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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/arbon
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4 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Review of Tiny Life Guard  
Review by Arbon
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
This is probably one of the better giantess/shrinking/transformation stories out there, with a LOT of competition. I will point out most of that competition is garbage, but a short list of what this interactive does right:

The chapters are lengthy. Not tremendously so, but the vast majority of chapters constitute an actual CHAPTER with options provided at a pivotal point, rather than anywhere and everywhere the story could split in two ways. All of my favorite interactive fallow that pattern, in which the people submitting them realize they are weaving a story of their own design, not simply putting down a sentence or two to fallow the list of possible outcomes.

There is length to the story arch. In other words, there are enough chapters to form an actual story. Multiple ones in fact. Each with a similar style and catering to a different fetish, while still providing enough of a story and enough characterization that it isn't mindless ... even if it is blatant.

There are rules are fallowed! The fact it even has rules instead of just 25 chapters of "Option X" or "other" to cover every possible idea before the story even starts is a credit to this interactive. I give it a full five stars, and I'll be watching each of these writers.
Review of The Prisoner  
Review by Arbon
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I rate a storyteller’s ability (my own included) by how well they can capture an audience. How well do their words draw you to the story. With this one, “The Prisoner” I read through every single storyline available and was always disappointed whenever I saw an ending to any one of them. My first thought immediately after I could no longer continue an already written story was to find more by the same authors, namely “Who Me” and “Bruce Lee Gifford Jr.” and start reading a new story all over again. For that ability to keep my eyes glued to the page, I cannot give anything less than a five star review. Heck, I still want to read more, and as soon as I have the time I’ll probably try to add my own storyline in through one of the multiple side options just so there is more happening with certain characters.

With that said however, comes the negative feedback. These are things that would normally make me turn the other way and find something else to pay attention to, and I can only be glad I overlooked them for the sake of the story. There are loads of noticeable typos in your work, from spelling to duplicate words, every five minutes or so some sort of typo is going to throw a reader off as they struggle to figure out what the sentence was supposed to be. It actually reminds me of when I was ten years old and writing reports for school, these are the exact same kind of mistakes. Not bad enough to warrant loosing half a star, but if you can edit out chapters you might want to have someone proofread your work.

Heck, if you asked me I’d be up for the task.

The next major mistake (though not something that breaks the storyline) is that at predictable intervals in the storyline, almost like clockwork, there are parts that just sound too corny for someone to actually written them. Or perhaps the word I’m looking for is “overused.” … but, meh … after all this, I’d have to just include the occasional awkward parts as a part of the author’s writing style. However much I think it would be better if there were just a touch of poetry and more skillful sentence structure, it works all the same just the way it is.
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