by M Frederick
"I can do all this through Him who gives me strength." Philippians 4:13 NIV
Welcome to My WDC blog
Thoughts as I walk with Jesus.
|Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV):
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to Him, and he will make your paths straight."
This piece of scripture has been on my heart quite strongly as of late. As I am growing in my faith, I am finding that my old ways of thinking are being replaced by trusting Him and trusting his process.
The Lord Jesus Christ has changed my life and I will walk with Him the rest of my days as I do the Lord's work.
Have you ever risen in the morning, after a 6-8 hour sleep session, and felt as if your spirit spent the night away from your body? That happened to me this morning. I spent the last 30 minutes or so talking to a drawing of a fish (my son drew it for me) and asking him/her how I could explain this experience in writing. More specifically - in a way that would make sense.
The reason I felt compelled to discuss this with an inanimate object is because I often get my best advice from things that do not speak. Or listen. Or understand...I suppose I just need something to look at while I am thinking.
So, this morning...
I wake up at the crack of 7:45AM. Roosters are already digesting breakfast and the sun is easily high above the horizon. I open my eyes and my first visual of the day is the ceiling. It's white. I stretch my arms above my head and stretch my legs - within one second, both of my hamstrings and both of my shoulder blades lock up. I am frozen into position. The locking of my shoulder blades is painless but the hamstrings feel like something has a grip on my muscle and is twisting it. All I can do is wait it out...I am frozen and unable to move.
I glance up at the ceiling - still white.
Eventually the pain subsides and I am able to move again. I just lay motionless. The only movement on my entire body is the blinking of my eyes and the slow raising of my chest with every breath I take.
In a strange way - I still feel frozen although, I feel I could move if I choose to. Approximately 10 minutes pass and I still have not chosen to move. I don't have a particular reason...I just haven't. I haven't even moved my head.
Skip ahead to 8:45- (I know the time because there is a wall clock that is within my periphery while I am laying on my back) one hour after I first opened my eyes. Still not a movement - just the spot-on rhythmic pattern of my breathing and the blinking of my eyes.
Then - chest pain! Incredible chest pain that forces my body to sit upright insanely fast. The moment I get myself sitting upright, the pain transfers to my shoulders and then down to the middle of my back. The entire transfer from chest to back takes about 4 seconds.
I whisper to myself, "What the hell is this?"
The moment I voice those words is the moment all the pain stops. It's not a slow process of the pain releasing either. It's just gone. Intense pain one second - fully pain-free the next.
I gently test my body by moving around a bit while I am still sitting on the bed. Slow stretches of my back and arms. Then a few leg stretches. It is gone.
I am thirsty now. I move toward the edge of my bed. I toss a few pillows out of my way and place both feet on the floor. It is at that very moment when I realize...the pain, the feeling of being frozen from pain, the feeling of being able to move yet not moving, and the instant release from all of it. I am free.
I am aware. I was awake. I was thinking yet my thinking wasn't reactionary. In hindsight, it was almost like my thoughts were put on "auto-pilot." I was living in a temporary default setting. My body reacted to the re-entry of my subjective consciousness. I am unsure what caused the pain. Maybe the pain was inflicted as a 5-second distraction so that I wouldn't recall much of the re-entry; due to the physical awareness of feeling pain? I don't know this for sure but I think it's a good starting point.
I want the higher wisdom to know one thing - I live my life is constant curiosity. It never fades or becomes less intense. I see beauty in things that some people don't even "see." I know I am not my body. I know I am not my possessions. I know I am not what I do. I know that these words I am writing right now aren't mine. I know that I am not what people think of me. I am increasingly curious of you. I fear nothing because there is nothing more powerful than the human spirit.
I am everything. I am everyone. This blip of reality I am experiencing at this moment is a dream. It's a cosmic manifestation of thought, imagination,and consciousness. I know that all of us, even you - yeah you the person reading this - are fragments of something so big and so incredibly magical that it's beyond our comprehension. It's a truly fascinating topic to discuss but, that's all it is. A topic. It will always be a topic because this universal wisdom is something we aren't even capable of conceiving due to our limited, 5-senses-perception of the universe.
Intuition, love, and oneness can be felt but it can't be fully explained. This is where the road to truth is. Go with the formless and go with what is in your heart. I guarantee if you do this, even if you slip up at times - you'll never be too far from your path. And your path is yours - there's no speed limit and there's no traffic. So go drive and don't stop until there's nothing left in the tank.
