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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/byronwrites
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36 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (5.0)
Great Group,
I'm excited to have arrived at this point of renewal for the group.
I've been poking into the corners and finding more and more.
I may need help learning how to do stuff (attaching group banners to my reviews..etc.) WDC is still sometimes a challenge for me.

Byron
(I never know what to do with GPs, maybe the group will have use for a few of them.)
2
2
Review of Faceless  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Lorenz,

Edgar certainly had an eye for ballerinas.

I liked this. The mis-direct was good, lending just enough confusion to my understanding without making me revolt when the reveal is made(i.e "take your clothes off" instead of "disrobe" a more antiseptic/artistic direction) .

I thought the writing was clear. I read through without any need to re-read anything. Good transitions too.

If anything, I light have liked some insight into the dancer's motivation for being there. Other than that, I don't have any suggestions.

Byron
3
3
Review of STOP (297 words)  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.0)
Laura,

What a touching piece. The internal image of the prose is good. I had great feel for the experience, especially the "wheel of fortune" bit (been there).

If I would have wanted anything, it would have been for the viewpoint character's transition to be highlighted more. From a disconnection to a connection.

But, as I said the writing is good. No waste and very clear transitions.

Good luck tonight.
Byron

4
4
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hey SciFi,

Some thoughts on your story.

I read smoothly and understood what was happening. I liked your using the prompt "train" as "to teach." I never even considered that. I had to stop and consider salt using a liquid measurement. I had to remember to consider space worlds.

In the end I felt I didn't know what was at stake. If he failed to present the banquet what happens? Is he killed or just embarrassed?

Thanks for letting me read your story.

Byron
5
5
Review of Lucy  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sailor M,

I liked the story. I thought you did very well with the "mis-direct". I really got a very good "satisfied reader" feeling.

I feel I'm missing something in the Mary connection. I understand and like what is written, but I wonder if Mary somehow became a victim of the word count. I don't really have any suggestions to make it better that wouldn't require more words. To be honest, I'm getting a truncated feel, like the draft was close to 400.

But, I enjoyed the story as reader. These comments are just "writers writing" type things. And I'm probably flat wrong.

Thanks for the good read.

Byron
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Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
Angela,

I like this one.
In fact, anything I could say would be absolute nit-pick. So, I'm not going to bother.
I like how you went a totally different direction than the rest of us. I like the voice you chose.
Of course, the writing was smooth. No errors to break my immersion in the story.

Nice read, Thanks
Byron
(oh, two prompt entries in one is clever...and economical.)
7
7
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Angela,

Another good story.

The writing is clear. I was pulled through the event nicely. I like it.

The suggestions below are just thoughts of how I might handle it, which is only for perspective or sharing only:

I might name the detective in the first sentence. Might save a "which one is John" question later in the story.

If it is not critical to the solving of the crime, I'd pick another detail beside '10 mile radius' for the second usage...like "mid-town alone" or "east of 103rd" something to add a layer in the readers sense of place.

Finding a business card is pretty convenient, especially for a serial killer erasing victims fingerprints. But, they always make mistakes. Detective John knows this..doesn't he?

Finally, 24 words is a lot. There have been rounds where I would've given a fortune in GPs for just five.

If your like me, you're never really interested in how someone else would write your story, but another writers perspective on storytelling is sometimes a different thing altogether.

Again, the story is good, and I had no problems reading, following, or enjoying it as is.

Thanks for the read.

Byron
8
8
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Just awesome!
9
9
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
Angela,
I liked the story.
I had no problems with clarity or re-reads. I mean that the story read smoothly letting me stay in the story.
I had a great image of the young woman interacting with her cat. I not really a cat person, but was able to place this.
You may have missed an opportunity to further engage the reader by being more specific with the pregnant co-worker. Just adding a name and a short sentence showing Rose as sympathetic would add a layer.
I totally appreciated the boyfriends romantic gesture.
Keep writing. Especially for the Challenge. I love when the board is full for a round. My writing has improved so much since I started writing flash here.
Thanks for the read.
10
10
Review of Run Down  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
Bob,

Good story. The scenes you painted were clear. I followed easily. I maintained clarity even in the final twist. I was in the story.

There is a "feel" that published works have that I am desperately trying to achieve. I think it comes from suspending reality and being in the story. This piece somehow has that knack. Now, if you could bottle it.

On the day I wake from that dream, I'm calling in.

Byron
11
11
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice work Bob,
I liked how quickly you set the scene and put the reader into the period using details instead of saying "late 19 century."
The stuffiness of the critic gives a sounding board for the reader and is entertaining.

Good work.
Speaking of what is the world coming to, did you read xXx today. There's a writer there!

Byron
12
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Review of Swing  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
Bob,

Nice story.

I liked how Rosie took a relaxed approach to his son's baseball career. Probably, because he knew the realities of sports through little league, high school, college/travel leagues, and finally professional.

I liked how you showed Brandon's reluctance to take advice from his dad. Torn between wanting to please him and to be independent of him. Still, he looks for his dads eyes in his success.

It's the human element that makes these stories shine.

I had to read the barber shop sentence twice. I understand why it's there, but I had to read it twice.

The story might benefit from some action in the second paragraph. Show Brandon pop-out or something to get the baseball started sooner.

Thanks for the read.
Byron
13
13
Review of Wild Weed  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice work Bob,

I liked Olivia. I couldn't figure out her age and my mental scene kept alternating between a child and a mid-teen. The work is short enough that was a distraction so much as a layer.

You got me with "precociously advanced" as I wondered if that was the right connotation for the situation, then Olivia corrects her and I smiled at having fallen for another "layer/twist".

Thanks for the read.

Byron
14
14
Review of Heat  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
Bob,
Your writing is so tight.
I had to smile at this one. My wife and I watch a lot of food TV together since, well, basically it's the only TV I'll watch.

So, I got the vocabulary and the rivalry between American and French trained chefs. The final twist had me though. I didn't see that coming and it had me smiling. Imagine a truck stop with handmade dressings instead of two gallon tubs of mayonnaise.
15
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Review of Journey  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
Lovely, Bob, just lovely. The opening two paragraphs not only set introduced the characters beautifully, they also painted a perfect picture of the scene. While the conclusion gave the reader a warm sense of their years together.

I've had critiques on other sites tell me there is no room for that type of "pretty" description in a flash piece, but you've proved that it not only can be done, there are times it should be done. Good job!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Harry's Prairie  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Arakun, when I saw your story featured in the Short Story Newsletter I was eager to read it.
I liked it. It read sort of light. Happy. I got a bit nostalgic at the opening with the ladies having cold drinks together. (I'm old enough to remember the suburbs before there were six foot privacy fences and automatic garage door openers.) It set a good scene and a good tone.


Of course, the story read smoothly. I didn't have any re-reads for clarity.

The positions of the farmer and academic are well made and in a sense they are both right. Still, you wouldn't have to lean on it very hard to make an opinion piece out of it.

Anyway, nice story. Thanks


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Sheets  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: E | (4.5)
I like it. I liked yesterdays, this is even better. I might have liked more correction of the station nurse, just to reinforce the "take charge" aspect. But, hey, 300 words.
18
18
Review of Mirror Images  
Review by ByronWrites
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Mirror Images
I just read this in the Daily Challenge and thought I'd let you know what I thought. I'm not sure if "Reviews" are the same as "Critiques" on this site, so this will be light.

I liked the story. I thought it read smoothly. I didn't have any double takes or read backs. The story pulled me through it nicely. I participate in the challenge when I have time and love to see what others do with the prompts. I like where this went. Good story.

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