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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/bobturn/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/6
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Public Reviews
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Review of The strange man  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Welcome to the site. I enjoyed the read. First person made connecting with the main character easier. I liked the buildup and action. There are a few grammar hiccups that distracted my reading. Downloading and using the free version at Grammarly.com might help. It works while typing text on the site or in your word processor. The indecision at the end felt natural. It leaves room for adding more.

Thanks for sharing. Write on.
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127
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (4.0)
That last sentence offering freedom is a yearning of every human heart. Well done. The title and description caught and hooked my attention making me want to read on. There were a few distractions needing spacing after periods and such. The wording itself flowed quite well, carrying me on to that emotionally satisfying end.

Thanks for sharing. Write on.
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128
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (4.5)
No wonder they call it 'kidding'. *Wink* I got a double chuckle out of this fun read. It reminded me of when I took a Piajet (developmental cognitive psychologist) college class. Five year old's have practical minds with an answer pre-made for everything. I asked my little sister what made the sun shine. She said, "It's a light bulb and God turns it off at night."

Not as funny as your two examples of young wit, but an interesting world view, don't you think?

thanks for sharing.
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for entry "My Immortal
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Marvelous read. Found only one hiccup - if one puts there (their) mind to it.

It would make a fine entry in "Paranormal Romance Short Story Contest (which needs more posts to make a contest this month) and meets all of the requirements. Hope to see you there.

<elbow nudge>
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Review of The beginning  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Good grasp of how to use capture a readers imagination. I was hooked by the first sentence. What I liked best is the twists and turns of the plot. A woman from the future bent on changing fate only to have fate change itself is a nice bit of irony. Adding the cause to be only a dog mad about cats added a twist of humor that made me smile.

Some good writing here.
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Review of TOADSTOOLS  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (4.5)
Entries such as this, into flash fiction, surprise me with how much imagery can be painted into so few short words. What I like best is seeing how prompt words inspire a vision outside normal bounds.

I could see this easily mushrooming (pun intended) into a larger work with great ease.

Thanks for sharing.
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Review of sun in de eyes  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Being a novice in matters of poetical structure I was grateful to be pointed towards what a sestina is. I paused in a moment of wonder at this poet's idle moment thinking in such a structured form. The closest I've come to such, is after reading too much Shakespeare, spend the reminder of the day speaking in close parlance.

The imagery in this poem I found strong. I hopped between Albino and Vampire (afterthought - could this being be both?) or a human living just outside of normal in a topsy-turvy shell of a body just enough different from everyone else. I chose the later option. Readers choice *Wink*. All in all a fun romp through a creative mind put into words.

Thanks for sharing.
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133
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
I come here by way of the magic 'Read & Review' button, delighted to see your name. Congratulations on the awardicon. I would have been surprised not to see it adorning the top of this entry. Given by such a well thought of representative host of poetry contests show how well thought of your words are.

What impressed me as much as the short entry was the meticulous and concise description and definition of the poetic form you chose.

Just a short pat on the back. What I like about finding you here and there, is how you are driven not by erstwhile praise but by the inner demon of having to continue writing.

Write on.
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134
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (4.0)
Good dialogue hooked me throughout the read. It felt spontaneous and real. There were only a few hiccups I noticed that disturbed my reading flow. Here's one - I hadn’t stand (stood) a chance.

The setting seemed built in so I didn't mind not seeing much. I usually look for small details about what the main characters look like and what mannerisms they have to help me bond with them. Dialogue helped mask out the need for that. The title and description of this piece did enough of that for me. Good choice.

Thanks for sharing. Write on.
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135
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
<applause> <stomping of feet> <whistles> <clapping> <shouts of wild and crazy 'Bravo'>

"Where do I sign up?"

"Oh. . . I already did? Let me read over that contract again."

Favorite line: humans have become amazingly adept at terrorizing, torturing and destroying themselves and each other in ways our staff had not even imagined,

"There has to be a loop hole in that. If we're so good <laughter>, we should be able to beat the hell out the competition, this world or any other <nods of heads> <chuckles>.

Mind if I steal this speech? <never mind. doesn't matter. I already did> It is better than the acceptance speech I wrote as president of the new world order. I'll have to modify only a line or two, along with its creators while implementing our hostile takeover plan.

Beautifully written, btw.
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for entry "Facing the Shadows
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I went for my 2 A.M. browsing journey and found this poem caught in the thicket of entries on the 'Shadows And Light' poetry contest. "Hmm. Won 1st place."

