyway. Oh who the fuck am I kidding? I still might've done it, but at least maybe I'd have come up with a different answer *Laugh*.

Alright you people- all of you- I have food to make and a nap to take and I'm done with this and you for a little while *Laugh*. Come for the poem, stay for the music, get slammed on the head with a political-ish opinion on your welcome way out...I think that's how this works. I dunno...the blogging landscape is volatile and always changing and what works one day doesn't work five years later when you decide to reconnect *Laugh*. Time to for realsies go figure out what to fatten my carcass padding up with...peace, how long must we sing this song, and GOODNIGHT NOW!!

A poignant "Pearls Before Swine" comic strip.
Orange/Grey Street Cred font.

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