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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bettershewrote
Review Requests: ON
6 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Windedword
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi. I liked this piece. It quickly drew me in and the imagery is great! I could easily recall that miserable feeling, being in that stagnant heat stuck in traffic, from the picture you worded. I love that there is so much information and imagery given without it feeling overly detailed or drawn out. You slip the details in as you're telling us something else. And in the end you've managed to hold our interest.
Being from a smaller town, I was confused about where all the glass was coming from at first. The commuter traffic here is often on the highways, mostly flat ground all around, lol. I was like, is this some sort of sci-fi glass bomb? Then it clicked, oh yeah, he's in Chicago amongst tall buildings, lol.
The only thoughts for improvement I have is; are the last three words the right way to end it? It seems, I don't know, kinda against the flow of the rest of the piece. Is there a way to describe that he is dead without simply saying he is dead? Again, just thoughts. I am by no means an expert.

Thank you for your piece! Write on!

Winded.
2
2
Review of Overthinker  
Review by Windedword
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I just wanted to say your Poem really spoke to me. Fellow over-thinker here. Your writing is fluid and has a clear message. It speaks of thought, of tangled memories and of insecurity. I think it is a message many of us can relate to. I love it! Thank you for your art! Write on!
A Happy Reader,
Winded
3
3
Review of Nimrod  
Review by Windedword
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, I think you have given a good example of a case in which a person could rightfully be called a Nimrod. You describe a person who is bull headed, self absorbed, and ignorant to,(or just ignoring,) common sense rules. I will say though, that putting a label on someone is risky business as nobody is ever just one thing. Thank you for your piece! Write on!
Winded
4
4
Review of Words  
Review by Windedword
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is so beautiful.
5
5
Review of Why in the World?  
Review by Windedword
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello. I really enjoyed reading your piece. The scene you presented was easy to slip into. I sat down with you and met with God. I was very delighted with your description of him, I can see the tan jacket. The familiarity between you and him, the fact that you had met before, brought feel-good, wholesome feelings. And as I figured out the message along with you I felt that sense of wonder at it's simplicity! It makes perfect sense to me.
When you wake up and share with your cat, the message is further solidified. Maybe unnecessary to say you were napping or that you had eaten the ice cream before you slept. Writing "the bed, the ice cream bowl still in my lap" or "still next to me" would imply you were sleeping and had recently had ice cream, shortening the sentence to better hold the reader. I am a little confused about the last line of that paragraph regarding implications of life. Were you saying you continue to see examples of life based of sharing?
I think your closing statement ended this piece perfectly. Thank you for your story!
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