For the point of view you were going for, it comes across excellently! I really like the irony of the whole thing, put in that particular perspective! Very punny, humourous...
There is nothing that I can suggest as far as improvement for this piece... Keep at it! I hope to see more of your work in the future!
Overall, this is an excellent story. I like the chosen topic and the descriptive detail that you have used to portray the situation.
There are only a couple of things I think could help you to improve it a bit. In the 5th paragraph from the bottom, it would flow better if you removed the word and between breasts and savoring. Also, I noticed the excessive use of commas throughout the piece. The typical rule would be if there are three objects the commas would be used - ex. Jane, Bob, and I went - but if there are only two objects, the comma would not be used - ex. - Jane and Bob went.
Hope this helps and keep writing! As I mentioned before, besides a few things on the editing, the story itself is wonderful!
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