I enjoyed reading your work and look forward to seeing where you go from here. I hope the feedback below is helpful.
-Format: formatting could be improved as the extra long spaces between sentences and/or paragraphs is extremely long in some places. This slows the pacing.
-The hook could be developed a bit more. I didn't feel the need to continue reading and learn more about what happens next.
-World building could use some work. For example, the section where you speak of the castle. There is nothing to go on to tell the reader more, to help them see the castle. The cliff: What did they see, smell, taste even?
-Characters: could be fleshed out a bit more. For example, the introduction of Katherine leaves room for more details. Why did she start hunting dragons at the age of 7? Tell us more about the clan.
-Plot: Good idea for the plot. I love a good dragon tale.
First off, let me say I love the story you're working on. Since reading chapter 22, I realize I need to go back and read chapters 1-21.
I've received a couple of good critiques since joining WDC which gave me an idea for improving mine. I hope this is helpful.
Positives
-The plot is intriguing.
-Characters are well developed, with some conflict which builds the characters even more.
-Dialogue is strong, gives enough detail to move the story forward without being so long readers will skim over it. I'm especially struck by this line: "There’s nothing amoral about genocide! How many people will die for your utopia?".
-The conflict develops even further when the warning about the tunnels is given. It amps up the suspense when Jace boldly ignores it at the end of the chapter.
-The world is interesting and well described.
-Pacing is perfect.
Negatives
-There are a few areas where descriptions of a characters mindset or an emotion are told not shown. I only mention this as I do the same thing, especially in first drafts.
Fantastic job! Will definitely be reading more of your work!
This is a heartfelt, sweet story. The dialogue is catchy and definitely shows the personality of each character. Pacing moves along at a good clip which propels the reader forward fairly quickly.
The only developmental area is descriptions, which given this is a 300 word flash fiction, it's understandable that something had to go, right? However, I would have loved to see the descriptions of what the bear looked like on day 1 then both of characters at the end.
Beautifully, and tastefully written especially about such a traumatic event in history. Pacing is perfect. The stark contrast in the age of the characters adds to the depth of your story. I love the advice you end with--I couldn't agree more.
Absolutely love this. You paint vivid descriptions with words. Love the characters, the world, and the plot. The description of the garden in the city is well done as are Zayda's reactions. Well done!
Beautiful! Love your descriptions, the dialogue, the world, and the characters. I love Rebecca--you've definitely nailed child behavior and dialogue. Such a sad but uplifting, hopeful story. Brought a tear to my eye.
I love this! Melancholy yet hopeful. Beautiful descriptions. As I get older I get more reflective and enjoy the world around me more than I did as a younger adult.
Love this! You've definitely got an interesting piece. The first chapter is a great hook to draw readers in. Imagery is vivid and beautifully painted with words. Pacing is perfect. Your world makes me want to learn more. The final sentence of your work adds to the suspense and tension that has been building from the beginning. Beautifully done.
Great sense of suspense that builds throughout. Pacing is spot on for a short story. Love that you've taken an everyday object and turned it into something completely different, something hypnotic, to be feared. Ulster seems to be obsessed with it. To be honest, it reminds me of the television show Alfred Hitchcock Presents. Well done. Truly enjoyed it.
You've definitely written a short horror/mystery here. It reminds me of Quantum physics in a way. The cat is dead but not dead in another dimension. It begs to be expanded.
Your descriptions are sharp and concise. The pacing amps up the suspense. It has me wondering what really happened.
I love this poem. You've shared your experience which echoes that of many people diagnosed with mental health problems. I have depression and ADHD. I had little understanding or appreciation for the struggle people go through until then.
I applaud your use of descriptions which capture the essence of some mental health symptoms. The void, emptiness, self doubt, and falling into that pit of despair which swallows us whole.
You've handled a sensitive topic with dignity and grace. You touch on a topic that many steer clear of. Trauma is so common in our world but not addressed in the way it should be. Five stars. Enjoyed it a great deal.
I have to admit I loved your poem. It reminds me of rap in the sharp, decisive way each line is written. It is powerful, descriptive and catchy. Thank you for sharing with us.
I absolutely adore this story! It captures the heart of family, love, and enduring relationships. You've built a world I'd love to visit, characters I want to know. Beautifully written, poetic in nature, descriptive, and emotional. You touch on grief, loss, and life with tact and compassion. Well done!
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