*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bethonie_yelm
Review Requests: OFF
13 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Shadows  
Review by waringb12
Rated: E | (4.0)
The idea was good, but there were two things that stopped me scoring any higher. The first was to do with you range of phrases. They were really good lines (impressed face) but then you repeat words, which really kind of ruined the piece. (eg "...with the simplistic thoughts of their owners. They are organisms too simplistic to have their own...") The second thing, which was a bit more minor and more to do with story line than any thing else is at the end (...I will hobbel with her) I was under the impression the girl and the shadow were seperated. I don' know if that was what you were going for or anything but if it was then the last bit doesn't fit. Enough moaning now! I have enjoyed reading this piece. I would definatly adivice you to keep writing because I wouldn't doubt the minor flaws were just because you were
rusty.
2
2
Review by waringb12
Rated: E | (4.5)
I would say five but that means its perfect. I don't think it is but I know this is my favourite piece of writing on here. I love it. So truthful and in rhyme! Brilliant!
3
3
Review of Aspen  
Review by waringb12
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,
I liked the use of description. The way you show her relationship with the forest was really good. I would say to mind there were a little typos so I'd watch out for that. Also, it didn't really seem to make sense to me. I wasn't really sure why the things happened, so it was a little confussing. It was interesting, though. Definatly keep working at it.
4
4
Review of Indulgence  
Review by waringb12
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
It's ok. It's good for the word limit, but I felt it difficult to keep with what was going on. I liked the beginning bit, but the second but isn't as good. The first bit doesn't make sense without the second bit though. The more I read it, the more I like it. It was hard to set a rating. It started off at 3, but the story grows on you. I liked the 'dragon' phrase. I can't suggest exactly what to do to make it better. Have a look at the other entries and see if you can work something out. Really good. Well done
5
5
Review of The Ancient  
Review by waringb12
Rated: E | (4.5)
So... What happens next?! It sounds like a good beginning. You're onto a great story if the rests like this. Welcome to writing.com. I look forward to reading more.
6
6
Review of Survivor  
Review by waringb12
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow! This was brilliant. Perfect length, perfect pace, perfect timings. One question. Did it win?
7
7
Review by waringb12
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
This is a really good story line and I really liked how you told the story, kind of. At some points, especially in the middle, it really really worked. It meant I focused on the story more and I really liked that. But at the beginning it made it really confussing and got a little repetitive. It was a bit off putting. I'm really glad I carried on though, because I liked the story and it made me think about myself. It's really good and worth another look at. Thanks for writing.
Bethonie Waring

www.waringb12.wordpress.com
7 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 1 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bethonie_yelm