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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bobturn
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2,221 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Reviewing and Judging checklist ------------------------------------------- *CheckB* Experienced writers are held to a higher standard with their skill level. Newer writers are forgiven more common editing mistakes made by beginning writers without my focusing on them. *CheckGr* Well developed themes showing originality over well used ones count. *CheckO* I look for reading flow and give an example of content that may be improved without my offering detailed copy editing. Links to resources offering help may be offered. *CheckY* For further information on my views of reviewing and judging see "Reviewing / Self Editing, "Writing Mistakes and Analzying Poetry  
I'm good at...
*Check* I tend to review and judge as a reader. What part(s) work? What part(s) fall flat? *CheckP* Results reflect personal taste and perceived preferences on how I relate with the work. Writing that offers an emotional impact I relate with (or not) will be featured in my response.
Favorite Genres
romance, horror, fantasy, children's
Least Favorite Genres
erotica
Favorite Item Types
short stories
Least Favorite Item Types
novels, longer works
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
You've got a sound plot going here. The writing flows well. The characters are well recognized and consistent. The ending wraps things up with a satisfying emotional tone.

I don't think adding anything to the mother's role is necessary to the success of the story line. It took me awhile to mull over what was delaying my response to reading what I had read. What came to me was the fact that I was not connecting with the characters because they lacked enough of the human quirks that bring out their personalities.

This is just my suggestion. If others offer the same idea then it might be worth considering. Thanks for letting me view and comment on your work.
2
2
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
What brought me here
A request for a review

What kept me here
Tightly woven prose with riveting emotional play of words

What I liked best
Use of first person. Every phrase is a picture of what can go wrong, when giving to a toxic relationship, hung before the readers eyes.

My favorite sentence was
Life no longer mine, the ghost of us haunted the remains.

Succinct picture portrayed a feeling of fractured self broken in a decaying relationship.

What could be improved
The transition to finding one's inner self felt a bit sudden. The key to no that might be highlighted more.

Summary
This well written prose is very effective in its message. Thank you for sharing it in our online community.


3
3
Review of CHRISTMAS, 1966  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2245821 Unavailable **
A "Invalid Item Review

"My Judging Criteria


What brought me here
A request for a review for a winning Writer's Cramp contest entry.

What kept me here
An engaging personal family Christmas reflection on sharing and gratitude which shaped future holidays to come.

What I liked best
Placing the prompt as the first line added focus and impact. It drew me in as a reader, making me want to read on. Writing this childhood memory in story form created an emotional connection with the unfolding plot.

My favorite sentence was
... imagining the joy on the faces of the five kids on the other side of town.

I especially liked the idea of keeping the gift-giving anonymous and involving others in the community.

It reminded me of how my mother frequently of filled a basket with home-baked goods and left it on a doorstep of a neighbor in need. On the bottom of the basket, there was a note asking for the receiver to fill the basket up and pass it on to another neighbor.

What could be improved
This deserves to be made into a longer work showing what it was like growing up in such a family and possibly self-publishing it during the next holiday season.

Summary
Well written with no technical errors. The plot flowed well from beginning to end with a deeply satisfying ending any reader would enjoy.
4
4
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
What brought me here
A review request interested in a reader's response.

What kept me here
Having grown up with a homemade bunk bed shared with an older brother, I immediately related with the title and summary description.

What I liked best
Keeping the focus on the bunkbed's many uses rather than detailing characteristics of the two boys made the tale more universally appealing.

My favorite sentence was
The little bunk-bed was the repository of so many memories of boyhood.

A great lead-in to the sentences that follow in this paragraph. I savored each one.

What could be improved
The open-ended resolution of where the bunk bed's new home might be left me wondering what your family did with it? Sell, donate? I hope a printed copy of this tale was taped to the bed wherever it went.

Summary
A heartwarming nurturing memory that spans years in offering more to come when rooted in a new young family. A good read.



5
5
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


What brought me here
A return review for one given to me.

What kept me here
The quick left hook of the opening paragraphs offering strange hints of an Atlantis reclaimed.

What I liked best
So much to enjoy it is hard to decide. The quick pace of the drama woven into short strong paragraphs stands out. The technical details added in make this sci-fi thriller a real standout.

My favorite sentence was
"Then we need to notify the authorities, including your ex in Westminster," said Jennifer. "Britain needs to be ready for what is coming," said Jennifer.

Nicely established subplot offering a more subdued and personal vent to the high-cost crisis going on.

What could be improved
Winds of such magnitude and related environmental catastrophes such as tsunami with the possibility of them becoming the size of mountains felt like an additional sentence or two on what kind of warning was being given for what that unavoidable effect might be.

Summary
A very easy and enjoyable emotional rollercoaster ride from beginning to end. I appreciated the note indicating the contest and prompt this tale was written for. Thanks for a fan-tab good read.

