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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/angr
Review Requests: ON
11 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Inheritance  
Review by WriterAngel
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I like the second/fourth-line rhyme scheme and iambic meter as well as your take on the prompt (the act that gives birth to the witch). The climactic moment is quite dark too, befitting the nature of the contest.

This was my favorite stanza:

Pajamas, her silken armor,
sight keener than a blade.
Boldly, she treads into the dark
and treacherous forest glade.

The first line gives the impression of vulnerability before the second conjures the sharp image of imminent danger with the blade. The alternating imagery gives it a dangerous feeling that is paid off by the subsequent action of marching into the treacherous forest.

Well done!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Poems  
Review by WriterAngel
Rated: E | (4.5)
I saw your request for reviews and noticed that you've got quite a few collected here, so I jumped down to the bottom, figuring it was the most recent. :)

Review of: Something is Wrong

The repetition of "Is it normal" gives the poem a cadence that makes it feel circular, as if the thoughts keep circling in the speaker's head.

The second and third lines is hard-hitting, drawing me in, making me want to understand more about what's going on.

Lines 5-6 seem contradictory to the 2-3, with the speaker standing up to their father despite the fact that he intimidates them.

Line 8-9 speak to the bitterness of their interactions.

After that, the floodgates open, and all is revealed.

I hope that the speaker is able to eventually find a better place in dealings with their father, or if not, then find solace in the company of someone else.

It's a powerful piece of work. It feels raw, full of pain, and brutally honest. Wonderful job... but so sad. :(


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Torn  
Review by WriterAngel
Rated: E | (5.0)
A simply stated, raw look at a difficult relationship. It has the brutally honest feel of a self-aware moment of realization. Very well done! I hope to see more of your work around here in the future. Plenty of poetry contests to choose from that can inspire you to create. Just message me if you'd like me to point you to any fun ones...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Justice  
Review by WriterAngel
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a wonderful little story! I love the concept. It's amazing how much backstory and characterization you were able to squeeze into it, managing an action scene and a beautifully crafted ending inside of 300 words. It's a marvel. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of Beyond the Grave  
Review by WriterAngel
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
It's always a pleasure to read your work. I really like this one. The trochaic meter gives it an processional, chanting feel, like witches around a cauldron as they build the fire. The faces in the flames imagery is a really amazing take on the prompt. It made me re-imagine the squiggly lines in the image as flames.

This was my favorite verse:

"Two they are in creeping whispers
through old gravestones in the gloom,
there beside ancestral sepulchres
they plan to build their secret fire."

"Sepulchres" is such a great word.

Anyway, I'm really not much of a reviewer. I just really liked your poem, so I thought I'd drop a little note of appreciation.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by WriterAngel
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I just noticed that I had an expired review request for this item. I'm so sorry that I missed it. I'm not accustomed to being asked for reviews. But I'm happy to do one for you, so here goes...

Overall Impression
* The piece is very heartfelt and emotional. I felt myself tearing up a little reading it.
* It progresses through memories and scenes well, paced like a story with touching scenes followed by dark moments, followed by lighter ones.
* The final lines were brilliant.
* I loved it.

Technical glitches
* "For-granted" should be "For granted" (no hyphen)
* "And yet….all that time" should be "And yet... all that time" (An ellipsis only has three periods - there were a couple more of these as well.)
* "casket shaped hole" should be "casket-shaped hole" (add hyphen)
* "out-loud" should be "out loud" (no hyphen)
* "often-sudden light-bulb" should be "often sudden light bulb"

Suggestions for improvement
* Maybe adding some visceral, sensory language or details would help bring some of scenes you're weaving together to life. For example:

"To you, I was your little helper when you baked cookies"

Could maybe be something more like:

"To you, I was you little helper when you baked cookies,
scurrying about, smiling as I sniffed the sugary scent of dough on tin"


...or...

"The little old lady who stood in the kitchen

A spatula in hand

And told me all the different ways to make a good dinner"


Could maybe be something like:

"The little old lady gazing warmly into my eyes from her perch behind the kitchen counter,

spatula in hand, smoothing her crinkled apron, eyes sparkling

as her wrinkled lips whispered years of cooking wisdom into my eager ears."


Only you know the right image to paint, but my advice would be to paint it in the most vibrant colors you can. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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7
Review of Sadie's Song  
Review by WriterAngel
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Sexy, sinister sibilance serves sends said song soaring!

I loved this poem. I tried an entry too, but yours definitely deserves to win. Thank you for sharing it! :)
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8
Review of Poetic Pieces  
for entry "The Carnival Is Over
Review by WriterAngel
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This one gave me chills. Beautifully done, as always... :)
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9
Review of Cornstalks  
Review by WriterAngel
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Such a creative use of the prompt. Wonderful final line. :)
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