I read. I savored. I nodded and smiled having lived this same place. "Quite the evocative image portrayed in words."

Noticing the rack of four awardicons, I ventured forth to knock the dust off and take them each in view. "An accomplished artist. Nice meeting you. Thank your muse for me."
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Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Capturing a memory in verse is a stylized way of returning with a visit safely distant. I liked the combined imagery of looking at the past while living in the present. The sense of mental music and song remains a constant companion.

thanks for the enjoyment of letting me follow along.
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138
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
An old man's final wish captured my imagination. Good hook. Adding it in dialogue built the tension between the main characters in quite an effective way.

There are a couple of hiccups I noticed. Here's one - all his color stared (started) draining from him.

Thanks for sharing and write on.
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Review of NOVEMBER HAIKUS  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Haikus are one poetry form I've gotten familiar enough to try my hand at. I liked how these examples kept to the traditional rules. What I enjoyed most was their reflection on mother nature from a personal and intimate point of view. Each one of the five offers that cohesiveness while brandishing its own perception of nature's call.

Thanks for sharing.
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140
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is one exhaustive dialog with one's muse. The template defines every aspect of Stacey's character. Basic elements of setting (police station and job as detective), unresolved crisis (loss of 12 year old daughter) only lacks resolution to complete the scenerio. It sounds like a love interest may be a sub-plot used to develop this into a possible novel. I hope the writer has continued working towards that goal.

thanks for sharing.

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Review of Wedding Jitters  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow. I read, liked it so much I read it again. Simple as that. A quick and deft touch of imagination with a death like grip of emotional twist at the end. I am in awe of how quickly this tale hooked and drew me in. The scene setting is powerful. It sets up the crisis and resolution without giving anything away. Great job.

thanks for sharing
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Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved the nimble play on words chewing through these lines. The mad despair became a haunting refrain behind that lighter song. Good authors are able to twist the key opening the door to other worlds. This short piece does just that with a power bold and pure.

thank you for sharing.
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143
Review of Crow feathers  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
As you are aware I am more a short story follower than poetry. Still, I can appreciate the use of well chosen words. The imagery made present by tossing out all words without intrinsic meaning raise poetry to an art form story telling rarely emulates. Such is the case with this rendition. I enjoyed the inner world view these lines led me to. I wouldn't change a thing.

thanks for sharing.
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Review of Bleak September  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on the Writers Cramp win of the day. This read flowed well with building emotional power. I hardly noticed the prompt words in bold. Phrasing flowed that well. Superb imagery. I also liked the short line structure. It gave strength and clarity to the message.

It deserved the win.
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145
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Another click on 'read & review' brought this bit of history in view. Ah, things were so much easier, better then. Covid19 wore a mask instead of men. Black lives and blue uniforms took a back seat. California climate change could still take the heat. How I yearn for that simple yesteryear when conspiracy theories weren't something so much to fear.
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146
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
What I liked best was the eternal message of love lost. Grieving is a part of every life. There is a hard lesson in learning love is a process and not a static state of being.

The choice of rhyme felt bitter sweet and a little forced. While this emphasized what it feels like to be left alone the poetic phrasing lost some of the flow of poetry I am used to.

thanks for sharing. Write on.
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147
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (4.5)
There is an adventurous spirit expressed in this short mouth watering confection of words. I liked the combination of history where the ingredients came from with the details of how to repeat the tasty decadent results. Adding such imagery as being engrossed by tasting the preparation being mixed together bonded me with the writer. Well done.
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Review of Life After Death  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
This article is an expressive painting in words. Every sentence is riveting in simple phrasing and detail. What I found most interesting was the effect on the writer as if a third echo of the original horrid death event. That last paragraph offers such insight it was as if the writer were the one closest to the meaning worth carrying on through the lives of others.

Thank you for sharing.
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149
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (5.0)
Sort, succinct, easy to understand phrasing with a quotable mantra offering Zen like mental and physical well being.

Reading made my breathing alter, taking in a conscious change of affirmation and awareness. Such a simple realization of just being aware how we move throughout the day can indeed be life altering.

thanks for sharing.
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Review of The sky  
Review by Bob's Alter...
Rated: E | (3.5)
I was confused by finding this short story listed as a contest I could enter on the site's contest page.

My reading flow was a little disrupted by the change in tense from past to present in the first paragraph. Other technical issues noticed would benefit from the writer downloading and using the free version of editing software at 'Grammarly.com'

Hope this suggestion helps. Write on.
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