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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/atholjack
Review Requests: ON
13 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Jack Henry
Rated: E | (4.0)
I wish I had a Linear Time Projector right now to prognosticate where the Global economy will wind up. A great story that kept me interested till the end.
2
2
Review by Jack Henry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
This is weird but oh so engaging. One edit I found: 'technology for a few (years) now and you people...' Your story has a few interesting twists. We dive into a pretty convincing moon landing which we learn is an instructional flight in a simulator. Some jokes about females and birds that turn in an unexpected way. The description of Charlene is hinted at throughout the story, and I was left with a vivid picture of a large and somewhat sexy turkey. John Wayne Stone is a nice guy trying his best to be politically correct until he gets himself into the nest, and the reader is left wondering... is this what he wanted or even a good thing? The story also hints at inter-alien assimilation--and what a calamity should an alien species ever discover us. There is also a nod to Veganism and the morality of eating bird species, all told with tongue firmly in cheek.
Batter Dipped Space Chicken is a quirky story and one deserving the Sci-fi genre.
3
3
Review by Jack Henry
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hi Raymond. Inspirational stories are always good. The world is full of those telling people had bad things are. First of all, your premise: the road to success is smooth. I'm not sure your premise is backed-up by your argument. Also, there are a few errors creeping into your writing.
...assumption but BY a step.
...war, nor DOES HE LOSE focus ON returning home.
...people TELL you it's rough.
"Thanks, I KNOW, but I have chosen THE ROAD TO SUCCESS."
...how BAD the other road MAY be.
...decision by THOSE we accept advice from.
Success is like A puzzle: THE PIECES ARE scattered, but it takes PATIENCE and WISDOM to arrange it.
EVERY DAY you live sees the FUTURE...
...you will end up not ARRIVING at your destination.

The above are minor technical errors, but you get the idea. If you want folks to listen to your message, you have to be certain they are not distracted by errors.
Keep preaching the 'smooth road' and stay positive. Cheers
4
4
Review by Jack Henry
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I love stories where an anthropomorphic point of view is from a mundane object--in this case a pair of Converse sneakers. The description of the owner, a school-age girl, is imaginative. I sort of felt the story should have developed to some sort of pay-off. for example, the end could be the shoes lamenting the fact they were owned by a champion marathon runner, saying, 'for every winner, there's a loser crossing the line.'OR some such thing. Overall, this is a well-written story from a novel point of view.
5
5
Review of Journal/Blog  
for entry "Meter and Foot
Review by Jack Henry
Rated: E | (5.0)
I've learnt the above in the past and since forgotten. Your blog explaining one metrical foot at a time is a helpful approach.
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6
Review of The Story Box  
Review by Jack Henry
Rated: E | (4.5)
This was a difficult story for me to read, not because it was badly written, on the contrary, but because it brought back memories of my father. "...through the double glass doors and stepping into the urine-scented warmth of the Sunny Springs foyer". I remember my Saturday morning visits vividly. Apart from a couple of cliches, this story is crafted with detail that brings it to life and bestows authenticity. It reads as a tender, personal report of a weekly visit to a nursing home (indeed, if it is fiction only demonstrates the author's skill). The device to energize lost memories is clever. It could have been a war medal, a wedding ring, or any number of obvious things but an insignificant peel of Maple bark sets forth a story of childhood experience and recollection. Dementia and its cause and cure are one of the major challenges to medical research in this age. I'm sure this story will find a publisher.
PS. Yossarian is one of my favorite fictional characters.
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7
Review of Dark  
Review by Jack Henry
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
This story left me with a lot of questions and possibly that is the role of a short story; a thin slice of a world whereby the reader is left to add their own conclusions. The story's title says much. A chilling tale that kept me reading until the gruesome end.
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8
Review by Jack Henry
Rated: E | (3.5)
Once upon a time there was a beautiful send off for a much loved son. Everyday leading up to the service, his father went to the funeral home to touch the hair of his boy lying in the casket. The father had never seen a deceased person and accepted this was how they looked. One day, weeks after the funeral, the father got a phone call. It was from a friend who told the father his son was alive. He did not believe it. It was impossible. It must be a mistake. Finally when the County Sheriff’s office intervened, they admitted there had been a mistake. The coroner, in identifying the body, had made a big one.
9
9
Review by Jack Henry
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
This story is not so much haunting as it is disturbing. The ghost of Kelly Davis is indeed a tragic one, at least we think she is. The Anderson farm is approaching the only time of year it makes money, the Halloween holiday. The farm transforms into a house of horrors. Her ghost raises suspicion in Jeb Anderson, has him question his son. Jacob Anderson had problems with alcohol, but all that is in the past. Is Jeb's son innocent or is darker lust at play?
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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/atholjack