|I found this to be a very touching story. No one knows exactly happens to us when we pass on, so I love to read stories that deal with that topic. It is very well written, but I think I can help with a few technical items:
You use "further" a couple of times -- In each case it should be "farther" because it indicates distance
Be careful whenever you use the word "lay" -- When that word is used, an object must be involved (I'm going to lay this pencil down.). If a person is going to take a nap he should say (I'm going to lie down.). Whenever I use any of those words, I take caution. You can "lay" your head down, but where you used that word, I think it should read “He laid his head down.” All of these words are tough to get exactly right.
The use of OK – I prefer “okay.” I think it makes a sentence flow better.
I think you could use a little help with commas, which is always a difficult subject because people have different opinions. One example is “Most of the time Clarence had …” Comma after time. Another would be “At the staff station on the north wing two young women …” Comma after north. I would read each sentence carefully checking to see if commas would help. In your case, I think a few more would help the flow.
Again, I enjoyed the story. Thanks for sharing. It was worth reading and reviewing. I hope that my comments were helpful. I’m new to this site and this is only my second review.