I thought I'd take a look in your portfolio to determine what my own pieces may be lacking from your perspective. Comparing our "poetry" I've found that yours is more lyrical in tone. It reminds me of artsy punk lyrics. It doesn't necessarily read easily as poetry because it is not broken into clear lines. I'm thinking that you should try to make this a short story instead of a poem. It has short story potential, but leaving it in poetic form will not do it justice.
Tevie, I do sense the movie "Dinosaurs" within this prose. I see animals (I tend to think of elephants) migrating in my head. I did like your prose, but my interest wasn't captured. It is a good effort, do not get me wrong. Maybe if you had one species in mind, you could describe them and their surroundings. The one thing that bothered me was your structuring of this piece. The alignment is odd and lines are not clearly defined. But other than that, you have a piece on your hands that holds potential.
Keep writing,
Nic
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