*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Get it for
Apple iOS.
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/belverk
Review Requests: OFF
42 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
In particular I can help with wording and flow issues. I give constructive feedback on the general feel, plot holes, and where you may need more or less detail in your work. My feedback is (sometimes brutally) honest, but is aimed at helping you improve your work. If I don't like your work I probably won't review it, so please take any criticism as a form of praise.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, travel, adventure, horror, occult
Least Favorite Genres
Poetry (although I do like William Blake)
I will not review...
I am pretty open minded so nothing is off limits. However, I am not interested in anything overly religious (in the pushy sense), misogynistic, racist, or in anyway overtly bigoted.
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Hope  
Review by von Garrett
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
I certainly appreciate the sentiment. I have felt much the same way. However, I didn't grasp the convention or how the piece was meant to flow.
2
2
Review of The Gathering  
Review by von Garrett
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
This seems like it might be an interesting piece. Although I must admit I did not get past the first paragraph. It seems like it could be a powerfully emotive scene but it's a little too matter of fact for my taste in literature. Personally I would like to see more emotive language used and more tactile descriptions. Just little details that really draw the reader into the scene. The numbers of casualties of particular attacks seem like irrelevant details to me. Instead I feel that what would work better would be more vivid descriptions of individual duals. Don't be afraid to describe the scent of burning flesh or inhuman screams of agony or any details that bring the scene to life. Without these the scene seems abstract and flat. You don't have to make it super gory or anything but more realism would go a long way capturing the interest of readers.

I hope this is helpful.
3
3
Review of Forest Dance  
Review by von Garrett
Rated: E | (4.5)
I don't normally like poetry but I enjoyed this piece. One line that did not quite work for me "The symphony is hushed but strong," I would consider changing it to "Their symphony hushed yet strong," It just seems to me that the 'is' breaks the flow and the line still makes sense without it.
4
4
Review by von Garrett
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nice story. I have never been to a Czech Tea house, but I am sure if I ever do, I will remember your story and hopefully it will save me from making the same mistake. The writing is clear and good humored. You really get a feeling for the place, without being bogged down with details
5
5
Review of Trick or Tweet  
Review by von Garrett
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow what a brilliant tale. I thoroughly enjoyed every moment of it. Its such a powerful piece. I love that you have taken a Y2K approach on the 2012 doomsday scenario, made science fiction seem real and yet kept the tale very human and personal.

I only have two criticisms: the first, is the title. It is off putting in its cheesiness. The second, is that it's far too short. I personally think that this should be a novel. There seems to be plenty of room to expand this concept into a much larger work. :)

6
6
Review by von Garrett
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nice piece of poetry. Its dark and speaks to the soul. Like an old blue song or the words of Nick Cave "the moon is in the gutter." I wasn't quite sure on how the piece was supposed to flow. I kind of made up my own rythem by reading out loud that was quite different from the actual structure of the piece.

For example:
"I am alone. It’s colder
than before, but not heavy; I shake though
the strain is gone."

I would read as:

"I am alone.
It's colder than before,
But not heavy
I shake though the strain is gone"

Though I am not sure, as that doesn't quite sound right either....
7
7
Review by von Garrett
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Thoroughly enjoyable read. The only criticism I have is that it seems like a cliche (supernatural detective/urban fantasy). That said, if this is the type of story you want to write and love doing it, then who cares if it seems cliche. However, as a reader, I think it would be interesting to see you explore new ground.

You were very successful at setting the scene and developing your characters in this piece. The piece was also full of interesting juxtapositions, such as in the writing style between commentary and dialogue, and in the openning dream sequence and when the character wakes up.

Looking forward to reading the next chapter :)
8
8
Review by von Garrett
Rated: E | (3.5)
This is a lovely little poem. Though I must say that it is fortunate that it is only short because I had to read it twice in order to make sense of it.

Things like:
Butterfly wings blend with little girls'
Brightly colored shirts

In my opinion would have read better as:

Butterfly wings blend with little girls' brightly colored shirts
9
9
Review of Creep  
Review by von Garrett
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A nice little twist at the end. The poem certainly evokes a omnious feeling and then ends on a warm fuzzy note :)
10
10
Review by von Garrett
Rated: E | (4.5)
Though I am not religious, nor even a connoisseur of poetry, I love how this poem is writen, how it unites and reveals that at their core all human souls ache for the same mystery :)
11
11
Review by von Garrett
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Well written, but not particularly interesting. It seems more like a description of a scenario than a actual story. One could perhaps even go so far as to say, that is sounds more like letting of steam than a genuine work. Now if this is fiction, I think the author has done a brilliant job, though could perhaps gone into more detail and created a bit more drama.
11 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/belverk