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A third journal of personal musings |
 My life always continues to change and it only stands to reason that with each change, there should be a journal dedicated to it. |
Prompt: Pumpkins “There are three things that I’ve learned never to discuss with people: religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.” Linus, It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown Pumpkins are showing up around us here in October. If you were to carve a pumpkin or write a poem or a story to represent something in your life (unlike Linus), what would your pumpkin symbolize? It would be one of two things: love or women. Love For a long time around here, I was Bernie the Romantic. I always just loved reading about two people falling in love. Maybe there being some suspense in there or a mystery that they both need to solve. I'm not here to say that I've fallen out of love with that, because I haven't. I just love the strength of love. Mathew and I have been together since 2004. For 9 years we had a long distance relationship (we were poor, Mathew went to college) and after my parents passed, I moved up when I was going to move and moved to Indiana in the summer of 2013. Since then, Mathew and I have lived together. We've been through a lot of adversity since then. Even though our relationship itself has been easy, the environments we've inhabited haven't always been so. The first three years, we lived with his mom and she isn't...easy to live with. It was very frustrating and we didn't really have much of an option financially. I couldn't support both of us on what I was making at the time, so we had to wait until he finished college, which he did at the top of his class in 2014. He got a job that following September and we ended up having to wait until June of 2016 before we could move (we had planned the previous summer, but his mother conveniently didn't find one that was up to snuff for her). After that, we had our own place and while it was affordable and a decent size for a one bedroom (and it had been renovated!), it was located within an old structure. The pipes were from 1966 and it showed. We constantly were having issues with the sink backing up (which didn't help that we had a lot of Burmese refugees living there and I don't think they quite understood that rice shouldn't go into the garbage disposal) and our toilet bubbling, which also meant there was a backup somewhere in the line. Our apartment was on the first floor but it was also half in the ground, so our windows were basically level with the ground. We didn't mind until our apartment flooded...twice. After the second time and realizing that they weren't really doing anything to either remediate the issue or fix the damage, we left. It was incredibly frustrating for us. I also just got a new job working for Costco the same year we moved into this apartment, so I was making a little more money than I was before, but it felt like instead of getting to enjoy it, we were having to move again. It was a smaller, although nicer (and more expensive) apartment. Thankfully the maintenance at this complex was very on point, very nice (but the office, which seemed to be a revolving door, while nice was also frustrating to deal with at times!). Then in 2020 came Covid! ALL OF THIS to say that Mathew and I came though all of it. It wasn't perfect, or pretty. It was never ugly or destructive or toxic. Just that sometimes the beauty of love is that rough pot-hole filled road you take through life. Knowing that no matter what life can throw at you, that the other person is there. Sometimes it's bringing the funny and sometimes it's just knowing they're there with you. As much as relationships can be, to be in a healthy one is an amazing thing and I feel very lucky to have Mathew in my life. Women As a woman who understands the plight that we have been through, that we still go through, it has always been a foundational structure point for me to support them always. To lift them up whenever I can. To just tell someone they look pretty, they're doing good, whatever they did was amazing. I don't know, whatever. To support them however and whenever I can. To be the friend they deserve. I feel like now, especially, they deserve to know how wonderful they are, no matter what place they're at. That they can do anything they set their mind to. That I believe in them, even if no one else does. To tell them wear that outfit, cut your hair, go on that trip, be who you want to be. |
Prompt: "October is the month for painted leaves.... As fruits and leaves and the day itself acquire a bright tint just before they fall, so the year near its setting. October is its sunset sky; November the later twilight." Henry David Thoreau Are you ready for October? What about November? Are your plans for this late fall season include more reading and writing? I love fall. I love how cozy it can be. I love the atmosphere of it. I love the aesthetics of fall. I love driving (or walking) and it's kinda damp, overcast, but the leaves are a striking bright yellow/orange. I love the mood it creates. I love how it looks. I love how it feels. I love snuggling in large hoodies and comfy pants and warm socks. Yes, I'm ready for October and November. I love Halloween, Thanksgiving. I love it getting cooler and snuggling into your clothes. I definitely plan on reading more. I got a couple of new books for my birthday this month and I have some B&N giftcards burning