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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/allen-richard
Review Requests: ON
34 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Chapter 5  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
You have given us characters to care about, gave them emotions that they should care about each other. They are a military unit, there is a relationship that had broken down. One of the girls dislikes the man she is with.

She believes he has been using her as he had used the other girl. The result that one of them was dead and had to regain her life, by him using a spell that could have killed him in casting it.

She felt that he should not have dared to do this. He is just as important the woman he was healing, She woke with a new purpose, she dislikes the people she orignaly trusted. She likes the healer. He had told them she may cahnge into someone else.
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Review of Lost magic  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (3.0)
Great story. The description you have used to allow us to see what he or she encountered in the woods. The way that you have allowed us into the dream of what he is seeing. The visualization you have given is a mite of a change to see what he is truly seeing.
You are able to allow us to learn things that he has experienced on his journey. The way that he had seen and heard these beings sound as if he was on a trip of a hallogence. The details are confused, but if he was on one. The confusion would be as it should be.
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Review of The Marked  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This chapter is good, the way that you have given us a heads up in Tira to allow us to knwo ther thoughts, you haev brought ua in alllowed us to see, what she is feeling?
Dom wants to protect her to have her explain what she is feeling. She is hesitant. You are able to allow u s to understand her feelings and emotional well being. Your story demonstrates the reality that she must be feeling toward him. He understands what she maybe feeling.
Your development of these characters is good. Dom has ablities that he needs to have to stay alive in the wild. The way that you are writing about their lives here is definitely
well crafted.
I can see and understand what they are feeling there in the woods. Their caution is understandable. As they are doing this is able to allow us to understand their plight.
He is fearful of what they will find when they get there.He knows the danger of being seen. He wants to arrive there in silence, without their knowing we are there. You have done a remarkible job writing this piece.
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Review of The Marked  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (4.0)
hi,
The way that you have us understand the woman watching the community had me thinking the same thing at Dom was thinking when he saw her here. She was watching the community holding a weapon.
Wanting to allow her to see the community to the soldiers have come to get the people who are marked. She wants to find out what happens them to also wants to aid them. The people who are there do not have the ablity to attack the king's men.
They have been able to go after the marked. You have been able to entice the reader into wanting to read more of your work, The way that you have described the soldier's of the king and their action has made us want to see what these two people can do against them. It is an interesting opening to the story, You have designed a strong hook for the reader to fallow the story.
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Review of STORMBRINGER  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
great opening. You have brought to us an interesting opening. The figure is afraid that he will be taken by the foe. Having a pistol with only one bullet suggests that he is going to have to be careful. He cannot afford to allow that bullet to be spent,

He has to protect himself.But what can he do with one bullet? You have him wasting the bullet when he encounters one of them. I thought it had ended tehre. Being caught in a thunderstorm, a bolt of lightning striking him. He feels the electricity surging through him. The bolt of lightning has been held in his body. When he opened his hands lightning emerges from his hand.

The bolts hit the enemy. You end it there. Great work, I would be wiling to continue on in reading it. You have heightened the curiosity of this reader to want to read your work,
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
If I purchase the premier program on a quarterly system. What do I receive if I do this?
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for entry "Chapter Two
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
hi,
The chapter is able to allow to us realize who she is. What has happened there, she tried to communicate with her people on the shore to have them help her save the boat she is on. Her father did not realize the danger they were in. She tried to have him realize what they doing, And the danger that they are facing.

She has gone into a small boat to try and find someone who could help. When she finally saw a being that could help her and her father. When she had found them there. They had told her that they were able to help, However it was to late.

She realized this, she told them, it was to late. She watched the ship sink. She has returned to her home, she had found her friend. She had been able to find the faith to desire to find someone or thing. That may help her being able to find other people of her own people.
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is very good. The description of the dragon's appearance is good. The way that you described the girl's reaction to seeing the dragon as it appeared. Your description of her fear is very good. I could imagine her reaction, seeing the dragon is frightening.
You have been able to allow us to know what had happened there. The reason she has been able to bring the information from the dragon. She has been able to speak to the dragon. They have been able to communicate with the each other.
the dragon and her have become friends, I found it to be an interesting tale to read. You have done a remarkable job to create the way that they have been able to allow themselves to be friends, the dragon even allowed her to fly on its head. The story is able to draw us further into the minds of the character who saw the dragon. The emotions that they have is sound. Your work here is remarkible.
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi,
The story has some merit. The description of the crash in the space craft was good. The way that you detailed the crash had me right there with the aleins, Her survival could have been better. She had to find clothing and food.
How was she able to speak the alien tongue, she had been in various communities learning what she could about the races that are there. She found herself some clothing to wear. Maybe have us worry about how she is doing this. Would she be seen? What would the consequences be if she was caught, She would be in trouble,
Have us feel her concern and fears. How does she get a job, There had to be a reason she got the job. You should try and allow us to know how she got there. She does not have forger to create her documents or know what she has to do.