6
6
Review of First chapter  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
What brought me here
A click on the 'read & review' button.

What kept me here
I'd entered this contest before and wanted to see what this author's take on it was.

What I liked best
How the main character meets and re-meets the challenging crisis developing in this first chapter.

My favorite sentence was
He rubbed his sore knee, noticing a tear in his favourite jeans, reflecting that at last he was in fashion.

Revealed a whimsical self-identifying moment responding to pain.

What could be improved
Perhaps a bit more emotional drama as a twist to hold the reader captive at the end.

Summary
An easy-flowing and well-developed interplay of drama and interaction kept my interest from beginning to end. Thanks for sharing.
7
7
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
What brought me here
Clicking the 'read & review' button offers diverse entertainment choices. This story offered such a twist.

What kept me here
I liked how the title and description reflected how one person's creative effort inspired someone else's. It hooked me into wanting to read on.

What I liked best
The dramatic life-changing impact and recovery revealed in the plot is quite the roller-coaster ride. Good job.

My favorite sentence was
She made me see that liking girls isn't something I should be ashamed of.

A good teaching moment for the reader.

What could be improved
One lone block of text without the use of white space to separate thoughts and impressions felt daunting to face.

Summary
This riveting tale reveals the emotional impact of finding one's sexual orientation and how to balance that in life. Well done. Write on.



8
8
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (5.0)
A fun quick read for me in the dead of night where fluff and nonsense displaced deeper thoughts. The rhyming pattern comes across as natural and not forced. The imagery is tightly woven and vivid for such a few simple short lines. The content is a bit of well-humored and quizzical playfulness. Write on.
9
9
Review of Corona  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
What brought me here
Came to view some of your work after receiving one from you.

What kept me here
Got hooked by reading the description of this poem shown near the top of your port.

What I liked best
The emotional tone of regret at facing a world like this. There is a vivid depiction of threat left to its own devices which flows and builds from line to line.

My favorite sentence was
The three blind mice of the apocalypse:
Deceit, Denial, Dissonance

I had never heard it put this way before, scrawled into a children's nursery rhyme, bringing it to unimaginable focus.

What could be improved
No technical issues with spelling or style were noted. Easy reading flow without hiccups in choice of phrasing. A difficult controversial subject well met.

It would be interesting to see a poet offering a well-reasoned opposing view not politically biased.

Summary
A sobering reflection of the strange reality we find ourselves in. Too bad, deniers would read this without understanding.

10
10
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
It is always fun to push that 'read & review' button and have one of Wdc's 'Blues' come up. This was an especially tantalizing read because of the awardicon's inscription.

In the mood for a romance (I like to enter the Paranormal Romance Contest), I got ready for a feast and read on.

This simple satisfying tale held a jewel of a nice surprise with the main character finding out ... well, I don't want to ruin things for anyone reading this review who hasn't read the romance yet.

What I liked best was the accident and later and mom's revelation offering the reader questions of what might come next. Those hooks held me captive until the tale's end.

Thanks for sharing a fun good read.
11
11
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)


What brought me here
This is a return review for one the author did for one of my works.

What kept me here
I was drawn to this short story because of a shared interest in the Sci/fi genre. I recognized the prompt as one I had been interested in myself and was curious on the take this author had on it..

What I liked best
The depiction and detail about the planet Mar's with dust, polar water and major volcano came across as very real. The choice of the crisis in the story fit the contest prompt to a 'T'. The explosions and an eruption were easy to visualize.

My favorite sentence was
The popup note after the end of the tale. Impressive calculations revealed the effort the writer went to for accuracy and scientific analysis making this a true Sci/fi adventure in the making.

What could be improved
I would have liked to have seen more personal descriptions of the main characters such as their mannerisms and idiosyncrasies. This addition would making them more engaging and making them come more to life, easier to connect with and emotionally bond with them while reading what happened during this well crafted short story.

Summary
An interesting take on the prompt with realistic events and believable plot made for a good read. Thanks for sharing. Good luck in the contest.

12
12
Review of Prima Ballerina  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice reading flow, message of love and commitment to talent in a young life. I like the strength and focus flash fiction brings. Larger works tend to defuse the message into subplots and episodes to develop character or other aspects of standard writing building blocks. Thanks for sharing and write on.
13
13
Review of Sonic Doom  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
Loved the last line. The musing and reflection was easy to relate with as well. There is a lot of meaning in so few short lines, well expressed with no distracting words or phrases added to fill out space. I saw no technical issues with spelling, grammar or style. The ample use of white space made this easy for online viewing. Thanks for sharing.
14
14
Review of A Gain (short)  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #2245821 Unavailable **
A "Invalid Item Review


What brought me here
A promise to read a review after this poet kindly did the same.