a hole in my pocket to use. I'm also planning on writing too with the NaNo Prep Writing Session this month and hopefully also doing the NaNo Session for next month too. I'm wanting to just get back into writing, since I've just been struggling in general. Which I think has been, what I believe to be and need to get officially diagnosed, ADHD. It's just been hard to focus. I think it's something I've always had, but I think Covid (the time, not the actual thing, not sure if I had it (and if I did, I didn't have the full bore, just the cough)) just blew it up. So I think this is a perfect (and I'm loving what the Writing Season has been so far and what it looks like!) way to just kinda do it. I also want to do some baking. I have an apple cider cake bread that I want to make that I'm looking forward too. I've been let down by the cider donuts here in Indiana, so I'm hoping that this will fill that gap that I've been missing since I've moved from New York. Cider is also just been okay, but been better than the donuts. I'll be playing some of the new Control: Resonant too, so that will also kinda help set the mood too. |
Prompt: "Effective time management is about choices, not watches." — Stephen Covey Do you agree with Mr. Covey that time management is about choices? Do you use your time wisely? It's funny to see this prompt, not because I've wondered it for myself (though I have!), but because I was recently talking about ineffective time management with my managers at work. To set the table, I work at Costco as a morning merchant (otherwise known as a morning stocker). I work in clothing, so I'm the one who puts out the new items (also moves items), stocks stuff and otherwise keeps it looking pretty (we try, though a lot of days I feel like it's just trying to get through the day). I come in at 4:30am (I'm in Eastern, aka WdC time) and while normally in clothing, we're usually left alone, our floor manager will sometimes have us do really dumb moves that take up our entire morning (and they usually always happen on days that we planned on stocking stuff (stuff we already have to help make space beneath our tables for when we get either new product or more of something we already have)) and we're having to finish after open. At least for us, it's just annoying. Whether or not we finish, the store opens. It's often when you can tell that stupid moves were made and we couldn't make time. Let me add, they aren't stupid for being dumb moves that don't make sense, they're stupid because it's too much work for the people we have and the time we have to do it in. So a lot of times (like today!!!) we're struggling to make open. We open at 9:00 am now (instead of 10) for Executive members (if you are unware of Costco or wholesale warehouse memberships (I think Sam's has something similar) there is the basic membership, it allows you in the building to buy stuff. Then there's the—in our case Executive—next level membership that costs more, but also has additional perks), so we've lost stock time. Our GM has also made is come in at 4:30 (used to come in at 4:00am)am, so that was more time. We were told when this started that we would be opening exactly at 9. That was a lie, because now we have to aim for 8:50am. So that's more time. That also doesn't count for the fact that we've lost merchant spots because night merch was supposed to take over some of what we do. Like foods ("grocery/dry goods" essentially). Well, they hired people, but then out of all the people they hired, they now have like 2. So what they were supposed to do isn't getting done, so we have to pick that up. Which is fine, but we're still hella short. We've hired some back, but not enough. I guess what I'm saying here is, I think our management has forgotten this and also doesn't care. BUT, since we're talking about me. It really depends on the day. And the thing. If I have to be somewhere, I am hella good at time management. If it comes to doing a thing I don't really want...sometimes my ADHD just kinda kicks in and the time sucks happen and while I do get things done, sometimes just not everything I want to. lol |
Prompt: Today is a good day. Make it a great one. How do you make today a great one? Write about this in your Blog entry today. I always try to make it a good day. Some days are harder than others, but I try to make them good days. Easy days are usually coming home and one of my cats greeting me at the door. Even though it's because she wants treats, it still makes me happy that she's there. She'll do her naily knead stretch on my thigh and chatter away as I prepare her and her sister, Daisy, treat bowls. On weekends or on a week like this week, Mathew is off, so I'll call him and talk to him on my way home (sometimes it's the whole way, sometimes half, sometimes it's only a few minutes) and just talking to him, sometimes about my day, sometimes his, sometimes just about random things just helps loosen up whatever grunge has me. I also like to check the r/cats subreddit because sometimes you catch some adorable pictures or videos of cats being funny or adorable and that also helps shift things in a positive mode for me. There's also a YouTube channel that I've been following for a long long time, called RedLetterMedia. They're probably originally known for their Star Wars prequel videos (basically talking about why they're bad in actual film and industry knowledge), but they also have a show called Best of the Worst. They talk about shitty movies, but they're