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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/1grumpybear
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16 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Rated: E | (5.0)
For the point of view you were going for, it comes across excellently! I really like the irony of the whole thing, put in that particular perspective! Very punny, humourous...

There is nothing that I can suggest as far as improvement for this piece... Keep at it! I hope to see more of your work in the future!
2
2
Review of Hunger and Desire  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Overall, this is an excellent story. I like the chosen topic and the descriptive detail that you have used to portray the situation.

There are only a couple of things I think could help you to improve it a bit. In the 5th paragraph from the bottom, it would flow better if you removed the word and between breasts and savoring. Also, I noticed the excessive use of commas throughout the piece. The typical rule would be if there are three objects the commas would be used - ex. Jane, Bob, and I went - but if there are only two objects, the comma would not be used - ex. - Jane and Bob went.

Hope this helps and keep writing! As I mentioned before, besides a few things on the editing, the story itself is wonderful!
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