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Review by Colbert-238
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi JoshJ!

First off, I have to say that the fantasy genre is always one that interests me, so my opinions on your story may be a tad biased in that respect. That said, I'll start off with the positives. I very much enjoyed the opening paragraph, one could argue that most fantasy stories (no matter the medium they're told in) start off with massive sweeping shots of their world, but that's simply because such shots do an excellent job of giving the audience a taste of the world in which the story will take place. Your opening was no different, painting a clear picture of the main setting of the story (so far at least).

I was somewhat disappointed however, when the descriptions dropped drastically after that point. Never forget just how much freedom this genre gives you, apart from creating your own lore (I'll get to that in a second) you have the ability to create an entire world at your fingertips. The next time you need to describe a building such as the monastery, I'd recommend digging deeper into its architecture, even something as simple as adding a few pillars or statues can go a long way to help create a picture in the reader's mind.

The same could be said for the building's interior. I'm not saying you need a blueprint planned out or anything, but it wouldn't hurt to describe more of the rooms in greater detail, especially the ones you know you'll be using more than once.

Onto the lore, I found this aspect of the story to be especially strong. Even this early in the story, I feel like I have a pretty solid grasp on what goes on inside the Apalon monastery, but at the same time, there's plenty of room for more to be explained, which is a great way to draw people back to your story after its introduction. As far as the characters, they remain more of a mystery, although I'm sure that will change as time goes on. The banter between them was entertaining, specifically Balfor's constant questioning of the main protagonist, but so far no one really stands out from one another. That's to be expected from the first few chapters, but something to keep in mind nonetheless.

Wrapping up, I see plenty of promise in the story thus far. The plots moving along at a steady pace, and you seem to have your world and its lore well thought out. Hope what I said will be of some help to you, I really enjoyed reading your story ^_^
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