all friends and they've known each other for a long time and it shows. The camaraderie and chemistry they all have just feel like friends hanging out and talking about movies. They'll riff on stuff and make jokes, pick on each other, and just have fun. Sometimes if I'm just feeling lonely or just kinda ehhh, I'll watch those videos. Crochet is also something that helps if my brain is just feeling overwhelmed. I can focus and I can see a physical representation of something coming together. Which definitely helps if I'm just feeling like I'm stuck in a rut. I've been making a lot of baby blankets this year so I've gotten to create a lot of makes that has helped me feel accomplished (felt a little...cramped since I had like 3 back-to-back-to-back over the summer. Now, I'm just kinda open. Working on something now and it helps. I don't know if any of these make my day great, but good is also good. With everything going on and trying not to stress out about things I don't have any control over or with work, again something I don't really have control over, it's nice to come home and just feel good after all of it. Hopefully getting better at reading again. I've hated that since Covid, the anxiety (and maybe...possibly definitely...some undiagnosed ADHD) has just been high or was, but it made focusing really hard. I hate it. I've been able to read when the book hits just right and I just get into it. I got 2 new books, sequels to books I've read already (so I'm looking forward to them!), so I'm hoping that those will bring me happiness too. |
Prompt: originality and imitation "It’s better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation." Herman Melville Is imitation so bad? After all. Doesn't some very successful writing imitate the stories and ideas in scriptures, let alone other works? I don't think imitation in and of itself is bad. I think where the "succeed in imitation" comes from is kind of what it can lead to. For example, look at movies and in some cases, video games. A thing becomes successful and therefore here comes a trove of copy-cats and look-alikes, because they want to reap the rewards that the successful original thing created. In the beginning, it is what it is, but eventually it becomes boring. It's why I never got into Marvel stuff, because it stopped being fun and more just copy/paste but with different characters. I think that imitation can lead to very successful things, even if it's just a foot in the door. A couple of examples: The Beatles. Goodness knows how many bands jumped in wanted to mimic them and be just half as successful as the Beatles were. Would you be surprised if you knew that Pink Floyd and Black Sabbath started out as some Beatles mimics? When it came to Pink Floyd, yes. Black Sabbath too, but mostly because of who Ozzy was, but you can see the path. Pink Floyd I assumed they just started with Dark Side of the Moon. If you ever want to just listen to something come together, I highly recommend listening to all of their pre-Dark Side of the Moon albums in order. I'm not going to lie, those albums can be straight ass, but when you put it in context with what they become, it's incredibly fascinating to listen to their journey. You hear the pieces of who they become before they really realize it. But I can understand the either/or of the quote, where I'd rather just not be good at creating something original than succeeding in riding the coattails of someone else's success, because are you successful because it's what you did or the idea you ran with? Did you do the thing because you knew the idea was successful and could be free money if you could pull it off? I think if people can take an idea and put a twist on it and essentially make it your own thing, I think that's different and I think could and should be celebrated. It's definitely a nuanced subject, as are most things I think. Something I could probably write a six paged paper on if I wanted to get into the nitty gritty, but I think imitation can be good, it just depends on what and how. I think the intent is also important and the context behind the quote. Before I read the full prompt, I almost thought this was going to be on generative AI. And I think the bad side of imitation and AI would go hand in hand (for the record I am aggressively anti-generative AI for any and all purposes.). |
Prompt: Courage "Courage doesn't always roar. Sometimes courage is a quiet voice at the end of the day saying, 'I will try again tomorrow.'" Mary Anne Radmacher What do you think courage is? Is courage an innate quality, or can it be learned and developed? When I think of courage, I think of my mom. My parents went through a lot of shit when they went through their bankruptcy. My dad was older (he was 52 when I was born, about 60 when they went through their bankruptcy and we lost everything) so he struggled after awhile to get a job. My mom had been a stay-at-home mom and she had to go get a job. In 2001, my dad got into a car accident and we ended up finding out afterward that my dad had macular degeneration. He had the "wet" version and lost all direct version and could only see out of his peripherals. Because of my dad essentially becoming disabled, it put a lot more onto my mom. We also didn't have a lot of money for things, but she always managed to make sure Christmas happened, our birthdays, that the bills were always paid, that my dad made it to every single appointment. She never complained, never got mad (she didn't even swear)(though