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Public Reviews
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1
1
Review of The Seeing Stone  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi Sir Various,

Iam Cath I am a student reviewerw with the PDG I just read {iteam:1878185}and would like to give you a review. These are only my opinons you can use or not.


APPEAL:
Those who like to read about magical stones will like this tale.

WHAT I LIKED:
It moves along at a nice pace and holds the reader‘s attention.

HOW THIS POEM MADE ME FEEL:
A bit sad that one cousin thought he had to kill the other one.

TITLE:
Your title caught my eye and drew me in. It made me curious to discover what this tale was about.

FORMAT: This is easy to read and comprehend.

SETTING:
You used a nice balance of imagery and well written words that made me feel as if I am there.

GRAMMAR AND PUNCTUATION:
My editing skills are not the best in the world, yet I try my best to let the author know if something looks out of place, misspelled or missing. Seems to be alright.

DIALOGUE:
The dialogue sounds natural. I know who is speaking without the overuse of dialogue.

Dialogue:
Is well written and your word choice is excellent. With that being said.
Some of your sentences need to be combined so the dialogue flows smoother.
See how that flows.
Writing dialogue can be difficult and confusing at times.
Is a conversation between two or more people; and conversation between characters in a drama or narrative.
The lines of dialogue or passages in a script that are anticipated to be articulated.
Music is dialogue a composition or passage for two or more parts, expressive of intimate interaction.
When I first dialogue was the hardest thing for me but worked on it.

Overall:
I really liked it.

2
2
Review of HOPES AND DREAMS  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Mysitic Angel

I am Cath I am with the Paper Doll Gang ands I just read [item:1888687}. I would like to revview it. These are only my suggeations opinoions,you can use them or not.


Point of View:

About someone who has hopes and dreams your hopes and dreams.

Why did you not state some of your hopes and dreams?

As a reader I wanted to know.

We all have hopes and dreams as with in ourseleves that drive us to live each and every day. Whene a hope or dream is lost it can make some people do things they would not do.

No one can know what the future will bring all I know is we can not lose our hope and dreams.


Favorite Lines:

"My soul searches"

"My future I can not foretell"


Setting:

A wondering mind. Searching for something deep in the soul.

Flow:

Smooth and easy for the reader to read.

Overall:

I love the poem.


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3
3
Review of Grandma's Woods  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Freja

I am Cath Iam with a student reviewer with the PDG. I just read "Grandma's Woodsthese are ony my suggestions you can use or not.

Your story is interesting with the fantasy element in it. With that being said.

Mechanics:

Sentence Structure:

Is choppy and short. That makes flow of the story hard for the reader to read.

EX:

I was really getting scared. “This guy is crazy. "There are no trolls, or cliffs and villages. This is my Grandma's backyard. Who are you?" If he doesn't answer this time, I'm leaving.

Suggestion:

I was really getting scared that guy is crazy. "There are no trolls, or cliffs and villages; this is my Grandma's backyard.
You use way too many periods. That makes the flow of the story hard for the reader to read.

Dialogue:

You need more of it.

Writing dialogue can be difficult and confusing at times. Short sentences make the flow for reader hard because they are choppy.

Is a conversation between two or more people; and conversation between characters in a drama or narrative.
The lines of dialogue or passages in a script that are anticipated to be articulated.
Music is dialogue a composition or passage for two or more parts, expressive of intimate interaction.
When I first dialogue was the hardest thing for me but worked on it.

Grammar:

Is ok.

Characters:

Need more development. Who are Laerke, Nuadar and Grandma?
What are they?


Suggestion:

My suggestion is read through this again work on what I suggested it could be the beginning of a book.




4
4
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
I am Cath I just read {b-item:} I would like to offer a review.I am a student reviewer with the PDG. These are only my thoughts and suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.








Dialogue:

Is well written and your word choice is excellent. With that being said.

Some of your sentences need to be combined so the dialogue flows smoother.

EX:

"So what was it?” she asked. “You don’t want to know. Trust me.” “Ben, you know we don’t keep secrets from each other. Tell me.” And since they didn’t, he did."

See how that flows.

Writing dialogue can be difficult and confusing at times. Short sentences make the flow for reader hard because they are choppy.

Is a conversation between two or more people; and conversation between characters in a drama or narrative


The lines of dialogue or passages in a script that are anticipated to be articulated.

