Me again. First of the week and I'm confused.
If in heaven, Holy Cows can be found in the barn, and Holy Mackeral's in the lake, what d'ya 'spose the outhouse is for?
Hmm, Holy Smokes, ya think? I'm confused.
True story for a whopper of a WOW Wednesday in honor of WDC’s 18th Birthday?
Logic tells us that it’s impossible to be in two places at one time, right? Well, NOT sessanarily so! as this freaky true story will prove otherwise.
On December 31st, 1899, the passenger steamer SS Warrimoo was sailing smoothly through the mid-Pacific on its way to Australia from Vancouver, BC. Late evening, the navigator reported the ship’s latitude and longitude to the Captain who immediately recognized their significance as a phenomenal chance of a lifetime.
The Captain ordered his navigators to double check their position, thence calculated speed while slightly altering course on a bearing toward exact coordinates. By straight-up midnight, the Warrimoo lay on the Equator at precisely the point where it intersects the International Date Line.
The ship’s bow was in the Southern Hemisphere in the middle of summer; its stern lay in the Northern Hemisphere in the middle of winter. The date aft was December 31, 1899 while in the bow it was January 1, 1900. Captain Phillips beamed; the bizarre consequences of his perfect positioning was astounding.
The SS Warrimoo and passengers were in... two different days; two different months; two different years; two different seasons; and… in two different Centuries─ all at the SAME TIME.
Here's a Fun Friday tidbit in honor of WDC's 18th.
People are Strange? I believe was the topic of a current Newsie. Well, here’s a sampling....
A woman had unearthed a “dinosaur tooth” when tilling her garden. She was so dumbfounded that she proudly mounted it in a large glass dome display case, where for weeks, she boasted of her unique find to family, friends, and neighbors with pompous flair and elation… that is until someone, looking closer, pointed out that her rare and valued fossil was only a dirt-encrusted Brazil nut.
What are millennials learning these days?
Went to the local hardware mart last weekend to buy nails for a project. While looking over various types, an upbeat Univ. of Ky student working as a clerk on weekends came up to me. “Can I help you, sir?”
“Well, I want to build fencing for a horse paddock and need lots of big nails for planking, but all I see are these small packets.”
“No problem; I’ll check the storeroom.” He returned about five minutes later with a five-pound box.”
Feeling a tad impish, I smiled thinking I'd share a little tarrydiddle. “No no,” I said, “these won’t work. I need the type with the heads on the other end.”
“Oh, sorry,” he said, “let me go see what else we got. I’ll be right back.”
I didn’t have the heart, so before he disappeared through the swinging doors, I hailed him back.
“Ah, hold on son. I’ve changed my mind. I think I’ll use glue instead,” (on plank fencing?)
“Oh, OK. No problem, sir. I believe you’ll find it in Aisle 16,” and moved on to help another customer.
Reminds me. About a week ago, the wife said she was gonna try being a Vegan. Poor girl had been struggling with it so I took her to Harry's Chop House last night. Just as I predicted, her plans turned out to be a big missed steak!
I've always wondered how some people manage to get through a normal day without a map and flashlight.... like the dude who sent an envelope to the President containing poisonous Ricin, and...... put his return address on it.
I contend that rather than storm his home, the Secret Service ought to just mail it back in a government envelope displaying what appears to be a check in its window. POOOOF! Scratch one wannabe assassin.
Now for the real wacky question since I presume all WDC'ers are aspirants of the literary craft, right? So allow me to test your perception.
Does anyone know what the difference is between a comma and a cat?
Give up? Stay tuned for the answer after the commercial from our Wheel of Fortune sponsor. (who ought to know since I believe she's the Komma King of this outfit)
Thirsty Thursday trick 'er tweeter reporting in...
While sipping a fine bourbon during karaoke at the VFW last night, one particularly exuberant gal suddenly climbed atop a table next to mine and sang a rather animated version of "Tip Toe Through the Tulips."
Let's just say she was built more like Mama Cass than Tiny Tim when after finishing I said: "Wow! Great legs!"
"Do you really think so?" she cooed.
"Definitely," I said. "Most tables would have collapsed by now."
That's when the fight started.
A hello, ween scene?
Last night at the VFW was a good time Charlie while it lasted. I won a drawing for 3 free drinks during Karaoke and partying until "last call" when this dingy Kintucky heifer sidled next to me and grabbed my buns.
"Hi there, handsome. Howz about I give you my phone number for a date?" she said, copping a suggestive squeeze.
I turned to face her and asked: "you gotta pen?"
But before she could open her purse,I suggested: "Then you had better get back to it 'fore the farmer finds you missing."
That's when the fight started.
Though far from the size and scope of the majestic Sierra's or Rockies, I took the wife for a little hiking along the Appalachian Trail last weekend. "Look out there," she said at an overlook. "Aren't these mountains oh so beautiful?"
"If you're asking me," I responded. "I think they're funny."
"Funny? What do you mean by that?"
"Just look at 'em... they're hill areas!"