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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/cliojayne
Review Requests: OFF
6 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Orbit  
Review by Cleo Jane
Rated: E | (4.5)
Oooooh!!!! I like this a lot. It is such a cute little mini potential introduction.
My only points of suggestion would be:
The second paragraph is confusing- partially due to wording and partially due to lack of context. "Pock looked needfully." feels incomplete when I read it. What is "it" and who would receive it? Perhaps this needs either more explanation or just to not be there? Just a thought.

"...: no bigger than a peach pit." while important descriptive information it feels almost awkwardly tacked onto the end of this sentence. I have no suggestions on what you might do to change this, just that it kind of ruins your flow a bit.

Overall though, I am in love with where this could go! Hope there's more Pock and Winkins when I go look at your portfolio ;)
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Review of Discarded  
Review by Cleo Jane
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Dang! At first I was very confused about where this was going but then it got intense in a good way! Part of me wanted the dress to have sympathy for the girl, but I think I liked how it ended better than if she had been forgiven.
Thanks for such an interesting view on what seems like an everyday kind of topic!
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3
Review by Cleo Jane
Rated: E | (5.0)
Loved the line lengths and numbers, made it feel really stable and strong. The word choice definitely made you actually pay attention and think about it and that made it sink in deeper, which was awesome. Loved the message involved as well. Just overall brilliant. way to go :)
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