Music is dialogue a composition or passage for two or more parts, expressive of intimate interaction.

When I first dialogue was the hardest thing for me but worked on it.




POV:

I was drawn to this piece because of the title. The Black Cape and Top Hat. This is a story that tells of a man who is preoccupied by the death of his best friend when he was a young lad, either by dogs, or a person in a Dark Cape and Top Hat.
The story is well written and refined. It is by nature, a fast paced read and you have been true to that principle in order to engage the reader and summon in them an emotional reaction.

It is all-knowing, and well written to capture Corry's scene, then the discussion between Ben and his wife, and the meeting with the man in the Dark Cape and Top Hat, and eventually, Ben's own mauling.

The POV, I feel, is consistent and appropriate for the tale.

Settings:

The settings include explicit descriptions of Corry's death, as well as Ben's death. However, I felt that there could have been a little more even though I could envisage the incidents. The discussion between Ben and his wife takes place over breakfast and the scene where he meets the killer is also quite vivid.

Characters:

The characters are well known to you, as the writer. You don't really describe Ben and Mindy. However, the way they speak and act are enough of a description for me to know that they are middle aged, that Ben is a cop so he must be law abiding. It made me think that he became a cop in order to solve this case. When I read a story, I don't want to read about just any somebody, I want to read about an interesting somebody and Ben is interesting because you have given him a major problem. How will he react? All of his actions must relate to this man in the Dark Cape and Top Hat. And the killer is as homo fichus should be; larger than life and larger with everything. The fact that he rips his victims, and that he appears only as a shadow at times, is also large in my eyes.


Mechanics:

The story works well because you have taken the nature of a short story and used it's natural brevity to capture what could have been written in over two or three chapters. The brevity of short stories meaning that there is only room for one plot really, whereas a novel might have several subplots. Also, with the short story comes brevity of character. You must describe the character by using one aspect instead of a dozen smaller aspects. You did this well.

The Hook:

The first line should have contained a hook, but sadly it didn't, however, by the end of the first scene I was hooked through the dialogue. I felt that the hook could have been stronger.

Suggestions:

I would like to say that some of the story could have been SHOWN a lot more than simply telling. Especially the scene that begins:
"When Ben was seven years old he witnessed a terrible sight...when really they don’t." I felt this scene could have been expanded on with more weight. I didn't feel involved. I was like an outsider, where I would have liked to have been on the inside.

The line that ends...he continued, baring a mouthful of long, yellow pointed teeth, “your imagination.” For me, this was the core, the entire point of the story. You left everything to the imagination.

A couple of lines

“A dream?” Mindy asked. (no tag required)

And since they didn’t, he did. (this line is not required)


He was sure it had to be Corey, but it looked too big to be Corey. (no need to use Corey's name twice)

But Corey didn’t answer. (Couldn’t answer.)(Would never answer.)

The seven-year old’s body had been violently ripped apart, his blood still dripping (delete STILL) (Should be OLD not Old’s)


When Ben finished his story, sans the gory details, Mindy just shook her head. (Delete JUST



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5
5
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Moo


I am Cath I am a review student with the PDG. I just read "A Childhood Memory I would like to offer a review. These are only my thoughts and suggestions. Feel free to use them or not.




Vision:

“This ornament showed the cowboy looking as if he and the horse had ridden their last mile together years before. The cowboy was bowlegged, weak in the knees, and had wore a goofy expression on his face. The horse wasn’t in any better shape. He suffered from the weak knees, the sunken back, as well as a forlorn expression. The two made a good pair. For years they sat on the shelf together where no one paid any more attention to them except for their weekly dusting.”

This is what the whole story is about.




Characters:


Main: The old ornament. Although it is an adamant object it carries the emotions of this family.

Minor: Tex Carl and Sean comic relief.



Opinion:


The title is nonspecific, but in conjunction with the description I'm sure the many readers probably can relate to their own childhood. I do think it would want the readers to find out if their younger recklessness were 'as bad or inferior to yours. Of course, I have childhood memories to call to mind.
When I'm reading this story, I'm really feeling like you're telling a story to someone. It's a exceptional memory with clear details. My only recommendation is to read a few of the sentences at a time, to see if you can flesh out a couple of places where it jumps in time a little.



