Very nice storytelling, as always. I like how you set the stage for the dog to have such an enormous impact before he finally appeared. I guess the only thing that threw me a bit is that his family got the dog when he was 10, and dogs don’t normally live more than 20 years…which would make him no older than 30 now, very young to have lost both parents. But then, his mom pours her energy into gardening instead of the “children she was never able to have,” making me wonder if he was adopted, and then not fully loved/not fully considered her child, and that played into him being jealous of the dog? In any case, it seems like a nuanced, layered short story, a little bit like a complicated poem. It suggests a lot.
Nice Cramp entry, very relatable stage fright scene. I ended up really wanting to know the punchline of the joke. What do you call a barber who has no hair?
Very nice choice of subject for the contest; I like the way you brought in Peter Allen’s being attracted to men and getting to kiss the love of his life. And poor Liza accidentally gave her own last name when she woke up in Peter Allen’s POW cell…Congrats on your Cramp win today, too. 🙂
I like the story, especially the little details of Sarah’s resentment of Mark’s callousness, her parents’ judging her for coming home, and her singing success getting her a position she didn’t expect. Your ability to write nearly 1,000 words for the contest is great, too; you successfully maintained interest and high quality writing in a story that is on the longer side for the daily contest. The prompt has a requirement for one of the genres to be Mythology, though. I think some mythological references could be a quick add on in a story like this, though, since many myths have failed relationships as a theme.
Nice work- I like her going through this process of evaluation and changing her mind, giving up the ring to the waiter when she knows she won’t be happy. It’s terrible that she would be pregnant when she was unwilling in the whole thing, though.
“Because some of us are easier to believe in than others” - Great reply to “Do you believe in ghosts?”
Also, it’s a touching, unexpectedly sad ghost story about friendship. Great job.
I think you have him so overpowered by the metaphor of the chalice that he has a panic attack- but then he’s ok in the end, with “relief, no danger”? I like your specific act 1 scene 7 reference.
I like it! It reflects a lot of the little details you probably would have had to research for the prompt. Now I want to listen to, “Scotland the Brave.”
Good job taking on the whole topic phrase for the acrostic, including the difficult “j”; I also like the “slip, slap, slop,” of slathering on the sunscreen. It keeps the poem fun as it gets into the science of skin health.
I’m a fan of very short fiction and poetry, and having written items this short myself, I think I expect a little scene in something like this. That’s what I got, a little physical scene between Yuri and Jill as he volunteered to help her make a messy parade float, realized they had a spark, and kissed her. I don’t know what contest you wrote it for, but I’m guessing that’s the cause of the bolded words. Nice work. 🙂
I could imagine this as a song! Stop and smell the roses is an old metaphor, but sometimes those can be powerful in lyrics - unlike poems, lyrics need to be understood pretty quickly by the listener. The twist on “would you even know if you’d seen them?” about flowers on the side of road is my favorite line. Sometimes I stare out into the distance thinking of something else and don’t see what’s right in front of me.
It has a bit of a lost love folksy feel, and I like it. It feels like I’m reading lyrics though I don’t know the tune. One note on the contest requirements- you may need to change “trembling” in the second stanza, as it would have only two syllables in many dialects. I made a similar mis-step on my own first draft with the word “tile” because at first I thought of it as “tie-ul.” Then I realized it’s just “tile,” rhyming with “file,” to many English speakers, so I changed it to something less ambiguous. 🙂
Your poem made me curious about moon baths, which I Googled after I read it. It involves water, candles, sound baths, and moon beams. I would certainly enjoy the “grand results from ancient rite performed.” Great Cramp entry! Also, good job with the form. When I read your entry, I realized I made a mistake in mine, and fixed it.
Hi- this is a powerful poem about experiencing dementia and also a great contest entry for today’s Cramp. However, “And even though the storm rages,” has 8 syllables instead of 7, so you’ll need to change it to qualify for the contest. I made a mistake like that when I first posted my own today, and I edited it since. You have until noon to edit it, I think. Good luck!
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