she did get disappointed and I'd rather yeet myself from the top of a building than disappoint my mom), she just did whatever she had to do. She sacrificed a lot of herself for us, for my dad. I think courage just is. Every day you get up and deal with your life, that's courage. Every day is courage. It might make it seem like courage is cheap, but life can be hard. Mental health can be really tough. Brushing your teeth could be courage. Making your bed. To others that's just something that can be done, but to someone who's fighting depression or anxiety (or both), it can be an accomplishment. Sometimes it's doing something you're scared of, but you're tired of being scared of it. It can be something like scared of the dark or maybe it's heights or spiders. Courage can be loud, but yes, sometimes courage is quiet like a whisper. Courage is doing the things that make sure life keeps going and that your kids don't realize how tough it is. |
Prompt: Change of Seasons "To be interested in the changing seasons is a happier state of mind than to be hopelessly in love with spring." George Santayana When seasons change, say from summer to fall or fall to winter, what becomes challenging for you during these changes? And how do you think you react when life changes its seasons for you? I'm always sad when Spring leaves or Autumn changes into Winter, but as Francis Bacon said: "In order for the light to shine so brightly, the darkness must be present." The stuff you hate has to exist in order for you to appreciate the things you like. I love Spring mostly because Winter sucks so much (especially when I lived in NY which is where majority of my hatred of Winter comes from). When I lived in NY, winter felt like it lasted 6 months. When Spring came, watching color come back to the land was amazing. Everything is white, gray, brown in Winter and watching green come back always just made me happy. I love Autumn for the same reason as Spring, just opposite. Watching color leave, you'd think would be depressing, but watching the green explode in other colors is amazing. The mood of the season is amazing too. It brings a comfort that maybe only introverts can enjoy. |
Prompt: "On September 13, 1990, the drama series "Law & Order" premieres on NBC; it will go on to become one of the longest-running primetime dramas in TV history .According to the now-famous "Law & Order" formula, the first half of the hour-long program, which is set in New York City, focuses on the police as they investigate a crime—often inspired by real-life news stories—while the second part of the show centers on the prosecution of those accused of that crime." Have you seen Law & Order? Is this show part of your weekly viewing? How do you feel about the format always being the same? Do you find it tedious or satisfying that you know what's coming next? If you're not a fan what prime-time dramas do you enjoy if any? I've watched OG Law and Order quite a few times. Mostly when I still lived back home and we had DirecTV, so I think it was on USA or TNT? I can't remember. Watched a few of the older episodes. I really liked (still do but haven't watched the show in forever) Law and Order: SVU. I just really loved the characters and how they had really good chemistry with each other. I didn't mind the formulaic format. I always kinda enjoyed the "twist" and how the episode would always feel like a different episode by the end. It felt weirdly...comforting (that feels like such a weird word to use) to know the show is going to be one way and then as the third act starts, it's going to feel so different from how it started. I don't watch a whole lot of TV anymore, though I saw that the Law & Orders are on Hulu, so I've favorited SVU and the OG. At some point, I'll probably just start watching some OG episodes. Be interesting to see how they've aged and if they've aged well. |
Prompt: Adventure vs. Routine "If you think adventure is dangerous, try routine; it is lethal." Paulo Coelho What do you think adventure is? And is routine all that bad? Oh boy. Routine isn't bad, though I can understand someone who lives a more chaotic life would love living spontaneously, but I love routine and planning (I'm okay with on the fly sometimes, but it really depends on how "peopley" I feel). I really need to be tested, but I feel like I have ADD and routine gets me through things and if I'm not in routine, it can be easy for me to just forget it's something I wanted to do/say/buy/etc. Adventure, in this context, is "freedom". Doing things when you feel like it, instead of scheduling or planning, or having a routine. I love people who just...wing it, wing life. I wish I could be like that. Instead, I feel like my life falls apart if any of my routines get messed with.  A lot of it, I feel has come "post-Covid" (2020-2024), which also had the extreme short-handedness at work during this time also. It was a time, for sure. The mixture of heightened anxiety and realizing I might possibly have ADD, was/is fantastic. But, while I more or less "need" routine, I also enjoy routine. It just helps make things run smoothly and helps me feel accomplish, which sometimes makes me feel like I'm a whole adult. Which, considering how I feel other times, is a wonderful feeling.  |
