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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bettershewrote
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9 Public Reviews Given
9 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
Hi, I enjoy reading, reviewing and critiquing, but would like to say I am by no means an expert. I'd hope that any and all input for change I give to another writer is also received with a critical eye. Your writing is your art *Smile* I address any punctuation or wording errors I perceive. I narrow in on sentence structure and vocabulary that could be refined. Then I really focus on what emotions and feelings the writing and content evoke. Sometimes I do this in reverse order, lol, depending on how struck I am by the piece. Writing and story telling, to me, is all about the feelings and emotions evoked *Smile*. At this point, I still get really overwhelmed with really long pieces of writing and tend to stick with the shorter ones.
I'm good at...
Fine tuning. Punctuation, Spelling. Assessing the character of a piece; emotions derived. Sentence structure and formatting.
Favorite Genres
Poetry, Short Stories, Bios, Sci Fi, horror, romance, technical writing,
Least Favorite Genres
Politics, business, sports
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Windedword
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is striking. With suggestions of humor, but mostly, resentment. In the end I was left with a feeling of panic. Great job inciting feeling in the reader! I love the repetitive use of the word Baby, really solidifies it's villainous form. This is a letter of warning, a distress signal sent out. I love it's darkness, and it's realism. Thank you for your art. Write on Mik!


Windedword.
2
2
Review by Windedword
Rated: E | (3.5)
2nd paragraph- past-tense used, seems it should be present. Exmpl.- ("No, but what has happened?")

3rd paragraph, 1st sentence, needs ? at end. I'd actually break up that first sentence of the 3rd paragraph; for dramatic effect. Exmpl- ("How can I Not be concerned?! This is about Coffee!") Did she cry endlessly?

4th paragraph, 4th sentence; past/present tense jumble. Fix exmpl;- ("This is not the first time coffee has been banned.") Or ("Our nation/state is not the first to implement a coffee ban.")
Last sentence of 4th paragraph is a run-on sentence. See if you can break it up some. It at least needs some commas.

5th paragraph- The government will not see eye to eye with
the public. Last sentence of the 5th para.- needs refined; connect it to previous sentence...exmlp- (" If swayed by the people not to ban it, they will surely raise the price to cost an arm and a leg.")

The 8th paragraph needs punctuation corrections.

I like this story. Great use of descriptive words describing emotions. Good banter between the two subjects. I sided with Tara as I love my coffee. Mostly wording, past and present tense placement and punctuation need looked at. Great and entertaining story and debate. Write on! Keep loving the art *Smile*

Winded.



3
3
Review by Windedword
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi. I liked this piece. It quickly drew me in and the imagery is great! I could easily recall that miserable feeling, being in that stagnant heat stuck in traffic, from the picture you worded. I love that there is so much information and imagery given without it feeling overly detailed or drawn out. You slip the details in as you're telling us something else. And in the end you've managed to hold our interest.
Being from a smaller town, I was confused about where all the glass was coming from at first. The commuter traffic here is often on the highways, mostly flat ground all around, lol. I was like, is this some sort of sci-fi glass bomb? Then it clicked, oh yeah, he's in Chicago amongst tall buildings, lol.
The only thoughts for improvement I have is; are the last three words the right way to end it? It seems, I don't know, kinda against the flow of the rest of the piece. Is there a way to describe that he is dead without simply saying he is dead? Again, just thoughts. I am by no means an expert.

Thank you for your piece! Write on!

Winded.
4
4
Review of Overthinker  
Review by Windedword
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I just wanted to say your Poem really spoke to me. Fellow over-thinker here. Your writing is fluid and has a clear message. It speaks of thought, of tangled memories and of insecurity. I think it is a message many of us can relate to. I love it! Thank you for your art! Write on!
A Happy Reader,
Winded
5
5
Review of Words  
Review by Windedword
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so beautiful.
6
6
Review of Why in the World?  
Review by Windedword
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello. I really enjoyed reading your piece. The scene you presented was easy to slip into. I sat down with you and met with God. I was very delighted with your description of him, I can see the tan jacket. The familiarity between you and him, the fact that you had met before, brought feel-good, wholesome feelings. And as I figured out the message along with you I felt that sense of wonder at it's simplicity! It makes perfect sense to me.
When you wake up and share with your cat, the message is further solidified. Maybe unnecessary to say you were napping or that you had eaten the ice cream before you slept. Writing "the bed, the ice cream bowl still in my lap" or "still next to me" would imply you were sleeping and had recently had ice cream, shortening the sentence to better hold the reader. I am a little confused about the last line of that paragraph regarding implications of life. Were you saying you continue to see examples of life based of sharing?
I think your closing statement ended this piece perfectly. Thank you for your story!
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