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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bkies23
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7 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by bkies
Rated: E | (4.0)
I enjoyed reading your story. It was written very clearly was easy to read. Not overly descriptive and a very nice moral at the end of the story. The only line I thought a bit awkward was: A cloud moved over the sun, and it became very dark in the little green plant. I would suggest this: A cloud blocked the sun, and the day became very dark.

I liked the pictures and this is a very nice story for young children to read.

I have just added a new story, Carolyn's Pond #2079310. It has a frog in the story as well. Maybe you could take a look and tell me what you think.

Good Luck
2
2
Review of First drum set  
Review by bkies
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a charming little poem. I love the structure with the three short repeating lines at the end of each verse. Nice alliteration with: crash-crash-crash cacophonous. Nice irony with the parents enjoying the drumming with plugs in their ears. I like that the child turns a shovel into a musical instrument. It is basically a positive
poem
because it is
because it is
because it is
3
3
Review by bkies
Rated: E | (4.0)
A very beautiful poem. It captures the strength of the human spirit; someone dying and yet maintaining hope. These lines: one with wit who joked about dimmer switches
even as that switch dimmed even more
leaving us in the dark.;
in particular, caught my attention as being exceptional. Very nice ending where the dimmer dims but the subject shines ever brightly. This is particularly true in the case of a dying parent; their influence lives on through their children.

Maybe you can take a look at a short story I wrote, The Mighty Monarchs (Part 1 and Part 2). It has true facts concerning the monarch butterflies migration from Canada to Mexico but is written as if it could be an animated film. Let me know if it holds your attention.

bkies
4
4
Review by bkies
Rated: E | (3.0)
I enjoyed reading through your poem. The opening alliteration pulls you right in. I was not familiar with the Monchielle form and like the rhyme scheme. I was expecting the fifth line of the 1st verse to be: 'Are all that remain'. To me, it seems a little smoother than 'Are an energy drain' and still fits the rhyme scheme. Pristine blue skies is the perfect description for a sky following a storm. I believe lightening should be lightning. The final verse seems to be symbolic in that both good and bad (flowers and weeds) can grow in the light. Nice little poem.

I was hoping you could take a look at The Mighty Monarchs and let me know if it holds your attention. It is about the monarch butterfly migration from Canada to Mexico. They actually return to the same trees where their ancestors stayed in Mexico. Scientists can still not explain it.

Thanks

bkies
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