Prompt: “Earth and sky, woods and fields, lakes and rivers, the mountain and the sea, are excellent schoolmasters, and teach some of us more that what we could learn from books.” John Lubbock Of the natural features, what is your favorite type? Oceans, mountains, etc. I love the outdoors. I love trees, so the woods are my favorite. I also love lakes. Lake Ontario, Onondaga Lake, the Finger Lakes, Lake Neatahwanta, Oneida Lake are all lakes that are close to where I used to live in New York. All within an hour of where I used to live. There is something immensely peaceful about both of those things. Unfortunately, I don't have lakes here in Indiana (though if we lived on the very northwestern corner (nearly Chicago) of the state, there is Lake Michigan). Thankfully though, where we've moved to, there are a lot more trees, there's bugs, it feels like nature outside of my house. Even though I live in a neighborhood. But I love seeing butterflies, dragonflies, skimmers, bees, spiders, bugs. I see rabbits, raccoons, pigeons, hawks, ducks, squirrels, chipmunks, and an array of birds. For living in a suburb outside of a major city (capital of the state even!), it brings happiness to my heart and soul. The southside of the city where we've lived since I moved here, is mostly a concrete jungle. One that formed in the 80s and 90s and feels it. So where we are now, just having the trees gives me a peace I haven't felt in a very long time. |
Prompt: Autumn Impressions "Autumn is the hardest season. The leaves are all falling, and they’re falling like they’re falling in love with the ground." Andrea Gibson Write about what this quote brings to your mind? Autumn is one of my favorite seasons. I think as a kid, this poem would hit square on, because it was going back to school and missing all the fun you had during the summer. Whether it was the staying up later than I could otherwise or having fun at a friend's house or whatever, it was done and now it was school that was ahead of me. Now...I work all of the time. I don't have specific time off. I do hate looking forward to winter, but I love the holidays. Then there's spring, which is my other favorite season. There are times where I kind of wish I still had that sadness of summer leaving, with the exception of this year, most of the time I'm excited for the ungodly hot to just go away. That I can be happy to leave my house without just constantly feeling uncomfortable. I'm currently enjoying the cool down. My two cats are enjoying the windows being open and Mathew and I are enjoying it too. |
Prompt: “Bring down the curtain—the farce is over.” The last words of French philosopher and comic, Francois Rabelais What do you think of life? Is it really a farce? My official answer, no. But how life feels currently? Yes. It sometimes feels that way. Politicians breaking laws, Supreme Court allowing laws and protections to be overruled. Nothing seems to happen. How ugly people are to other people. How it almost feels like people love to be lied to, because it just fits in with what they already believe, so why have any critical thoughts? The fact that the cost of everything is obnoxious and for what? It just feels like nothing makes sense. Feels like regular people don't matter. Like constantly being gaslit and companies, corporations stopped trying to prove their worth to you. And they've taken over so much that most people don't even have options. Can't go to a different grocery store or use a different Internet, have to use Amazon because there aren't many local options for things, especially the weirdly specific stuff you'd love to find locally but it's all corporate places that carry things people want all the time, not some-of-the-time. So while I don't feel like life is a farce. I think life is wonderful and beautiful. Current society as made it feel like one. |
Prompt: Cousins “A cousin is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.” Marion C. Garretty Do you have cousins and how much do you like them? I do have cousins, a lot actually. I'm not familiar with my cousins from my dad's side of the family, but I am with my mom's side. I went and saw a few of them (and their families) when I went back home last week. I'm not as close as my older sister is with my older cousins. That's mostly because our families got together a lot more when they were kids than when I was a kid. Even with me living in Indiana rather than NY, also with thanks to Facebook (the only reason I still have it at this point), I'm able to stay in contact with them and see their kids grow up and what they're doing with their homes, their vacations, parties, etc. I'm pretty close with my mom's side of the family, so I always love getting together with them whether it's me going back home (like last week), or a couple of my cousins have driven through Indiana (having gone somewhere else) on their way back home and we'll get together and have breakfast or whatever. They have a friend who lives somewhat close by to me, so they will stay there for the night on their way back to NY.  |
