*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Get it for
Apple iOS.
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bardduyharnam
Review Requests: OFF
5 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by BardfromYharnam
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sadly, I know next to nothing of poetry, but if it matters I really liked this one. I felt that the flow and rhythm come naturally and the theme is good. The fact that the begining foreshadows a different story from what happens in the end is nice too. The transition works well. However, I think the air of mysticism could have been further enhanced and the contrast between men adn mermen could be more prominent.
2
2
Review by BardfromYharnam
Rated: E | (4.5)
I knew less than I thought; it was a nice learning experience. It was a bit strange though, that I only counted 7 mistakes, while the test says I' ve made 12. Does anyone know what's up with that?
3
3
Review by BardfromYharnam
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really like the framing device of a written letter, and it lends a lot of personality to the writing. However, I felt that you could still take it up a notch, by making the tone more cordial and maybe making it a bit longer. I felt that the aura of magic and wonder you were going for didn't come through as much as it could have. I also found maybe a single grammar mistake and a few adverbs, which I am told are to be avoided. Overall good work.
4
4
Review by BardfromYharnam
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Nice work. A fun bit, especially since it's a twist on the overused, 'look at me badass main character killing some bastard, whilst showcasing his moral code' opening.
I felt a few words were out of place or repeated multiple times (for example: jabbed) and the prose (especially the dialouge) comes as as a bit too 'straight-forward' and compact to feel natural. It might be better to make it a tad longer, to make it less so. Spencer is also cartoonishly evil for me, but that plays well into the concept of the story. Once again, nice job.
4 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bardduyharnam