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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/charmander210
Review Requests: OFF
11 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by R. M. Guitar
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Okay, so the story-line is still captivating. An End Demon trying to change, that's a twist that in truth, I didn't see coming. But it does get a bit confusing to follow. I hadn't realized they actually escaped from Faren. Though the other thing that gets a bit confusing is the conversations. Even though it's all in thought and I like how you do your best to keep it all different, it's still sometimes hard to tell when the thoughts end. Maybe color coat them? Or keep tags going. It's still overall a great story. But because of the confusion, 4 out of 5.
2
2
Review by R. M. Guitar
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
First off, wonderful cliff hanger. Secondly, MORE DETAILS!! Try slowing it down just teensy little bit because this story could really go places. I love it. It took a while to finish this part but that's personal reasons.
LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!! Seriously. Just want more reason to root for the good guys.
GREAT JOB!!! Especially with keeping it in one perspective!
3
3
Review by R. M. Guitar
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like this poem. It's interesting. Meaningful. So true as well. As I've spoken to many men, young as well as old. They do often dream of the same things. A lot of the time you hear the younger ones "I can't wait to grow up" and the older ones "what I wouldn't give to be young again". Well done, sir.
Also, a lot of what I write is based of a daydream or night dream.
4
4
Review of The End of Time  
Review by R. M. Guitar
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Okay, so this was really gripping! I did not want to stop reading it! It could use some editing as you have a tendency to repeat words in the same sentence and could cut back on the usage of "I" but seriously, this is a really intriguing story.
You keep the reader on the edge of their seats! Really love it.
5
5
Review of Potatoes  
Review by R. M. Guitar
Rated: E | (3.0)
It could flow a little better if you got rid of some "I" usage. Though, as an older sibling, it's easy to relate to.
Very interesting.
It's unclear how old the narrator is, though.
I like it. Reminds me of my younger sibling and getting their way.
6
6
Review of Miss Direct  
Review by R. M. Guitar
Rated: E | (5.0)
As someone who uses GPS often, this got me. It's very relatable and funny. Well written! It flows easily. Love the way you put some explanations in the parenthesis. Though I haven't been to DC, there's quite a few places that are just as bad. Especially when construction is going on.
Good job!
7
7
Review of A Stronger Man  
Review by R. M. Guitar
Rated: E | (3.0)
Touching. Could use some punctuation to add to effect. Question marks, exclamation points, periods, ect. It's my opinion that those would make the poem that more powerful. The poem could be easy to relate for someone who's been in a similar situation.
8
8
Review by R. M. Guitar
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Capturing. The poem reminds me of someone who longs to be loved, yet is afraid at the same time. Watching from a distance. The person is trapped in a never ending cycle of want. Something they can barely reach as the other goes about their day.

I like it a lot. Very well written.
9
9
Review of At the Playground  
Review by R. M. Guitar
Rated: E | (4.0)
This project is well done. The way it's arranged is great. Love your use of words. Though it's hard to understand for myself. To me it's talking about a girl who wants to write but instead she acts out the words. She watches them come to life in a day dream or perhaps she does them herself. Good job!
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