Suggestions:


Paragraph 5, so there were leafs everywhere including, even in the pool. If you're using including (leave out even in) the pool leaves, (you've used leafs several times each of these needs to be changed to leaves)

Overall:

Memories are personal and you let us into your life with one thank you. I enjoyed this story keep writing.


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6
Review of Pain Again  
In affiliation with The Brainstormers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Viv


Just read
 Pain Again  (E)
This is my way of banishing pain & giving an idea about me & my daily challenges.
#1791297 by dog pack:saving4 premium renew
I would like to review. These are just my thoughts.

OVERVIEW

I can understand how you feel. Not in the same situation but I know all to well the pain of everyday life. You go through more then I remember one day at a time. The things we go through every day.

The strength you have I could never have you are a fighter I have no fight left in me. You write with so much emotion I feel what you feel. I can feel you being lonely at times when you want work on here and cannot. It is hard I know.

Viv you are in a class of your own and that says something right there.

Thank you for sharing.



7
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Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi B Scholl

I just read
 Daughters and Fathers  (E)
Lois's fear realized. Tom was needed as a fill-in... on stage.
#1716983 by BScholl
.


I loved it What Father will not do for a daughter. I wish my dad would have done stuff like that with me. It is nice to see kids and parents together at events like that. That is something your daughter will remember the rest of her life.


Thank you for letting me read your writing.
8
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Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tim

I just read
 Your Wondrous Hands  (E)
"The graceful hands of my partner..tastefully..picking..stylish clothes..." a poem
#1729700 by Tim Chiu
.

I love your poem. Hands are one of the greatest things we have. We can hold a crying baby to calm. We can hold another hand as we walk. Hands have a healing touch. You discribed how you feel very well.

Thank you for letting me read your writing.
9
9
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Kathie

My name is Cath.

I just finished reading {item:1380475 }. I will now review.

This review is my opinion and suggestions. You may use them or not.

STRONG POINTS

Babies are wonderful you wrote what your heart was feeling. I myself never was lucky enough to become a mother .


POINTS HARD TO UNDERSTAND

None

SENTENCE STRUCTURE

None
OVERALL

You are blessed.

Thank you

For letting me read your writing.
10
10
Review of Dismissed  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Arty,

I understand all to well what you are going through. Just have to keep going though you may feel down and out right in today's world. I am still wondering why I quit my job but i know it was the best thing for me.

Good Luck.
11
11
Review of The Watermelon  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Tim

I love this I really felt like I was eating a watermelon. Your discrition is perfect.

This is a wonderful piece of writting.
12
12
Review of Whatever  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*CoffeeR*Hi (s-user:Oakes)


I am Cath and I just read "Whatever and now I am going to be review it.



*ButtonV*What is the meaning of your writing

Whatever about a man who was in love with a woman who seemed did not care. They remained friends for years.
They had fight did not talk for six months. One day she called him and out the blue asked to dinner. He was exicted he went out only to find her killed by a gang member for initiation into the gang.



*ButtonV*What kind of emotion is described and how the reader feels it.

The emotion at the end of the story the man loses it. But throught most to the there was little strong emotion.
I felt like the man cared for a woman who could have caredless about she was just leading him on.



*ButtonV*Characters and Plot

I felt the characters could have been stronger. Maybe make the man not so dependent on the women for his emotional state. Maybe make the woman more caring toward the man.

The plot I feel was a woman who could have control over a man and drive to be driven to be a killer. Though he was stopped he lost himself.



*ButtonV*Sentence Structure

I felt the sentences were unsmooth at times.


*ButtonV*Overall

I felt the story was a little confusing at times. I would have liked to have more back story.


*Smile*Thes are only my opinion and suggestions and, that is all they are. Thank you

for letting me enjoy your writing.


This was reviewed by a member of The Paper Doll Gang.


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13
Review of The Diner  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*CoffeeR*Hiturtle




I am Cath and I just read "The Diner and now I am going to be review it.




*ButtonV*What is the meaning of your writing

A shy young man who is intrested in a young waitress who works in the diner. He comes in and watches her.

He is afraid to show hefr his love he has for her. She watches him also she wonders why he is always alone.

I like that you showed the attaction between them.




*ButtonV*Whatkind of emotion is described and how the reader feels it.


The young man is nervous he always sit by himself. I could feel the conflict he feels.

The watress also feeling.

I felt both of their emotion the looks they give eah other. The conflict of them both I felt.




*ButtonV*Characters and Plot


The characters were true to form.

