Loved that last line. Says so much. The poem reads well, carrying the action along well. The setup and finding out our main character is a rat with a name is easy for the reader (me) to accept and part of the fun. It helped me connect with ongoing tale. Good job.
This is your fault, for being such a productive (almost daily) writer. This piece popped up from my 'read & review' button punch. You have definitely found your niche. Another well polished flash fiction piece meant for the contest you connect with so well.
Some wild action here, the reader has to take on good faith, saved by one of those famous twists at the end. Thanks for taking me along for the ride.
Hmm. Interesting little piece of flash fiction. Puzzle? I have to admit I had to look up 'decapitoled'. Google was no help at all. Should this be 'decapitated?' That would explain the shortness of the file. That is as close as I got to figuring things out.
I like Alice (reminded me of Alice in Wonderland fame) off to a crazy fantasy world. A few technical things like double periods at the end of a sentence and phrasing could be refined to polish this piece off, but they distracted only a little bit from my reading flow. What was happening to Alice is the glue that holds this tale together. A keeper.
I chanced upon this piece of flash fiction when punching the 'read & review' button. Recognizing the author from their posts in a couple of WdC contests, I was immediately curious. The title and description hooked me right away.
It shows the same devilish ingenuity in exposition as what has won contests before. Amazing, how much a few short words can pull a readers mind into a wild ride and leave them flung back into reality, wondering, at the end.
Another 'read & review' time capsule from ten plus years back. I've been here long enough to have seen the prompt and tried my hand at it. I like the simple elegance shown in its use in this tale. That twist at the end reveals a creative mind. Man's finally made it into space. Those tales of aliens are true. So much uncovered in that last paragraph,what fun to dwell upon.
Grabbed me from "What are you doing here straight to the end. Some excellent dialogue between the two main characters. Setting is simple and effectively locked into place. I wouldn't change a thing between those lines. Before that? I felt restless and a little bit bored with what I was reading. Maybe a little bit more show instead of tell? I don't know for sure. Heightened inner dialogue, maybe, to increase the tension? Maybe that is what I felt was lacking. Just my thoughts. Hope this helps.
I enjoyed this visit to early spring. Crocus are the first to arise and show their heads in my own garden's delight. I liked how one flower was humanized with a reflection on how it must deal with growing into its beauty and potential shared with those who helped foster its care.
Always a pleasure to find one of your flash fiction entries posted and left for me to find in the 'read & review' section. (Gotta keep up getting them review points to use in rewards for contests I judge, you know.)
Jackie's running monologue is a delightful commentary on family life. I liked the twist at the end placing blame with the accuser. No scapegoating here.
Stomach churning, heart pounding, sweaty read. Good for cleansing the soul, stripping away the daily grind. What a revelation to find we only meet the inner dark angst of our selves.
First person heightens the sense of drama. Good choice. It adds an immediacy to the unfolding drama of horror going on. There are a few technical issues that distracted me from my reading flow. 'A Women' should be 'A Woman' in the description below the title for example. These are easily fixed with a quick edit. All in all, a good read.
I have heard that life does not exist in a vacuum. Having a companion who can suck up like this one, is surely clean out of sight. It would be wonderful not having to hide one's dirt under the rug but to have such help cleaning up one's act.
After reading this Ode from a Geek about his charged up mechanical marvel I realized my plugging it in a review is unnecessary. It knows how to plug itself.
I noticed you are a new member. Welcome to our writing community. Joining in by posting your work shows how important this use of imagination is in your life. I think you will find this a good second home.
I enjoyed the message relayed through the words of this poem. They are wise and true. Some people share their energy while others take and suck it away. Even recluse writers need a well chosen network of accessible hearts to grow one's chosen craft. Reviewing other's works is one way to scratch each other's backs.
So a note to say I liked what you wrote and to thank you for sharing your talent.
Three lines of thread tightened, tugging at wild imagination. Well caught. The words blurred into seasons flashing, intent with their message of time quickly passing. I plundered them, reading yet again. There it was. I drank from the punch line, enjoying the smile it put upon my face.
A punch on the 'read & review' button shot me into the Twilight Zone, where anything can happen and often does. I was intrigued by the Russian setting. It immediately offered a brooding unknown dark threat.
The twist at the end is unexpected enough to offer a special sense of horror I didn't see coming.
It was fun (a blast from the past) having this short bio pop up when I punched the 'read & review' button. Including photos made it easier to connect with the description of going-on's in your life at that time (2007).
Noticing you are now a (blue) monitor level member in our writing community shows the staying power the site has for those using its services. Thanks for all you and your associates to to make this a second home for the rest of us.
Congrats at earning an Editor's Pick in this issue of the WdC's Comedy Newsletter. The title of your work attracted my attention. "Bloody good," I said and laughed as I finished sinking my teeth into this tale.
Nicely focused imagery within a unique vampire help group context created the necessary jar and twist of delight to bring forth the resulting toothy smile.
Ah. Good ending. Exciting buildup. Excellent piece of flash fiction. I found this by punching the site's 'Read & Review' button and I am glad I did. As a reviewer I wouldn't change a thing. As a reader, the tale was wickedly well wrought. What I liked best was the dangling question at the end as to why the invading men were looking for Marion Yale. It really stares you in the face.
This read like a mind stream of restless energy mentally combating with itself. I like the way it was written in free verse form. The words rushing at each other twisted and turned with pent up emotion. They felt a little confused but that went with the emotional tone being expressed. What I liked best was the ending revealing a basic humanity and imperfection which we all possess.
Welcome, new member to our writing tribe. Posting something so quickly shows how important this craft is in your life. I think you will find this a good second home.
There is a lot of compact action going on in this short narrative. It was fun following the author's imagination along. This whirlwind plot could definitely evolve into a larger work offering more detail and color without losing the reader's interest. There are questions left to be filled in, such as did an earthquake happen causing the rubble?
The word flow read smooth (except for the 3rd person use of 'their' when 'he' or 'she' might be a better choice). I liked the use of the way dialogue and description was mixed. It added color and detail while driving the story line. The problem and resolution held my interest, giving a heartwarming end to the tale.
I can see where pt1 is worthy of more parts to come. Write on.
Combining nature's gift of rain with the will of the Father's gift of love to us all blends the two images into a physical presence. A few simple lines able to paint such a picture into feeling unlocks the innermost treasure of the heart. I liked the prayerful, humble reflection this passage evoked.
The phrasing is raw but well articulated. It lends itself to the demands of an inner searching soul searching God within.
I find myself caught up in this narrative poem, a participant rather than an observer. What will I see next? The flash of photos is keenly inspected with each breath's pause before reading on. I, too, find mystery in the 'why' of stoppage of several generations of flowing water. Questions are always worth observing, aren't they?
The setting with idle conversation beguiles me, as the reader. Youth see's things so differently, with an honesty unbridled by years of well taught etiquette. Only the title and one child's single comment disturbs the perfection of the day. The observation is ignored and put away rather than rebuked, easing the day back into its own absolute charm.
Well done, thank you for sharing your talent.
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