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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/candlelight65
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14 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of Flagstaff  
Review by Ghost
Rated: XGC | (4.0)
Heyo!

I really enjoyed your story. I think you did a good job of building the town. You were able to give the town a reasonable backstory while still maintaining the eerie and almost otherworldly setting. The way you described it and the reveal of the townspeople were all done very well. It was all very suspenseful and very entertaining to read.

I particularly like how you described the house and the general store. I've been around places like that and that sense of decay and "ambient" (for lack of a better word) malevolence is hard to communicate with written words. I think you did it well and added a lot of suspense to the story in the process. Awesome job!

I really only have one complaint and it's pretty minor. The ending felt rushed. Like, McKenzie wakes up to find everyone dead and I was thinking, "That was a cool setup. I wonder where the author... oh, and that's the end." It wasn't a bad place to stop, but the way it was executed felt very abrupt. I feel like drawing out the actual act of going upstairs, maybe showing some of what she was thinking or feeling would've helped provide a better ending.

All in all, this was a great story to read. Whatever issues I had were easily overshadowed by the things you did well.
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Review of Vengeance.  
Review by Ghost
Rated: 13+ | (2.5)
That was certainly an interesting read. I like the set up with the killer and how he finds his victims.

However, with only 300 words, I feel like it was lacking in detail and characterization. It didn't really feel like a story as much as just a collection of events listed off. I knew little of substance about the killer and nothing about the likely victim, plus the whole ending with the killer dying just felt out of place, like it was just a random set of lines to end the story instead of something that was meant to be there. Without any of tha, there wasn't really anything to get me invested in what happens and, without that, the story fell flat.
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Review by Ghost
Rated: E | (2.5)
Well... Honestly, I'm not quite sure what I think. On one hand, you have a lovely story concept. I like the idea of a ghost that just wants its story told, and an author transcribing it.

However, I think that the execution was severely lacking. The decision to not add a specific setting or describe the world at all left me kinda lost. There was no sense of time or direction. Even a lot of the emotion was missing as a result. That, coupled with some awkward dialogue made it really hard to read and enjoy.

Over all, I think the concept is great. However, the execution leaves much to be desired.
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Review by Ghost
Rated: E | (4.0)
Very nicely done. I have to say I really enjoyed reading your story. The conclusion was satisfying and the atmosphere was fun, while still keeping an air of mystery. I also loved the characters and admire how much personality you were able to give them.

My only real complaint was that some of the sentences were a bit awkward to read. I understand that you had to keep it to exactly 20 sentences. However, the large amount of compound and complex sentences made it a bit of a chore reading in places. For other projects, I'd definitely recommend varying your sentence structure.

All-in-all, very nicely done.
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Review of Tea Time  
Review by Ghost
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is a good story. I thought it was very entertaining and had distinct, fascinating characters. I would love to read a finished version of this story.
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Review of Why?  
Review by Ghost
Rated: E | (2.0)
So... I'm not quite sure what to think of this. On one hand, these are unsettling questions. They are questions that I have asked many times before. They are also questions that are deeply rooted in philosophy.

All of that said, I really am not sure about the writing. On one hand, you have the bones of a very compelling poem. There are rhythm and tone. However, there isn't much in the way of structure, and it definitely doesn't work as a story.
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Review by Ghost
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
That was a fun story to read. It had a unique story that kept me interested. It wasn't overly exciting, but it didnt have to be. The characters and their interactions were enough to keep in invested in what was happening.

The only thing I'd criticize is the random lines you inserted between some of the paragraphs. There didnt seem to be a reason for them, and they were quite distracting.
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Review by Ghost
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
That was an interesting story. It's different from what I've read before.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about the ending. I had a hard time keeping track of the secondary characters (who was who and what they were doing). However, I will admit that I am reading this late at night. As a result, the confusion may very well be my fault and not that of the story.

Over all it was a good, different read.
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Review by Ghost
Rated: E | (4.5)
And lo, the trend continues. The past few times I've been on this site, I've run into stories that hit a little too close to home for comfort. This was definitely encouraging in the sense that it addresses a common issue while offering hope for the future.

That said, I would suggest slowing down the end. After the woman is found the first time, it feels like the rest of the story is rushed, which is unfortunate. I would love to see how her life improved instead of simply being told that it improved. However, that is mostly personal preference, and the story is overall very well done.
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Review of Inner demons pt1  
Review by Ghost
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It was definitely an interesting start. I can relate to all of this a bit more than I care to admit or go into. However, if you continue writing the way you did with this, you will have a good story.

That said, one thing I would suggest. It is that you make the next parts longer, or at least more like a complete part. This was just enough to get me hooked, which is fine. However, the sudden ending was felt quite abrupt and left me feeling a little cheated. It didn't really work as a cliffhanger.
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Review of I will wait  
Review by Ghost
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
I would love to read more. This shows a lot of potential and has few if any grammar errors from what I can see.

Now, I know this is a short story, and that brings me to my critique. This doesn't really work as a short story. It has a beginning, but no real middle or end. Without those, I'm left feeling cheated at the end.

Basically, what was there was super engaging and kept me reading. However, the ending was abrupt and failed to actually conclude the story.
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Review by Ghost
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, that was fun to read. I don't think I've ever read a story where the aliens are landing in a historic time period instead of our current one and, have it be from their point of view. I like that and can't wait to see what you do with the setting. The characters were also interesting. On that note, I wonder if her opinion of humanity will cause issues further down the road.

The only real issue I found was a hand full of punctuation issues. While they didn't make it too hard to read, missing quotation marks or the wrong punctuation (at least i'm guessing that's what it was) made pieces of the story hard to read. Though, like I said earlier, the errors weren't so bad that I couldn't read and enjoy the story.

Overall, I can't wait to read more. :)
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