CAT here...I really liked the imagination and creativity of this story, and I do not generally gravitate towards supernatural or paranormal-type reading. I enjoyed how it all came together in the end. It was neat, but not too neat, which is good from my point of view.
I am not a critic regarding grammar and punctuation, really. I do think, though, it would be a benefit to separate your paragraphs as it would make it flow better and be easier on the reader. It gives the reader a break, just for a second, to digest what they've read before moving on and allows them to savor the story instead of feeling rushed.
Just my 2 cents, for what it's worth! Please keep writing!