Much love and thanks for reading.
Hello, writing.com family.
It's been a few days since I've added to this blog so I figured I should hop in here and get some words down on the page.
Life is interesting, isn't it? Yesterday, I experienced two moments that were significantly distant in time yet they were both highly relevant to my mindset lately.
I arrived to my job around 5:40AM. I stood in the parking lot of the giant Boeing Everett factory and watched the sunrise. It was beautiful as it peeked over the Cascade mountain range with, just enough, distant clouds to make it a pink and blue explosion to the new day.
This connection to the universe got me through the day with ease.
I arrived home from my job around 3:15PM. Got my routine going as I started up the PC and made the coffee - I worked for 2-3 hours on a few different projects. Made dinner, played outside with my son for a little while, and settled in for the nightcap of writing after the handsome boy was sleeping.
Before I began to write, I went outside to get some fresh Seattle air. I noticed the sun was nearly setting over the Olympic Mountains (Yes, mountains for both sunrise and sunset - Seattle is beautiful) and I was immediately drawn in to the significance of catching this moment.
After seeing the sunrise that same morning and then seeing the sunset, I had the feeling of, "I am extremely grateful to be part of this experience of life."
Too often we get caught up in everyday life and forget to be still and look around. Just look around - this place we call Earth is quite remarkable. Everywhere you look - there is beauty. For instance, I just glanced out my window here in my 2nd story room and I saw a bird fly by. It was gliding, so smoothly across the sky. Beauty.
Life is awesome. And I don't say that because of what I have, what I do, or who I know. I say it because I have eyes that allow me to witness the incredible every single day.
My name is Matthew. And I am grateful, honored, and humbled.
Carry on, you lovely creatures.
Woke up a bit late this morning - the lawnmower man almost received a dart to his neck... luckily for him I have restraint. And no darts.
I got my coffee now, so I am good. The lawnmower man has moved on to bigger and better grass. I do love the smell he left behind though. It smells like summer.
I wanted to share something with my friends here at WdC - I purchased a book recently that was recommended by my instructors. I purchased it about a week ago - it showed up here about 3 days ago - and it's now on my shelf of books that I've read. This is something I recommend everyone go buy and read - Today.
The book is called, "The War of Art" by Steven Pressfield. 'Break through the blocks and win your inner creative battles.' I can't remember what I paid for it but it's not much. Either way, if you're serious about taking your creative endeavor to a higher level - the investment is worth it. Invest in you.
I hope everyone stays safe this weekend. Much love, my friends.
6/18 11:24PM- My son is my life. I’m sitting with him on the bed, where I’m sure I’ll be for the rest of the night. As I sit here and look at him, I’m often overcome with such emotion that I feel paralyzed. The love is indescribable. The sorrow I feel for him, I can’t begin to express in written form. He’s an extremely happy kid yet I know he’s missed out on so much. I just want my son to be happy. I know he’s going to experience pain, anger, sorrow, etc. But I want contentment for him. I want him to enjoy life and to experience love, joy, and fulfillment.
I sit with him at night and watch him sleep. I do this often. I ponder life and what his life will be like as he grows older. I think about Christmas’s and how he didn’t understand what was happening. No matter how hard I tried to explain it to him, that magical feeling I had as a child just wasn’t there for him. That creates an extreme sadness within me. I think about birthdays. I think about holidays. I think about the little league games he can’t play in. I think about the millions of times I said, “my childhood was the best days of my life.” I wonder if he will be able to claim the same. This is my only son. He is my life. These are only a fraction of the reasons. He’s my reason for so many things I do everyday – in a sense, he is part of the formless energy that keeps my heart beating.
A smile on his face naturally brings one to mine. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve sat with him at night, as I watch him sleep, and my eyes begin to water. In fact, that just happened about 90 minutes ago. I love this boy more than anything in the universe and I mean that. I can say, with absolute certainty, that not a day has gone by in the last 2-3 years that he hasn’t heard me say, “Daddy loves you.” Multiple times per day.
He’s my reason. The sleepless nights as I work on my craft. The mental readiness I am preparing for. The will that often feels defeated is violently shoved back into the arena by a simple thought of his smile. He’s the reason I willingly suffer. He’s the reason why that suffering is dealt with internally. He’s the reason I sacrifice. I do it all in hopes that my success will ease any future troubles for him. But most of all, I want my son to be proud of me. I want him to say, “Yeah, that’s my Dad… He may seem like a regular guy but he’s actually a superhero.”
