%%USERNAME%%    %%ACCWORDS%% %%ONOFF%% |
 |
The World As I Have Known It, Times Will Be Written as I Remember the Memories |
|
Does anyone hear my cries? I am only 3. Why isn't anyone coming to calm my tears flowing like Niagra Falls over the edge of the abyss. It started with nightmares, peeing the bed, and screaming. I crept down the stairs, searching for help. I could hear the fighting. I sat on the bottom step, around the corner where they did not hear or see me. I sat there crying for what seemed like an eternity. I see my mom's hand being slammed into the card table. I hear the pain in her voice as she cries out. Why is my father hurting my mother? Why is he so angry? What did she do? Do either of them care that I sit here drenched in my own urine, crying due to what I thought was a nightmare. Do I exist for anyone in this house? I had so many questions for someone so small and young. I was born into chaos and trauma. Does anyone hear me? It was a steamy afternoon in mid July. There were a few close family and friends gathered around the kitchen table to celebrate my younger brother's second birthday. I was only 3 myself, our birthdays are approximately sixteen and a half months apart. I don't remember who attended. I don't remember why it occurred. I only remember the escalation and the feeling of fear, dread, and awareness of violence. I only remember my older brother and my dad become louder and louder, yelling, swearing, arguing. I remember my dad standing up from his seat and my older brother go flying through the air, like superman, into and through the screen door leading out to the driveway. That was the last day my brother lived with us, the brother that I loved, feared, and have so many conflicting emotions about. My dad drove my oldest sibling away. Three older siblings that should have protected me, yet caused me more trauma are a big part of this story. The oldest and the third child were part of the nightmares. I didn't know the night that big nightmare happened, but as I got older and payed more attention myself when I would awaken during the night, I would hear them. My two older brothers had an attic entrance in the ceiling of their room across the house. It was one of those square cut outs that you could push up and slide over. The other opening in the ceiling for the attic, was in my room. They would climb up into the attic from their bunk beads and crawl across the house and make scary noises while I slept, causing the nightmares to start. My older sister, the only girl until I was born, would be made to babysit me at times. Her hatred of me was evident each time she babysat me. I remember being put in the dark bathroom. I remember her putting me on the couch and holding pillows over my face, pushing down as hard as she could until I stopped moving, trying to suffocate me, while her best friend would watch and laugh. There were times as a little girl that I wished I hadn't been brought into this world. What did I do to incite the wrath of these wretched creatures? I didn't want to be here any more than they did. Why did they cause me so much pain? |
| Twenty-Five Years..... That is how many years of my life off and on that I have spent in some type of therapy. The first therapist I saw was in my teenage years. It was in the 80's, court ordered for the whole family and individually, and was a horrific experience. HIPAA was not enacted at the time. I thought, stupidly and naively that what I said to a counselor was to be kept between the doctor/counselor and the patient. Boy, was I wrong. No sooner, had I left, the creepy man, would call my parents and repeat everything I had said. Not f'ing cool! I was a teenager, from an abusive home, who had been the only one of three children, the night my bad lost all control, to have the nerve to testify against him in a court of law. I thought counseling services were supposed to help people, not hurt them. This was the start of a long complicated journey, but a start nonetheless, to who I would eventually become! Destiny Hope Destiny Hope |
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