What kept me here
A choice, after checking out this author's port. This title intrigued and hooked me into wanting to read on.

What I liked best
In terms of structure, I liked the formal look and use of white space and use of the repeating line. It adds emotional impact when read with a kind of driving and building force.

My favorite sentence was
Included in the popup note: I am not a native English speaker. You could have fooled me. The use of succinct word use shows clarification of thought many native speakers could well adopt.

What could be improved
Nothing comes to mind. Well written, no technical errors. Worthy of being published as is.

Summary
A free verse poem about not giving up offering several tips on how to do that is worthy of reading over again and kept as need arises. Thanks for sharing your talent.


15
15
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.0)
Always fun to see something new and novel when selecting the WdC site's 'read and review' button. This post is no exception. It reads almost like a movie script. The dialogue is direct and informative without unnecessary description distracting from the reading flow. I liked the crisis offered of a family member being taken to a police station and parents being called. The ending of this episode felt more like a cameo than a short story because of the lack of resolution to the drama written about, at least to this one reader. Thanks for sharing.
16
16
Review of The Coward  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
I found my way here by way of the 'read & review' button, startled by seeing how short this piece of flash fiction was. How could anyone squeeze a good read out of so few words? The awardicon featured at the top of the entry helpfully released any concern. Setting, characterization, drama filled crises and resolution were all there. Good Job.
17
17
Review of Heartache  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
Love your handle. Fits what you do as a writer. This simple free verse strips everything but the essentials out of dealing with troubled relationships. My favorite line - 'You're just more awake'. Pain teaches us, if we but listen rather than stick a numbed out band aid on it with the emotional sore festering underneath, doesn't it? I was a little confused by 'Grow through heartache until reading the following lines. Thanks for sharing. Write on.
18
18
Review of New Becomes Old  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked the evolving story line, introduction and emotionally satisfying acquaintance with Miss Sorensen's resolution of what was important in her life. What I liked best was the very real connection with metaphorical car value and the personal kind within one's heart. I would have liked to have seen more show instead of tell to bond with the story line. All the elements of a top notch tale are here other than that, at least for this one reader. Write on.
19
19
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
I couldn't help myself. Great dialogue, provocative interaction and a teasing sense of probing intimacy and challenge. What's not to like? At chapter 16, I applaud the effort of such a lengthy endeavor. Coming in at this late date, the one thing I missed was a sentence or two offering a summary offering of what this novel idea is all about. No technical problems noted. All in all an enticing experience. Thanks for sharing.
20
20
Review of My Perspective  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this poem when clicking on the 'read & review' button. It always offers variety and a chance to visit the work of new and old members alike. I noticed you recently joined up. Putting your work out so quickly shows how important writing is in your life. I think you will find this a welcome second home.

What I liked best about this short verse was its playful inquisitive reflection on what readers may be looking for. No technical issues and the rhyme flows well across each line. Thanks for sharing your talent.
21
21
Review of Tearful Goodbyes  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.0)
A lot of angst going on with a family's conflicting emotions and a father's affirmation of love. I caught one technical glitch that distracted my reading flow. It is easily fixed.

none that I could se.

what I liked best was the consistent flow of rhyme simply expressed. Thanks for sharing your talent.
22
22
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Adroitly said in flowing stanzas bright with imagery and a seasoned look blending childhood innocence with budding focused talent. The more mature rendition, if this is the reincarnation of that youthful adventure in verse, shows where maturity has flowered in full view. A total pleasure, finding and reading this work. Kudos and silent applause.
23
23
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A surprising story within a story for being chapter bound. Startling buildup of the two main characters by way of their interaction. The structure, buildup and phrasing flowed without pause. It was a delight reading and seeing through the eyes of Ellis. The mini-crisis of overstepping his bounds heightened interest just where a well told tale should. Thanks for sharing.
24
24
Review of Waterlily  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A most tantalizing taste of poetic charm and welcome imagery unfolded to the eyes of this poor reader upon reading this free verse.

Having lived this nature tale from human view in the high mountain lakes a few hours away, it brought that memory alive once more.

My children and I, loving the sight of the water lilies abundance, took some home to our bathtub, intent on having these living companions closer at hand. Overnight, they lost any interest, curled up and died.

How far apart mankind lives from mother nature, unaware it is by our own devising.
25
25
Review of Cupids Asylum  
Review by Bob'n for apples
Rated: E | (4.0)
Saw this offering presented under 'Read A Newbie' and came to explore. Aha. A mind stream flowing from its fountain of inspiration. A rush of mixed phrasing placed a few rocks in my reading path, easily tumbled over in my quest for understanding. My interpretation? Love's brew, once tasted, is a potion uneasily explored. Write on.
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