Here's my second review for your raffle prize! The third one will come soon!
Okay, this story leaves me with a few questions that could be answered by another chapter, but there’s probably not going to be one, so I’ll go off what I have. First of all, if the cat/woman knows that she is the familiar of the man, why doesn’t she go into human form immediately and welcome him in even without seeing the trinket? Why does she keep him waiting at all?
I’m so interested by the ending of the story. There are so many places that this story could go. He understands his family line now, and he has his memory back. The cat has clearly been waiting for this moment for a long time. I have so many questions again, but I’ll leave it there. It’s a well-written story, one that stays with you. There’s plenty of intrigue about the woman, and it’s not immediately obvious that she’s the cat. She must be very powerful to render that kind of awe in him, especially when she makes him drink that disgusting tea.
“Still meek, enthralled by her charms, and the first tea, I passed the bag holding them to her, I drank the bitter brew, pouring the next cup myself.”
This is a definite run-on sentence that needs to be corrected.
“So, I drank, as she opened an ornate metal box, strangely, it was decorated with designs…”
This is another run-on sentence. You probably need to hold back on the commas. They’re allowing you to keep writing with a pause, but not the pause you need.
Here is my first review for your First Package prize winnings!
This tale could definitely use a second chapter! The cleverness behind the tale leaves the reader wanting more, and an explanation for what is talking to Gigi and how she is getting more advanced as the story goes on. How did she avoid taking pictures that Emily was going to delete later when Emily was obviously in charge of taking the pictures anyway? I suppose there’s room for suspense in the story, but it really lays the groundwork for more, which this story doesn’t promise.
That’s not to say this story isn’t delightful in its telling. I love how protective and clingy Gigi is, as if she’s almost a real person. She obviously takes great care and knows how to please Emily, and knows her limitations. Emily is protective of Gigi as well, and loves her just like she would anybody else.
“there were no auto-cams for Emily's kids, other technology had replaced the Gg series.” I think “another” would have been the right word instead of “other” because it specifies the type of technology.
“Being startled was startling, scary and weirdly upsetting, experiencing anything was terrifying.” I believe there should be a semicolon between upsetting and experiencing.
‘"It's broad daylight," he laughed off her concerns, "we'll be fine."’ There should be a period between “Daylight” and “He” because it is a complete sentence, and you can’t laugh a word.
"Greg no," watching in horror as the knife lashed out, hearing the sound of rending cloth.
“Greg, no!” she screamed, watching… might be a better way to go with this.
These are little, nitpicky things, but they might help your language out a bit. Anyway, it’s all my opinion. Please take it with a grain of salt.
What an adorable poem! The rhyming scheme isn't annoying, which is a big thing for me. The lines are long enough that you barely notice. Also, this is a cute little story about a bean plant. It's a simple story, but one that sticks with you. And I think that you ended at just the right time as well. Good job!
The imagery here is beautiful. I particularly like the lines: It is you who should lay in sheets of gold and lavender./It is you who is made from love, devotion and desire. It shows pure admiration for the subject of the poem. Also, the rhyming scheme is spot on. Usually, the repetition of two by two would annoy me, but the lines are long enough that it breaks up the repetition. Thank you for your poem.
This is a great story! It's filled with humor, and that makes you want to read more. I also love the concept that the stars are just sort of puzzle pieces that need to be moved around so that space works the way it's supposed to. It's a little beyond the suspension of disbelief, but because it's a comedy, it works. Keep up the good work!
There is some repetition here on the fifth question: Please write what you would like what you would like to be said about you in the announcement of your membership. *This is not required. *This will be directly quoted.
This was a gripping tale with plenty of emotion and adventure. I loved the way Hollana fought the other contenders with her powers, and enjoyed the emotion she displayed toward the old man. However, there were a lot of metaphors, and they started to become more noticeable with time. It was especially noticeable during the fight. I think if you added more action and less plays on words, you could have a seriously good story on your hands.
This tells a beautiful and tragic story so simply, and I love it. It's quiet until the end, showing the composure of the writer. I'm not sure what the top two lines are supposed to mean for the rest of the poem, or if it was just the writer talking to the audience, but I enjoyed it all the same. You have serious talent.
Very suspenseful and heartbreaking. The past comes in at just the right moments, in between the gripping tale of running away. The grammar appears to be correct. Good job, and welcome to the WDC family. I think you'll fit in well here.
Ooh, how delicious! I loved the brazen violence and the agency that the slave had. She and her master are not people to contend with in any way. I thought she was going to be a pathetic slave, incapable of saving herself, but it just wasn't true. I think you have a great story going on here.
That was an awesome story. It had intensity, mystery, desperation... I loved it. Couldn't take my eyes off the screen until I was finished. His power was something that I had never really encountered before, so it was a fresh take. And I like the haunting backlash it has. Great job!
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