Prompt: What is your idea of a cozy home? Write about this in your Blog entry today. I think it's hard to describe it. First, I think it's different for different people, but also because...a cozy home is a feeling. I felt it about our house when we walked through it. It was a multitude of factors for us. The windows along the back of the house (kitchen and living room) brought in a ton of light from the backyard. The house has an open layout, but enough walls that each of the rooms feel enclosed and separate. It feels warm, the house has been taken care of for its nearly 30 year existence. The rooms are all decent sized rooms. They aren't too small where it could feel almost claustrophobic or too large where it feels almost disproportionate. The color of the walls can make rooms (or a place) feel cozy and I feel like we helped do that with our house. Most of the walls were white (the bathrooms all had been redone and had been painted and our kitchen had a very light pale silver gray paint given to it), we painted the office, all three bedrooms, the dining room (which is now our library), and the bonus room (the middle bedroom and bonus room were painted in some very bright/neon colors, so the colors we chose were more "normal" and calming). They feel more lived in, brighter, and in some cases more calm and relaxing. Something else we will be doing is putting art and things on the wall to give them a more "lived in" and cozy feel too. Not a lot of stuff, but enough to make the walls feel less barren. It's always interesting see people's styles and even those who like to collect things, when they're stored in an organized way, it feels cozy versus feeling cluttered. Almost like walking into an antique shop. |
Prompt: "I haven't lived a perfect life. I have regrets. But that's from a lifetime of taking chances, making decisions, and trying not to be frozen. The only thing that I can do with my regrets is understand them." Kevin Costner Do you often regret things and what do you do about your feelings of regret, if you have any? There are a few things I regret, but one is more of an emotional response and the other is having 20/20 in hindsight. A lot of stuff of my life that I wish were better, whether it's having a different/better job, it's more just being unlucky in time. Like when I graduated in 2007 and the economy tanked. Or how for a long time, we were always like year behind the cost of living. We thought we might never buy a house because we always just seemed to be behind the price hikes and the interest rate increases. One of my regrets is just wishing I'd been a better daughter to my parents, helped them better financially. It's an emotional response since their deaths. Sometimes I get in a dark mental spiral about it, but then I just tell myself that it's a common emotional response and I just force myself to think of other things. The other was when I was in college and I'd graduated with a BFA in graphic design (focus in web design). I could've gone on to get my Masters, but I was so mentally tired from college that I decided against it. But then I began to realize that the economy was tanking and finding a job, at least where I lived in New York, was almost impossible for me for two reasons. One, I learned design (of web design). Prior to the economy tanking, you had someone who did the designing and someone who did the coding. I knew some light coding. After the economy tanking, they combined the positions and then made it so you needed +years of experience. I did get some interviews, but nothing after. I did got a provisional job, working for a company that put wifi's in Denny's. They wanted to dip their toe into web design. I explained I didn't know any deep coding, the owner (this was a small local company) said this was fine as that's all they needed. Turned out that wasn't at all what they needed. They told a lady who ran a vacation/tourist website for a city in Florida that they could move the website to their servers and maintain it for her. They ripped the website to their computer and fucked up all the code. It was my job to fix it. I tried to explain that I couldn't, but that I should try. The website was a lot more complex and tilted into more advanced coding than I knew. If I really cared I would've at least tried to tell them that there's an ability through hosting to transfer websites, but I had already decided that just before the holiday when they took a break I wasn't coming back. It was supposed to be like 30 days and ended up going to nearly 4 months. I'd call and let them know what my days off were and would work there on my days off. So, after the holidays, I just never called back. They never called me. I never felt guilty about it. I never felt true regret until I had gotten a job working with a friend I'd gone to college with, who had gone to get his Master's degree. I was excited because it was a guy who was a lawyer who decided to create websites for law firms. It wasn't that complicated of a job, I did well until the owner decided that one of the jobs he wanted to give the client what he thought she needed instead of what she actually wanted. Then she was upset with him. Then he wanted to make more complex websites than what they had designed for (all websites had a basic layout and I'd customize it slightly to whatever the client had in mind. So on top of that, I was also getting clients that wouldn't call me back and that became my fault. So I was fired. I felt like I failed. It then got to the point where I couldn't even get my Masters, Internet 2.0 had hit and things were just getting a lot more complex. I'd basically have to start over and that just felt so overwhelming and depressing. |
Prompt: "To be really great in little things, to be truly noble and heroic in the insipid details of everyday life, is a virtue so rare as to be worthy of canonization." Harriet Beecher Stowe One of the things I love about my mom. She was the Queen of celebrating the small things. I know when I was born, because my mom would always sing happy birthday to me at that time. She'd ask us what we'd want for dinner for our birthday and I always looked forward to it. My mom had the amazing ability to enjoy and celebrate the small things in life and it makes me appreciate those things. I strive to live that way too. Especially with Mathew whose mother didn't really celebrate much at all. I think when you're able to enjoy the small things in life, life seems a little brighter. |
