First of all, great job including a good rhyme! Rhyming is something which I personally struggle with so I think it's impressive that you included it so effortlessly (or at least it looked effortless). Great imagery and amazing job personifying the heart. I loved how you talked about the heart beating and how you used that to help incorporate so much emotion into the story.
Hi there!
Overall, your story is great! You give much detail of the boats, the islands, the storm, etc. which helped paint a very clear picture of what was going on in my mind. I do have a few thoughts:
Clarify a bit more the time period. You talked about things like cannon fire, which make it seem more old fashioned, like something in the 1600's, however you then talk about planes, which brings it to the 20th century. This confused me a bit, so I would either add more evidence as to what the time period is, or I would remove that section altogether as to avoid confusion.
Why was Samantha's boat sucked into the storm? Was it because she doubted that the boats would take them anywhere and she wanted to stay on the island? That's how I was able to interpret it, however, it is a bit confusing in my mind as to why that happened to her.
I would go a bit more in depth about some of the experiences. Some of the key moments in the story were written as only "moments" with maybe three sentences, where you could have used paragraphs to thoroughly explain the situation.
Overall, this was a great story and very well written though!
Lovely story Skye! It really tugged at my heartstrings and I cried at multiple points from the emotion. Great descriptive language and I really felt for the kids. Keep up the great work, Skye..... or should i say Kayla?
What an amazing, well written story! It was so emotional and made me feel for you! I definitely understand your connection towards writing. I started writing competitively a few years ago, and since then, creative writing has been something that I have a huge passion for! You're clearly an amazing author!
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/axw15
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.10 seconds at 2:41am on Aug 23, 2025 via server WEBX2.
View Portfolio
Visit Notebook
Send Gift Points
Awards
Badges
Send Email
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Book of Trinkets
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
