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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/balty
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9 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Why on Deaf Ears?  
Review by Balty
Rated: E | (4.0)
This reminds me of Psalm 22, which starts, "My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?" It was a cry of anguish and despair, yet, in the end, the psalmist ended with praising God. Perhaps, he has seen his salvation. Perhaps, someone had helped him later on. In the case of Jesus, He knew that the end will not be death but glory.

Do your words really fall on deaf ears? I believe that God works through other people. He tells them what to do, not in the way God speaks to Moses or to the other prophets, but through conversations of ordinary people and circumstances from ordinary events.

So, my question is, "Do the words of God fall on deaf ears?" He may already be replying to your prayers, but do the people He asked to help you listening and obeying Him? Whose ears, then, are deaf?

I can feel your anguish, although there are moments of hope. Still, in the end, it seemed that despair came out the victor. I hope, like the psalmist, you can later say "I will declare your name to my people; in the assembly I will praise you." (Ps 22:22)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review by Balty
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I agree with your insights. The devil is not a human being. He is not even the zombies, vampires or werewolves that are shown in the media. Rather, the devil is that entity the spreads the idea that he does not exist. And if we believe that, we can easily let our guard down.

The devil is the one who says that truth is relative: something true to you may not be true to me.

The devil distorts the truth in order to confuse us. And because he does this, we have to go back to the source of truth: the Word of God.

I thank you for this article. It reminded me that God promised He will never leave us, however the world treats us. And He never fails.

And because of this, I will never fear.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Balty
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I liked the humor in the piece, although some might think that this is being insensitive, that your husband might already have been dead. However, since you are already telling this story in a humorous way means that nothing bad happened to him.

I wonder why you didn't call him on his mobile phone? I expected that you'll get your phone from the box. That scene was funny.

Perhaps, the story about you being locked out can be placed in another piece of work. Having these two different and humorous stories tend to reduce their impact. I hope you will develop the second one and post it.

Your use of italics clearly differentiated the reality from the imagined.

Thank you for sharing. Keep up the good work. Keep on writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review of The Process  
Review by Balty
Rated: E | (4.0)
The piece had some grammatical errors, like the use of laying instead of lying, or some missing punctuation marks.

At first I thought it was a sci-fi story, with people being reprogrammed when they don't perform well. Then came the unexpected ending. I was surprised, making me to read the story again. Only then did I understand the first part. Everything clicked. Even the "18 years of vacation" was very logical, contributing to the understanding of the ending.

This is a very good piece. Keep on writing.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review of The Gun  
Review by Balty
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
The first thing I noticed is the formatting. Perhaps, you could say that I judge a book by its cover. However, if I don't see enough white spaces, I feel that a piece is difficult to read.

Next is the theme, or the lack of it. What is the story about? Is it to show your indignation to the various shootings happening in the country?

Then, the logic. Why was the man killing those girls? Why were they tied? Who screamed behind the author?

Finally, the point of view. How did the author tell this story when she was already dead? Would a third person point of view correct this? But would it be as dramatic? Perhaps, you could write it in the third person and see how it goes.

What worked for me is your description of the defiance of the last two girls. Perhaps the author got the courage from the girl killed before her. You were able to show the author's feelings of anger and courage, more than the feeling of fear.

This could be a part of a longer story, perhaps tweaking the ending. Keep up the good work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Awakening  
Review by Balty
Rated: E | (4.0)
I like the way you started your piece in a poetic way. You have used metaphors to show how difficult it is to start a new day. However, sometimes I find reading these kinds of works difficult. For this particular piece, even if it is just a few hundred words, I have to repeat reading the sentences in order to get their gist.

I also liked that you contrasted two different events: the ordinary activity of waking up and the grand solar flare. Compared to the sun, a human being may really seem to be puny. But I would like that even with this reality, we, humans, are still significant in this world, or else your work will be dark and depressing.

You have a good sense of irony. Keep up the good work and keep writing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review of Zero Sum Gain  
Review by Balty
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
First, the bad points:
1. The similes in the first paragraph didn't work for me. It was more difficult to imagine the "bright birds", "mundane background of humanity" and "rough surface of bitter brew".
2. I got confused with Gerod. He was first a customs guard, checking those coming in the station, then a guard where the Governor stays, near the escape shuttles, where people would leave. Since Gerod is not a main character, he need not be developed in the story. Another guard can be mentioned guarding the Governor's office.
3. If the clone is able to grow new organs, why the need to grow another clone? Why is the growing of new organs only available to clones?
4. I was not convinced with Jet's sudden change of mind, from being ready to die (and her niece) to protect New Eunomia, and, in this case, the Governor, to one who helps Charlie get to the Governor.
5. There was a misplaced quotation mark, but this is already nitpicking.

Now, for the good points:
1. I got lost in the story, which means you are a very good story teller.
2. The suspense kept me going. There was action from start to finish.
3. There were lots of white spaces which made reading easier and the pace of the story faster.
4. I also got to challenge my thinking: Is a clone another human being, with all the rights and respect due to any human being?
5. The science is both familiar and unique. For example, "whole mind transfer" is familiar, especially to a computer-savvy generation, but being successful only to brains that are compatible.
6. The question at the end is a good one. Does it really matter if the woman is really the Governor or Charlie? They both have the same mind. There is a new clone, and so the cycle will be repeated. Charlie earlier said that the world would be a better place if she and the original are gone. What would Jet do?
7. I believe that this is not a first draft because the story is compact, and any extraneous side story has been removed. The first episode with Gerod was, perhaps, to establish his character. I thank you for this; your readers need not edit the work for you.

Overall, I liked the story and the story telling. The pace was fast, there was suspense, and the ending was satisfying, even if it was open-ended.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of The Dove  
Review by Balty
Rated: E | (5.0)
I love haikus. Those simple 5-7-5 lines can provide so much emotions, I marvel at poets who can write these poems. With few words, haikus can tell a great deal of stories. And this particular haiku is no different from the ones I enjoyed.

The first two lines uses peaceful words, such as "Dove", "gently", "silent", and "drifting". These words lull me into a kind of relaxed state, as if I am in a middle of a garden, hearing the song of birds and the gush of a waterfall.

Then comes the last line which mentions of “broken hearts”. I was jarred by this line, sad emotions coming back to me. I remember past hurts, rejections, and unrequited love, happening so many decades ago but their memories still give me pains.

However, instead of getting down, I feel hope welling up in me. Now, I don't have to face the sadness, for the Dove, or the Holy Spirit, has come to me. I can see the Spirit going through each crevice in my heart, and filling them up so that now, instead of having a heart full of cracks, I have a heart that is solidly whole. I am consoled, for I am reminded of God's promise that He will never leave me. With this knowledge, I felt more at peace than when I imagined myself in the middle of the garden at the start of the poem.

I thank you, Angel, for this uplifting poem. Using only seven words, the poem has stirred in me so many emotions, the last one being at peace.
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