Prompt: "Every moment in your life tells a story." Write about this in your Blog entry today. Oh boy. You aren't kidding. I'm going to make this an easy one (for me) and probably an emotional one (for everyone else). I'm missing my mom a lot lately (always) and it's a story I like to tell because...well, I'll get to it and maybe you'll realize it before I get there. So, when I was 8 years old, my life kinda changed a lot. My dad had to file bankruptcy. We had quite a bit of money before I was born and when I was little. Through some inheritance yes, but my dad was a good business man. He ran some game rooms (remember those! I don't really, too little, but I vaguely remember my dad's) and was good at it. Unfortunately, my dad ended up running into a man who took advantage of him and his money and welp, by like 1993/94 my dad just kinda ran out of money. We lost our house and had to sell a lot of stuff to kinda get some money to find a place and a vehicle. Unfortunately, what my parents sold didn't do really either of those things. We ended up staying with a family friend and his wife that my dad had worked closely with before he'd come into his inheritance do being in the same plumbers and pipefitters union. Anyway, during the 3 months we stayed there, I celebrated my 9th birthday. I know I didn't get a lot of gifts, but I don't remember being saddened by it. To be fair, even though my parents had a lot of money, they never acted like they had a lot of money. My mom always felt like the most down to earth person. Sure, did she get her hair done and wear some nice clothes? Yes, but her clothes never felt outrageous or looked super expensive (even to me now when I look at old pictures, they look like she went to Macy's or JCPenny or something honestly). I know they did have some nice clothes and stuff. Like they got some really nice leather jackets and really nice cowboy boots, but that's really all that stands out to me (my dad could've had some really nice expensive suits, since I know he wore them a lot back then, but they just looked nice to me, I don't remember any brands). Anyway, not to say I didn't get a lot of gifts before then, but well, I don't know how to explain it. I never had the expectation of receiving a lot of gifts. They were never flamboyant with their money and so I don't think I understood what we lost, other than our house and that my mom had to get a job (she was a stay-at-home mom until then) and my dad had to get something else. To also put into reference, my dad had "retired" by this time. In 1985 when I was born, he was 52 (my mom was 34. She liked older men, lol) He had been able to get into doing whatever his friend was doing at the time, which might've been working at the old Birds Eye factory (which has sense closed). I just remember that they used to go to work together and come home together. My mom hadn't found a job yet (sometime after my birthday she would end up getting a job doing food prep for the Golden Corral). My mom told me much much later (after I graduated high school), how she was able to pull off that birthday. Because they didn't have much of anything then. She had taken a dollar (or two) and had played the lotto. She won $68 dollars. She used that money to give me a birthday. To buy me some gifts and a cake. I remember how hard that hit me when she told me, because she could have, should have, used it for whatever they needed to use it for at the time, even if it meant it went into savings. Instead, she used it on me. Now I want to say that I never ever doubted my mom's love for me or her devotion, but it really made me realize how lucky I was to have her as a mom. It's a story I like to tell when I want to describe the type of mom she was in the easiest way. I guess because my mom doubted herself a lot, because after that time, we never really had a lot of money. Did we ever end up destitute or have anything shut off? No, but there wasn't really time for extras or vacations. I think she always felt so bad for that. Or that she couldn't buy us more things for Christmas or our birthdays. I think those things hung on her a lot. She worked very hard, sometimes extra to get extra money. Especially during the fall and into winter time. My birthday was in September, hers was October, my sister's was at the very end of November, then there was Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas thrown in there too. It's one of the things I hate that I can't tell her now. That I don't think of those things. All of the small things she did are what I remember. Okay so maybe I got emotional too. Anyway, a moment in my life that tells a story. |
Prompt: "Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper." Robert Frost Is what Robert Frost says true for you? What makes you lose your temper? Yes, I think it is true. Education doesn't necessarily mean formal, but learning about things in general. I think you could make an argument that losing your temper can be often related to not fully understanding your opponent. For example for me, I used to try and talk to MAGA commenters/friends and I used to get irritated (mind you this was the first time around, so 2016) because they couldn't see why what they were saying made no sense. It didn't take me very long before I realized that they just wanted to think that way. So I stopped. Mind you I never lost my tempter. It takes a lot for me to lose my temper. But I've learned to save my sanity when it comes to being irritated or annoyed. Work is another one. I learned I was caring more than those above me, so I started taking the correct cues to lower my own standards. It has saved me a lot of frustration. |