*I wrote that last night as I was sitting on my son’s bedside. I am still in his room with him.
As with many creations – whether it’s a painting by an artist, a song by a musician, a sculpture by a wood-carver, or a piece of writing by a writer – it never truly feels complete or it doesn’t quite capture the true essence of where the inspiration came from. At least this is the case with most of the creative-types I’ve spoken to about this.
This boy is my unconditional one. Given everything I’ve written and everything we’ve gone through – one thing remains. And that one thing is the pursuit of completion. When it’s my time to make the return trip home, the last few miles will be on fumes because I intend to end this journey with nothing left in the tank. Give everything I have – Everyday.
My will is unstoppable. My hunger will never be satisfied. My resilience will be tested – and I will prevail. I fear nothing and I am willing to sacrifice anything to get there.
You’re my best friend, little man.
Also found on my website at:
Life continues to amaze me. I can’t express how grateful I am to be a part of this. I’ll let you in on my most recent “wow” moment. It happened just a few hours ago. I took a break from writing this post to go put some gasoline in my Jeep. I get up early in the morning so it’s best if I don’t have a bunch of stuff to do before I get to work. Anyway – I make it to the gas station and all the pumps are occupied by other drivers. I pull up behind a car and begin waiting for the man to finish pumping his gas. As I sit there and look around, I begin to feel the energy from everyone. The life stories that surround me. Billions of experiences and stories within a 30-foot radius. I glance over to the pay booth and the clerk (Girl – mid 20’s) opens the side door and comes out with a broom and a dustpan. She begins to sweep around a few vending machines. I become consumed with thoughts of life, movements, and constant changes. People working menial jobs just to have the means to buy food and shelter themselves. (and perhaps their family) Sacrifices. Selfless acts. Random acts of kindness. I felt love and I could not tell you exactly who or what it came from. I didn’t care. It felt nice. I felt human – and that is what life is all about. Standing alone, pumping gas, and smiling while looking at the sky.
In this moment – all I saw was a dark sky. No substance, no clouds, no sun, no stars, no moon…but it was incredibly beautiful.
|Woke up this morning with a goat in my bedroom. I asked him why he was in my house. He said "I am following a scent."
"What scent are you following?" I asked. He looked at me.
"You have a reptile for a pet in here?" He asked.
"No. Just an orange goldfish and the ant farm." I said.
The goat immediately starts to breathe heavily. An uncomfortable type of breathing. His face displaying pain.
"Hey, what's going on with you, Mr. Goat?"
"Where's your ant farm?" He asked.
"It's right there, near the Michael Jackson bobble head."
The goat spins around, gets as close as his big nose will allow him to get to the farm and said -
"Yep, that's what I thought. You need to get in there and remove this ant."
He points to an ant near the bottom of the farm. The ant he pointed to is identical to the rest with the exception of one minor detail. It has feet that resemble human feet.
I retrieve the magnifying glass that came with the farm. After closer inspection - I realize the ant is my 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Wilson.
The ants have taken body parts of some of the other dead ants and meticulously placed them all over Mrs. Winston's body to make her appear to be an ant.
Understandably confused, I ask the goat why there is a miniature Mrs. Winston in my ant farm...and why is a goat in my bedroom telling me about it?
The goat said "The answers you seek are with Mrs. Winston."
I looked back into the ant farm. Using the magnifying glass, I could see Mrs. Winston yelling something at me, however, I can not hear anything.
I ask the goat if there is a way for me to get inside so I can speak to her.
"The answers you seek are with Mrs. Winston. I need to leave now. Goodbye, Waterboy."
The goat jumps out of the window, shattering the glass and making a agonizing sound as he hits the ground outside.
Adding to this periodically.
Welcome to the 14th of March, 2015. Happy birthday, Mr. Einstein.
The day started off just as most days do - by the sound of smooth jazz filling the room. I've found it's a much more soothing way to rise as opposed to the traditional sound we've all used for so long. I assume most people wake to something other than that noise nowadays but yeah, mine is smooth jazz.
Allow me to fast forward to the point I was about to get into my car. Decided I wanted a doughnut. I am walking to my car, shielding my face from the rain with my hoodie. From the corner of my eye, I see a giant bird on the hood. I stop to look at it. It was incredible. An absolutely majestic creature. I was in awe of it. The way it was moving its head to look around was a thing of beauty. Every single movement was graceful. I must have stood in the same spot for 5 minutes staring at this bird while getting drenched from the cold, morning rain.
