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Edited
I'm feeling stuck again. Settling down is something I wish was for me.
People envy my happiness like I don't deserve the little scraps this indifferent and cruel Universe allows me.

I feel like a slave that's too good looking. So the other slaves hate you. And most of the people that own you hate you because some people really like you.
Does that make sense?

Honestly, my biggest thing in life is putting everything in it's place (and trying not to do that to everyone).

So it damn near kills me (and definitely makes me wanna off myself) that I can't find the place where I belong.

How do you win a game that's rigged against everyone who plays?

Better luck next time eh?

I wish they had a beauty pageant for people who are dead inside and also past their expiration date and totally fine with life being meaningless and dying by their own hand.
I would win that sh*t. Or at least be a decent contender.

I've got to be one of the happiest dead people I know. People even remark on how I'm always smiling.
Because I'm the only living member of my family, I have no kids ageing me horribly or husband cheating on me.

I guess it sounds like I'm complaining. I'm just musing.

They shot a lone wolf out here. His name was Takaya.
He survived on an island all alone for 6 years. Even dug himself little wells so he had fresh water in summer. He hunted and ate seals and was observed doing a lot of things that wolves normally wouldn't do.

He was special.

And his reward was being a trophy and killed.

I'm a little envious. I'm special, I've been a trophy and my reward is being left to die.

I hope all the people in my family that helped, ignored and knew about my kidnapping live long enough to watch the people they love die slowly and painfully. And then live longer.

Quotes about hate and forgiveness are great if you literally don't have to claw your way through life, fight to survive and play every role in your life to survive and thrive.

This sh*t is exhausting and ultimately, I'm just going from one person using me to another.

Thanks for listening. I'm fortunate, but not lucky.
Edited
Wow. I'm not surprised but a little disappointed all the 'writing class' resources on this site redirect to another site that charges a standard, pretty high, flat-rate fee *RollEyes*
Maybe just post that fact at the top of the page.
What resources are you looking at exactly? I know there should be a bunch of free ones in there.
Edited
I'm not a huge fan of the game "religion", but I like the people who play it because they have to be nice to me.
Even if they normally wouldn't want to.
This is also why I don't hate hippies.

Hippie-sters tho?
There's not enough sage in the world for that yet.

Hand to Gods. I would always rather be alone and happy (or sorta sad and in the sun) than with someone who isn't real with me.

After 42 years I seem to move toward what I need to. Like a salmon? Or a butterfly? Or a piece of houseplant outgrowing its pot?

It helps that I seem to have the timing of an atomic clock.


Good luck to the good!
Thanks for all the sashimi!
*GoLucky*
Just stopping by a new writer's notebook to say hello, and I hope you have been enjoying Writing.Com! It's nice to see your portfolio filling up with your work. If you ever need inspiration, consider checking out the prompts at the HUB, the main page of WdC. There's also activities to give you a jump start. One goal I have is to write more in 2020, and I found this item for the month of March to keep me busy *Pointright* "Wonderland. I've had a lot of fun there, and I'll leave you with a quote from Wonderland—“tarts given to you from the Knave of Hearts”—I wish you the best with your writing!
It's lonely in the land of the dead but it's honest work.
...what work does one do in the land of the dead
The same thing Robert Kraft does for work 😂
Let me clarify, the same thing Robert Kraft says he does for work UNDER OATH.
What's on my mind?
Several small galaxies, 2 grocery lists, the horror, cannabis-infused honey, jokes, wolves, smoke, dead people, the Zen dimension, magic, and a few small, insignificant parasites.
That's quite the variety you've got going on there. *Laugh*

Have I welcomed you yet? I can't recall. I know your not BRAND new, but WELCOME TO WdC!!! *Bigsmile*
Edited
Thank you to everyone who offered me feedback, tips, reviews and who contributes to this site. I'm enjoying it more and more every day and the best part is, it's not FB! Happy writing!
I've added a new item to my portfolio:
 
STATIC
Sleeping Beaten  (E)
A battered, beaten old truck is hard to resist on a moonlit night filled with memories.
Edited
I'm out of their leagues. Like 20,000 times I could say, "you're a submarine, I'm a spaceship".

(**Not as conceited as it sounds, most the dudes hitting on me are voluntary homeless**)
Yikes! Yeah, I get that as well. Do I look like I would go out with a homeless guy? Maybe I need to dress better. *Laugh*

Well, I'm glad you don't feel totally desperate. A friend's daughter started dating a homeless guy. Of course, she got knocked up. Weirdly, he never pays child support. Who would have guessed that? *Headbang*

Stick to your standards! Either you'll eventually find someone that's a good fit for you or you won't. But either way, you'll have dodged a LOT of bullets. *Wink*
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