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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/candlelight65
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10 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Tea Time  
Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is a good story. I thought it was very entertaining and had distinct, fascinating characters. I would love to read a finished version of this story.
2
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Review of Trash Heap  
Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: E | (3.5)
Alright, I have to say that this one of the best political writings I've read in a while. It gets to the core of what's going on, without turning into mindless ramblings about how "Cheeto Man = Bad". The imagery and pacing were both good. Your thoughts were logical and laid out in a reasonable manner.
3
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Review of Why?  
Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: E | (2.0)
So... I'm not quite sure what to think of this. On one hand, these are unsettling questions. They are questions that I have asked many times before. They are also questions that are deeply rooted in philosophy.

All of that said, I really am not sure about the writing. On one hand, you have the bones of a very compelling poem. There are rhythm and tone. However, there isn't much in the way of structure, and it definitely doesn't work as a story.
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Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
That was a fun story to read. It had a unique story that kept me interested. It wasn't overly exciting, but it didnt have to be. The characters and their interactions were enough to keep in invested in what was happening.

The only thing I'd criticize is the random lines you inserted between some of the paragraphs. There didnt seem to be a reason for them, and they were quite distracting.
5
5
Review of Imagine That  
Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
That was a fun story and heartwarming story. I like how the two people interact. It felt very real when compared to other stories like this.

The only real issue I saw was a few grammar issues. However, those were few and far between.
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Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
That was an interesting story. It's different from what I've read before.

I'm not quite sure how I feel about the ending. I had a hard time keeping track of the secondary characters (who was who and what they were doing). However, I will admit that I am reading this late at night. As a result, the confusion may very well be my fault and not that of the story.

Over all it was a good, different read.
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Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: E | (4.5)
And lo, the trend continues. The past few times I've been on this site, I've run into stories that hit a little too close to home for comfort. This was definitely encouraging in the sense that it addresses a common issue while offering hope for the future.

That said, I would suggest slowing down the end. After the woman is found the first time, it feels like the rest of the story is rushed, which is unfortunate. I would love to see how her life improved instead of simply being told that it improved. However, that is mostly personal preference, and the story is overall very well done.
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Review of Inner demons pt1  
Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
It was definitely an interesting start. I can relate to all of this a bit more than I care to admit or go into. However, if you continue writing the way you did with this, you will have a good story.

That said, one thing I would suggest. It is that you make the next parts longer, or at least more like a complete part. This was just enough to get me hooked, which is fine. However, the sudden ending was felt quite abrupt and left me feeling a little cheated. It didn't really work as a cliffhanger.
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Review of I will wait  
Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
I would love to read more. This shows a lot of potential and has few if any grammar errors from what I can see.

Now, I know this is a short story, and that brings me to my critique. This doesn't really work as a short story. It has a beginning, but no real middle or end. Without those, I'm left feeling cheated at the end.

Basically, what was there was super engaging and kept me reading. However, the ending was abrupt and failed to actually conclude the story.
10
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Review by Mountain Drifter
Rated: E | (4.0)
Well, that was fun to read. I don't think I've ever read a story where the aliens are landing in a historic time period instead of our current one and, have it be from their point of view. I like that and can't wait to see what you do with the setting. The characters were also interesting. On that note, I wonder if her opinion of humanity will cause issues further down the road.

The only real issue I found was a hand full of punctuation issues. While they didn't make it too hard to read, missing quotation marks or the wrong punctuation (at least i'm guessing that's what it was) made pieces of the story hard to read. Though, like I said earlier, the errors weren't so bad that I couldn't read and enjoy the story.

Overall, I can't wait to read more. :)
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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/candlelight65