|Hello! I was looking through the IM console to see if my friends were on and your name caught my eye. Tor is one of my favorite publishing houses. I checked out your port and find this delightful story.
What I liked:
I felt like I was reading a new fairy tale. The Keeper of the Word is a new and interesting concept for a jaded reader like myself. And you have some beautiful descriptive paragraphs, particularly about Tessa.
What did not work for me:
My attention tends to drift when the main character is not introduced in the first paragraph, and I have noticed others feel the same. While the descriptiveness of the first two paragraphs is well done, IMHO, it would be better to introduce your character first, then work in the details of his world as you tell the story, if, indeed, it is necessary to the story at all...
Grammar, Spelling, and the Odd Opinion or Two:
The sky was clear and offered it’s jewels,
"it's" should be "its". With the apostrophe, it means "it is" for possessive pronoun, you should use "its"
The Great Wilderness was home not only to beasts*,* but to elves, fairies and dwarfs who worked the ground beneath it’s surface searching for gems and ore with which to work their craft.
"it's" should be "its"
He was “Mind Casting” as his father had taught him so many winters ago when he was a boy.
I would lose the quotes here. Mind casting is a normal word to him and this world, so no quotes needed.
It was no use, no matter how hard he tried, nothing came to him. Bleveod’s head sank into his hands and he released a great sigh; It is true, he thought, I am empty of the word.
A bit of a run on sentence here, and some internal dialogue, which is always tricky to do.
Might I suggest:
It was no use; no matter how hard he tried, nothing came to him. Bleveod’s head sank into his hands and he released a great sigh. It is true. I am empty of the Word.
There had always been Keepers of the word in his clan
I'd capitalize "word" since it is part of his title.
Bleveod had taken the mantel of Keeper from his father
Mantel--this spelling of the word is a part of a fireplace. I think you meant "mantle" which is a loose sleeveless coat worn over outer garments; a cloak.
What good is a Keeper of the Word when he had no words to give his people.
End this one with a question mark, rather than a comma.
The powerful wind died as suddenly as it had begun*,* and Bleveod noticed at once, the deathly silence which followed.
His grandfather had told of them and had told stories his father had told him.
A bit confusing here... Might I suggest a slight tweaking of this sentence?
His grandfather had told of them and his father had passed those stories down to him.
In height she measured almost to his chin. Her hair, which cascaded down past her shoulders almost to her waist, was the color of honey with red flecked throughout.
A beautiful descriptive paragraph for Tessa, which I thought was very well done. But I found myself wishing for some way to know what Bleveod looked like as well, beyond the white hair and beard. Perhaps you would work more details of his appearance in, somehow?
“Keeper no longer*,* fair lady.”
“You are now and will always be: The Keeper of the Word”.
I'd lose the colon. It is not needed here.
Just before the sun arose, Tessa, who lay nestled at Bleveod’s side*,* leaned close to his ear and whispered softly and he dropped into a deep sleep.
This almost seemed to imply she whispered some spell in his ear that sent him into a deep sleep. I know from later in the story what she said, but still at this point you might want to clarify. Perhaps, "Comforted by her words, he dropped into a deep sleep."
He stared at the fire that by some magic, still burned as if to *insure* himself he had not dreamed the whole affair.
I think you meant "reassure" rather than "insure" in this context?
“Until then*,* my Tessa.”
A sweet story, with a fairy tale feel to it, and not much for me to quibble over, other than a few tiny grammar details. Keep in mind though, that this style is a bit stand-offish for a reader. While I enjoyed the story, I did not quite connect with your main character. I felt like I was having a tale told to me, rather than feeling like I was there with the character. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as I enjoy fairy tales, but may not work for all readers.
I hope my review was helpful, and if you truly would like more feedback, I urge you to consider joining Longswords, Lasers, and Literature"Longswords, Lasers, & Lit Application"