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Review of Frozen in XOL  
Review by BrokenPen
Rated: E | (4.0)
I liked this story. It is unclear what has happened, but Vana is in trouble! But what are the orbs? It is well written, and powerful with feeling and very good word selection.

My only real complaints are that I don't know what happened or why, and I have a few technical problems with some of the sentences, which I will go into detail below. It depends on whether you like to have an experimental style (which is of course welcome), or if you want to write in a classically correct style. All of these things that I mention are only suggestions. If you feel strongly that it works better as it is, then go with it. You're the writer :)

"Her fear, present and engulfing her, but not felt."
- this sentence is not strictly correct. It should read "Her fear, present and engulfing her, was not felt."
Although, now I think about it, it doesn't make sense. It engulfs her but she doesn't feel it? How is that possible? I guess that she is numb to it somehow, and I see that the next sentence explains that.
"Her fear was present and engulfing, but she felt nothing." is in my opinion better. Or "felt it not", if you like a quirky style.

"Feeling was just the numbness..."
- Again, doesn't strictly make sense. "Her only feeling was the numbness..."

"Nausea fading in began to boil her head combing with the churning of her stomach made her uneasy."
- A powerful sentence with good verb choice, but not correct. "Nausea faded in, and began to boil her head. Combined with the churning of her stomach, it made her uneasy." is my suggestion.

"she desperately tries"
- "tried". Be consistent with tenses.

"one of warmth and familiar"
- Use the noun form "familiarity", or "the familiar".

In two sentences you use the same word - ambiguity. It is better not to repeat words so close together.

Overall, though, a very interesting piece. Well done, and don't be disheartened by my pedantry. I would like this to be as good as it can be, which is very good indeed.
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