This is interesting. I'm not completely sure what the poem is about. Is it about the harshness of reality? A bad camping trip? Maybe allude to the topic in a title or description. A base of understanding would allow your reader to have a frame for the images you paint. It would transform the piece from an interesting series of thoughts to a powerful poem.
If you don't feel compelled to add some clarification to the actual piece, do you mind sharing with me personally what it is about? I'm intrigued and would like to find out more.
Overall good job.
Keep On Writing,
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