The plot was well thought out.




*ButtonV*Sentence Structure


Your sentence structure has no problems that I saw.


*ButtonV*Overall



This story is well written. I like it funny how true to life this could be.




*Smile*Thes are only my opinion and suggestions and that is all they are. Thank you for letting me enjoy your writing.



This was reviewed by a member of The Paper Doll Gang.


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14
14
Review of Are We There Yet?  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Kyle,

My name is Cath and I will be reviewing "Are We There Yet." This is only my opinion the suggestions that I give. If you would like to use them if you wish to.


Purpose: They had to leave where they lived. I think this needs to have more detail.
Where they from? Why did they have to leave?


Theme & Conflict: Jacob was woken by an errant circuit so he would go and talk to his parents. He knows that he will not get to see them when they get where they are going.
You wrote "Just know that I've been with you the whole time, just not like you thought."
Maybe you could explain why his parents would feel this way. It would explain why Jacob feels this way.


Pacing: The story flowed right a long.


Overall: You showed Jacob's emotion well. This is written well. I enjoyed this story.

This was reviewed in Affiliation with The Paper Doll Gang Reviewer's Group.


Cath

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15
15
Review of STARS AND GHOSTS  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Sherri,

Well writting strong emotion. I myself know some ghosts.

Write On

Turkey Lurkey

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16
Review of All Of Me  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Kings,

Well written strong with conviction. I hear your love and know it is true. It would be nice if everyone could find this kind of love once in their lifetime.

Keep writing.

Turkey Lurkey

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17
17
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Amy,

Well written.

I think it could more backstory on why she could not phase into a wolf.

I can hear the emotion in her voice.

Keep writing.

Turkey Lurkey

Cath the Purple Unicorn

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18
18
Review of So Little Time  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Finn,

This is great I love the hope the star had. I also like the fact that the started it's life, lived it's life, then in the end the little snowflake it became went quietly. The full circle of life.

Strong writing and you discribe well.

Keep wriring.

Turkey Luckey

Cath the Purple Unicorn

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19
19
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Audrey,

No I don't know the secret of life and I am not sure I want to know.

The question is interesting not one that can be answered in one word. It is good to see you like to write and wonder what could be.

Keep Writing

*Ghost*Cath the Purple Unicorn

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20
20
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Janice,

I know the pain of depression and I understand all too well. I am Bipolar. I also have Kidney Disease, Parkinson's and I am a Diabetic. I know these words myself.

Your writing is with strong emotion and conviction. You descibe your feelings well.

Keep Writing.

*Ghost*Cath the Purple Unicorn

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21
21
Review of Being First  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Turtle,

I remember that day I was food shopping and over the sperker came that the shuttle had exploded the store got quiet. No one knew what to do.

Your writing is strong and you describe well. I hear the emotion in your writing. It is hard to lose a friend but remember her in your heart.

Nice Job, Keep Writing.

Shy Ghost

*Ghost*Cath the Purple Unicorn

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22
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Review of Learning to Swim  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (4.5)
It hard to admit that you can't do something and it is harder for a man to admig it. I found this funny and well written.

Nice Job

*Ghost*Cath the Purple Unicorn


{review:1818053
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Review of Daddy, It's me  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Restless Soul,

I wish you knew how your words effected me. My dad had Parkinson's Disease which is a horrible disease.Your words are powerful and full of emotion. I know what you went through as I helped my mom take care of my dad. I remember the first time my dad forgot who I was. I have Parkinson's I know what I am in for.

I am sorry for your loss. It hurts just know that you will always have him in your heart.

Once again Strong Emotional Writing.

Keep Writing.

Invalid Review

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Rated: E | (4.0)
Interesting I can't say you are wrong but I dol not agree with all of this poem. You make your own hope.

Your writing is strong with passion for your subject you write with conviction

Nice Job Keep Writing

Cath the Purple Unicorn

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25
Review of My Tormentor  
In affiliation with The Rockin' Reviewers  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
yusuf,

OMG I could have written this in fact I write like this. Powerful, emotional it struck a nerve deep in my soul. It is hard to understand why we do this to ourselves when being happy seems so easy for others.

Your writing is from deep inside youself and somewhere in there is your spirit that drives you.

Nice job. Keep writing to express yourself. I am in the Paper Doll Project.

Shy Ghost

Review of "Emerald Eyes"
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