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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/beckamay
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3 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by R. Engels
Rated: E | (4.5)
So raw with emotion... it would be amazing to be able to wipe our memories clean. I love your writing style, I can feel your anguish and frustration. I was actually sad when I read it the first time, but after reading it a second time, I can totally relate. Great poem.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review by R. Engels
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I love this! Your writing style is impeccable. I love that you don't use ostentatious words that some pompous writers do because those stories are boring to read. Your use of everyday language makes the piece that much more enjoyable to read, and it has a remarkable flow. The attention to detail made it easy to imagine being right there with your characters.

The way you describe certain details (like the wavy lock of hair shaken out of his face, the daggers of ice in his eyes, Seto's eyes gleaming with the hunger of a hunter, and his gaze pounding on the window to her soul) is incredible and makes it easy to play the scene out in my mind. I have an idea of what each character looks like just by your descriptions. And I bet I can guess what Seto was doing in the bathroom! haha

Amazing. The only suggestion I would even dare to offer you is to maybe replace the word "whore" with a synonym every once in a while. Don't get me wrong, I have no issue with the word, but it's used a lot. Good read!
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Review by R. Engels
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I'm new to this site and this is my first review, so I hope I read the review guidelines well enough.

I love your answer! Is it a continuation of a story of yours, or just answering the "question of the day?" I would like to have known a little more about the characters,but your writing is wonderfully detailed otherwise. It was as if I could feel the water quenching their thirst and the women holding on while the wagon bumped over the rocky trail.

Honestly, there were only a few grammatical and spelling errors. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to point them out, but there really weren't many. In your first paragraph, it should be spelled "horizon." Also, if I may, I think it should be, "But the harbors in this wasteland looked no more than a multitude of mirages." If you don't like that suggestion, then you should place an "a" in between "then" and "mirage", just for grammar's sake.

First sentence of your third paragraph, "cattles" should be "cattles'", since it's a possessive noun.
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