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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cdavis1961
Review Requests: ON
9 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Just friends  
Review by addie.cass
Rated: E | (5.0)
What a nice short story! :)

I could feel your character's pain. You do a good job of creating tension and emotion, even though there's only one character and no dialogue. That's a real talent.
Your writing is very, very good -- I'm terrible picky and didn't see one grammatical error. You choose your words well and the piece flows really easily. It's just a very enjoyable read.

I have two small questions, things that either I just didn't get or might need a change. First, she's working on her SAT but she's already in college? Second, you say "family becomes stranger." I thought maybe she was talking about her sister based on the word "family," but it seems she's a friend. Plus, I'm not sure what the phrase means. Did you mean that people grow apart?

Thanks for sharing this -- I enjoyed it a lot.
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2
Review of I'm not yolking  
Review by addie.cass
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hah! I'm really wondering what on Earth is with Misty! Really, I wish there was some explanation. :)

You did a nice job of creating mystery out of what is usually a mundane situation.

Cheers!
3
3
Review of Lawyered Up  
Review by addie.cass
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Great job! Well written, interesting, realistic. And a surprising ending. I wondered if your main character blamed herself because she had allowed spousal abuse to go on too long, but understood at the end that she blamed herself for creating the monster!
4
4
Review of McKenzie's Choice  
Review by addie.cass
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Unratable.)
An FBI guy with a way to find the scenes of crimes and see the future can make for a really interesting story! Here, the end is a little bit easy to guess. I wonder if you might make his gift grow from "mostly wrong" to at last being right at the end. It could grab and hold the reader's interest a lot better. :)

Your writing is good, easy to read! Good grammar, clear, nice pace.
The only issue I see is lots of passive phrases. Active ones create more interest and keep the reader engaged better. Any time you have a phrase with "was/is/has been" followed by an "ing" word, you might make a change to a more active one. Example: "He was watching TV" is passive, while "he watched TV" is active.
Also, other "was" phrases can be changed to flow better, like "The light was dim as he walked down the wooden stairs" could be "He walked down the dimly lit wooden stairs." The action comes first in the second sentence.
5
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Review by addie.cass
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thanks so much, Northernwrites!
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