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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/andrewblack
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6 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Maybe  
Review by AndrewBlack
Rated: E | (3.0)
I always love writing that considers deeper issues through a more mundane lense. Thinking about a relationship via a game of Go Fish is great. I would recommend using some punctuation to get the reader to hear the lines the way you want them to. I've also learned over time that using words like 'Maybe' or 'Because' to start most lines can become a bit of a crutch, even if it fits stylistically. I still enjoyed the premise. Keep going!
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Review of When Will it End?  
Review by AndrewBlack
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
I really enjoy the message of this poem, particularly the lines: "God bless the people who believed we could talk instead of fighting."

That said, this poem reads very much like a song to me, although that just maybe how I view things as a songwriter. There's a chorus, which is very well done, but I feel there could be a bit more use of punctuation to guide the reader to feel the same rhythm you feel when you read this in your head.

I don't mean that to sound too critical, I'm just offering advice from my own experience. The repeated verse is great, it makes me want to put a melody to it.
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Review of Teens Rule!  
Review by AndrewBlack
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is really well done, because I’m not entirely sure if this is from the point of view of an adult satirizing teenage thinking, or from a teenager voicing their opinion. I suspect it’s the former. The mention of social networking takes me a bit beyond my own experience as a teenager, but it brings up an issue I’ve often considered. What would it be like to be a teenager now? It seems horrifying.
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Review by AndrewBlack
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoy a good description of the colour red. The way we think of it is really contradictory, one thing to represent love and anger. You’ve captured that quite well here. It’s always interesting to find a common thread between things that seem opposite on the surface.
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