After an eventual 30-second staring contest between the bird and myself, it flew off while showcasing an impressive wingspan and catching the closest air current, probably in record time.
All I could do is smile as I walked the rest of the way to the car.
When I arrived at the store, I found myself in line standing next to an old man. Probably 70's or early 80's. I told him about the bird and his response is something that I will never forget. He said "The bird knew you were soaking up inspiration from its presence. That is why it stayed there. Animals have that sense and that particular bird wanted you to be inspired."
My day peaked at 8AM this morning. Your move, nighttime muse.
I write a lot about inspiration. Positive thinking habits. Culture breeding generations of people to embrace banality.
Often, I go through my notebooks and ask myself this question--"Who are you to decide what is mediocre?" Or, more frequently, it's been--"Who are you to write about positive thinking or to suggest that habitual thoughts and actions geared toward optimism and positivity can change your life?"
This is the demon I arm wrestle with everyday. He/She talks a lot.
The answer to my demon's questions are simple: It's what I feel. I've made mistakes in life, who hasn't? I have done things that, in hindsight, clash to the core of being optimistic and positive. These experiences are necessary. Necessary to mold, learn, and apply later in life. Without negative, there is no positive and vice versa. Just as everything else in nature has an opposite that assists in maintaining a perfect balance--so do our thoughts. Many are subconscious, however, the subconscious thoughts are manifested by personal choice over a period of time.
A great metaphor for this is--think about a crock pot that is brewing up a delicious meal. Cooking time is 2 days for this particular recipe. You gather up all the ingredients (personal beliefs) for the recipe (conclusion) and put them all in the crock pot (your mind). You close the lid and walk away to let it simmer for 48 hours.
Closing the lid and walking away is the key to this. I think (hope) you understand what I'm trying to say.
I wanted to mention another ridiculous phrase my demon says often. He just said it, just now, as I was finishing that last sentence about the crock pot metaphor. He says "You're really going to post that blog entry or story entry online? Dude - nobody cares."
He can be a real a##hole, am I right?
Again, it's okay. Eventually, he will take his La-Z-Boy and move out or keep his mouth closed when he has a thought. This will happen as soon as he realizes his antics aren't as effective anymore. I digress...
Thoughts about yourself, what you truly believe about you, what is possible for you are all extremely powerful thoughts. They create you, silently, by influencing your surrounding thoughts and actions. I am referring to the deep, inner feelings you have about yourself.
Yesterday I mentioned culture. I want to explain because just the term "culture" can be taken in many contexts. When I refer to culture, I am referring to typical, the norm, prime time television, 50% off at old-navy, name brand, marketing brainwash mechanics and many other things that turn people into a herd of cattle following the herder to his bank.
Think for yourself. Question everything. Never allow the opinion of another human (or inner demon) to alter your focus.
Thanks for reading.
When a river is flooded due to an excess of rain, there is water on surrounding areas that isn't supposed to be there. Life in those areas must now quickly adapt to this change or seek shelter until the water subsides - which, in turn, delays their life work. Even if it's only a few hours.
If you pour a glass of lemonade into a cup and continue pouring after it has reached the brim, there is going to be lemonade all over the kitchen counter. This becomes an issue that could have been prevented if you would have stopped pouring when it was full. Now, your main focus, instead of drinking a delicious glass of lemonade, is trying to remember where you put the paper towels.
These 2 lessons are different in nature but offer the same lesson in life.
Keep yourself full but don't overfill with excess. This goes for everything in life. Balance.
True success is measured by contentment in one's personal achievements and growth. To me, success is simply- living life while giving everything you have to act on the things you're passionate about. I believe the term "Success" has had its meaning altered by cultural engineers and generations of kids being told what it means to be successful in life. I am getting off topic here. I will save that one for another time.
Success is internal. External rewards from internal success. Positive thinking and not allowing past experiences to determine your future possibilities. Your past is not a reflection of what your future has in store. Especially if you can understand that hardships, while painful in the moment, are there to teach and develop your spiritual growth. They are not a punishment.
Positive thinking leads to positive results. These positive results may not be as timely as you'd prefer or come to pass the way you'd like them to but - It is certainly a path that is parallel with your true nature.
Nobody's destiny is to be mediocre. Culture hypnotizes and eventually can cripple an artistic mind.
Keep that eye open and trust yourself.
The above post is bullet points for tomorrow's entry.