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Review of Darkness  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi,
You have brought to us, what an AI would feel like when it has been shut off. Its realization that it is in predatory or hell. What he is experiencing is troubling? What he's feeling. The confusion that it does not realize that he is an AI. He is not aware of this statement.
The computer that is trying to reestablish his existence. It has his program drawn up and exposed so he himself can see it. The reaction as he realizes he is an AI. He feels that he should have known this himself. Reading over the readout of his existence he has been made aware of what they have been doing.
I found that this story is good. Only if I had been able to know or realize that it was an AI instead of a living being. Your preface is very well done. The story is interesting.
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
hi,

It was a good dexcription of the sex. Their watching porn on tv when their wives return to see them making out. The way that you introduced us to the characters was good. The confusion of what the medalion had done to them is good. I have found that story to be very well done. Your story is definitely very interesting, I enjoyed the effect that one of the men is pregnant, so he was unable to change back. His complaint about the weight of his breasts is good. It does play quite a bit with the back keeping the back straight from the strain of weight, good work.
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for entry "Chapter One
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
hi,
The next chapter was good. You have allowed us to remember who she was. The way that they were describing the situation that you have been writing about. She is not sure as to why they have reacted to these facts.
She feels that her parents have not been heard by these people. They have accepted her but not them. The way that you have resonated these facts is good. She has been able to speak to them to have them hear her.
They appear troubled by what they have to say to her. Her friend is able to hear her and understand what she is saying. You have given her a voice. Your story is able to carry us forward into the story, It is a good story. Keep at it. Never give up on yourself.
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for entry "Review Box
Review by Albert Richard
In affiliation with Fantasy and Science Fiction So...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
hi,
The story seems to be about a child. When she escapes from her home to go there to see the pixie which she believes to be a squirrel. She has been caught by a human who is pursuing the wolf, the wolf is his friend.
The man returned the girl to her home. Her parents look at her and try to explain that they are in danger from other forces that preside there. She does not believe that there is no threat until she is caught by the enemy who attack her home. She has been practicing to fight with swords, but are using fake ones for the purpose of training.
Her house is over run by the enemy. She can not protect her home.The house is lost. Her fears are realized, she must do something, but what?
You have brought to us a character to care for. You have given us curiosity that is the child. She wants to destroy the enemy, but she hasn't the heart to do this. You have given us quite the tale to read. Thank you for writing this.

Your character is engaging, imaginative. Your description is very well designed, I could imagine what she is imagining with your choice of words well done. YOu have a distinct voice. YOur story carries us to your realm. Good work, there.
Never give up on yourself.
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi,
The story has a lot of things going for it. Yourimagination is very good. The way that you have brought us into the story is very well done, The description is able to allow us to know these details. The way that you have brought us to know these things.
The way that he is transported into the realm, which happens when he had fallen a sleep. The facts that he has woken from his dream to find himself here. The way that he is able to decide to sail across the sea, when he encounters the sirens and what they have done to him. They are trying to harm him.
Finds that the water has sharks in it, They attack his ship, tearing through the boats bottom and sides. He has been able to get to shore.
You have a quite a few things going for you. The murder of the witch, his finding the antidote for the poison, which he takes and is pursued by the with until she dies. He is unable to return to his home. He is trapped there.e
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Review of Blank Slate  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (3.5)
you have a great deal of information in this piece. The man with no memory has been accepted by the people who are here. They are in the custom of providing them with clothing. Try to establish with them a sense of pride. They are trying to give them a feeling that they are accepted being here.