Prompt: "Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them." James A. Baldwin What do you think about this quote? Do our children really imitate us? Oh definitely! I'm not a parent, but I've been around my friends who do enough to know that they know exactly what to imitate. They might not listen to when you tell them to pick up their toys or eat their broccoli, but you accidentally say "shit" or "fuck" and by the goodness, will they suddenly be saying those words. They even want to imitate in good ways too like wanting to vacuum or sweep or mow the yard. Sometimes even older kids will want to wear similar things they see their older sibling wear or even what their mom or dad wears. We all know they often imitate behaviors or reactions to certain things. I've seen a video of this little girl, probably would be starting school the next year or so. Shows her walking with her arms behind her back and some words on the screen roughly saying: "We wondered where she got this from until" And then it shows a grandpa who walks with his arms behind his back. It's really cute! |
On this day in 1969, American actress Sharon Tate and four others were murdered by followers of Charles Manson, leader of a communal religious cult known as the “Family.” What do you recall about this heinous crime ? Thinking about the media coverage of that time compared to today's media coverage of violent crimes, which do you prefer? The crime itself was well before my time, but I've watched quite a few videos that have gone over it, whether it be just the murder or a documentary that talked about Charles Manson and included his time with the Family and the murder. Hearing a lot about what allegedly went on during his childhood, I feel bad for the boy and not all surprised by who he would become. I had always heard of the murders through a conversational type of way. Through shows or people talking about it. Knew of Helter Skelter both because of the murders and because of the Beatles, but I didn't know the importance until much later. It's the first thing I think of when "it was a different time" is ever said. Roman Polanski was someone very well known in Hollywood, as well as his wife Sharon Tate, and anyone could just walk up to their door (so much different than today it feels like). One of those weird things that sticks. The crime itself was horrible, especially since it was all just a set up. They were killed just to get white people angry at black people by making it seem as though black people committed the murders. It felt so...soulless. Ended up being done for absolutely no reason because no "race war" ever happened because of the murders. The media coverage, I'd prefer the media coverage of that time, I think. Even though it was sensationalized because of Sharon Tate and the Hollywood connection (and unfortunately, lesser coverage of the murders that happened the following night), a lot of the information was very open and laid out which is refreshing? Everything feels so neutered now with the media. I don't necessarily need to know intimate details, but they just tell you what happened. There's not a sob story, you don't have a documentary on the murderer by the evening news, there's not the 24/7 nonsense either. Which is probably the worst part of current news coverage. There also isn't "everyone's opinion" being used as news in news articles either. As much as I'm glad that it didn't become a "race war", there was questions of "weird religious rites", aka Satanic Panic, so I can imagine there was probably some of that, especially once Charles Manson was mentioned and his Family cult was brought to light. I could see something similar happening today, maybe not so much directly on the news (maybe some stations), but I could see it running through social media (been seeing some Satanic Panic type stuff off and on with certain things and I don't know how that cyclical nonsense keeps happening). Granted, I was born 16 years after the murders, so a lot of what I've seen is really just snippets. I didn't experience it nor have the real understanding of the time. If I'd learned about it before my parents had passed, it would've been an interesting question to ask my mom. She was 18 (would turn 19 that October), freshly graduated from high school. It would've been interesting to hear her thoughts and what people said, what they thought. What she thought. It will be interesting to see the opinions of those who lived through it, to hear what their opinions are. Especially at least with the news portion. Today's news coverage is so exhausting. They will scrape the bottom of the barrel, talking about things maybe only tangibly connected to the story because well, everything is 24/7 now. We have to hear opinions by 647 different people, find some random schmuck who knew the killer(s) or one of the victims and barrage them with questions for an hour. I just want to know what happened, told to me by journalists, not personalities. |
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