The way that you have allowed us to know about how his experiencing life. Not realizing who he is and where he had come from. He is aware that they should be willing to go there to the fishing community. He feels that he should be «ccepted by being there,

He is aware of what they are offering to him. He tries to explain that he is unable to pay. They accept this, the way that you have brought tp us the characters are was well dome. Thank you for presenting the story
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Review of The Hub  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (1.0)
have would like to get back into it? Mind you that was a while ago. Why od you ask? It is in the genre of Fanatasy, Isn't it?
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Review of The watcher  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (2.5)
hi,
You had me enchanted to your story. The way that you described the woman as she was seated in the restaurant was good. The way that he and the bartender are discussing her sounds about right.

The way that he decides to introduce himself to her. Is usually done this way. The way that she was willing to listen to his tale and her reaction was also good. When she invited him to her room, he did not know what to expect, but he was intrigued by her words.

You have been able to allow us to experience what he is going through, The story is very good, It held my interest. Good work.
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Review of Black Bag Mystery  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,
the opening was good. The son wants to bring something inside the house that his parents object to, They tell him to destroy it. By bringing it out to the garbage, which is what he tries to do.But finds it won't fit in the garbage can. So he puts it beside the can for the garbage man will pick up.

The neighbors dog is excitable, but they don't hear the dog barking, THey peek outside to find the dog had been in the bag, it lays beside the bag, Sleeping, or so they pray. They are concerned about what has happened to the dog.

You gave us a story with intensity that has been coupled with concern about the product. Great work, the way that you brought the story to us is good.
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really liked it hope you enjoyed Florida I live in Winnipeg Manitoba Canada.I 've been having up and down weather here. Girls are always nice to have for a friend male or female.
Tourists hope they were nice to you on your trip? It doesn't matter about your age.

It's a hard thing to learn just be yourself.







/
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting opening, the seer has suggested that someone from the shadow realm is alive. No one has seen anything or anyone like this in a great deal of time. I feel that she is the person from the shadow realm, by what she has seen thus far. The information that the seer ahs given to the king is good. The other member of the king's people may desire to find him/her fro himself. You have given us an interesting opening into the story, Thank you for the work you have done here.
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
The story has a lot of things going for it. It appears that you have written a good story. I feel that the characterization is well done. The knight who is here has realized that the people beneath him are also worthy of praise. He seems to be willing to allow the woman with the scar to have a say in this matter. He ahs prophetized about her. He knows that she is important, and is the oen who must save teh kingdom from the necromancer who has brought the undead to life. Who is attempting to rule over the living. She has been gievn a powerful swird, that will protect her from both the dead and the living as well. You have given us a character to want to read about and cheer on. The description of their combat is well done. I found it e=interesting.

Sincerely


albert-richards
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
hi,
The story is detailed. You have a lot of details on it. The characters I can see their interaction and the way you have described them are good. You made them seem real. The story has a lot going for it. The description of them is good, the way that they sell what they are doing is refrinded. Your tale is good, but it seems that the story should have more action to the characters they seem like puppets.
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Review of Seven Days Left  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
hi,
It seems to be well crafted. You have brought us to know your main character very well. Her reactionof her firend's email from what she thinsk is present day, could it possibly be from the future she thinsk not. Her roommate has been asked to marry the person. Whom your friend s=tells ehr of in advance. He wants to savethe wrold can eh do this? She does not know, but is surpized by what he has written here.
Maybe it is indeed from teh future. Who can she save the world if she does not do this for the planet. You have been able to alow us to know tehse facts simply by the way inwhich you wrote it.
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Review by Albert Richard
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
hi.
The story is definitely worth the reading. Your prologue is unique, it explains why we ahve life on this planet. The orbs are able to draw forth light and darkness. There will be a war concerning the orbs. One will die the other will live. Your story is able to create a curiousity for the reader to have. This desire to read more about the orbs. You have been able to convey to us, an interest in your story. Well done. The orbs are born by the god or gods. They have allowed us to learn of them by your creation of this story. You have written here. It is a good opening. You have a good hook here.
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Review of Dream Stuff  
Review by Albert Richard
Rated: E | (5.0)
It is unique. The woman who is being experimented does not know this. She remembers the incident thinks it is just her dream. The individuals who are working on her, are afraid of what their boss will say.
The dreams are things that are unusual to them. They have to be able to leave us alone. I know that this is your work.

It is a good story. The way inwhich you have described their work being done on the human on the table. She woke and recalls the dream, but doesn't realize it has happened to her. The story is able to carry us here, I found it to be interesting. It was well written. Thank you for presenting it to us (the readers) of your work.
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