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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/coraelise
Review Requests: OFF
10 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I am thorough and willing to give you as much information as you need. I review by five criteria - grammar, punctuation, plot, character development, and flow. I prefer to read fantasy or historical fiction but I will also review screenplays and essays. I have 4 years of Advanced Placement and International Baccalaureate English classes, I'm an English/History major and I'm an avid writer myself. I WILL NOT REVIEW ROMANCE OR EMOTIONAL/EXISTENTIAL PROSE. PLEASE.
I'm good at...
Grammar, punctuation, plot and character development, identifying themes, applying information in a positive manner.
Favorite Genres
Fantasy, Sci-Fi, Historical Fiction, Action/Adventure, Screenplays
Least Favorite Genres
Romance, Emotional, Poetry
Favorite Item Types
Static, Books, Novels, Short Stories
Least Favorite Item Types
Poetry
I will not review...
Erotica, Romance, Children's Stories
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of The Chosen  
Review by CoraElise
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello!

Please keep in mind my reviews are thorough, and I do not intend to hurt anyone's feelings or offend. I simply want you, the author, to get the most as you can from a review!

OVERALL:
Fantastic. Rare technical errors, thorough description, good structure. It was hard for me to find things to correct, and that's impressive!

PROS:
-The introductory segment is very interesting, and I enjoyed trying to connect it to the rest of the stories. I don't want to get ahead of myself, however, as I look forward to seeing how you do it!
- I've always had a soft spot for the structure you used in this part of the story. I like the idea of using separate characters in separate settings with individual personalities to later connect to a certain idea (Correct me if I'm wrong in assuming that's what you'll eventually be doing), and you've been quite successful in doing just that so far.
- Each character, as I stated above, is an individual. You have done fantastically in making me intrigued by every single one of them. I'm beyond curious to see how they connect!
- Very few technical errors (See "CONS" for the details)
- Great word usage and description

CONS:
- There are two or three spots where I can tell you probably didn't mean to, but there's a period where a comma should be since it's followed by a word like "and" or "but".
- I'm just a little confused by Camira getting a second segment but none of the others having one.

Please let me know if/when you've written more! I'm excited!

- CoraElise


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of The Final Breath  
Review by CoraElise
Rated: E | (4.0)
First of all, thank you for letting me read your piece!

I review by five criteria: grammar, punctuation, plot, character development and flow.

PROS:
- No grammatical errors
- You can definitely identify that the girl is drowning
- You can feel the tense emotion clearly. Your simple and blunt imagery drew me into the water with her.

CONS:
- I know it's for a hundred-word-or-less contest, but if you can squeeze in something about her ascension to the surface, it'd make the end a little more clear. I had to read the last paragraph a couple times to get it, which made me lose some of the emotion I mentioned above.
- Maybe use a word other than "choking" the second time in the last paragraph. It feels a bit repetitive.
- ...flipped over[,] again and again... (you need the pause to emphasize the time spent struggling)
- ...through me[,] I could hear... (comma, not a period - so it flows with a pause, not a stop.)

OVERALL
I liked it. It was raw and powerful, and your execution was nearly perfect.

Feel free to message me back with any questions you may have about my review. I’m always happy to elaborate.

Happy Holidays!
- Cora


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by CoraElise
Rated: E | (4.5)
I found this piece wonderful, with little error!
Pros:
- Your word choice while describing the same items repeatedly (the swords, the environment) was spot on.
- In terms of writing fantasy, it seems by the prologue that you know what most readers want to see - high levels of description, a well-developed setting and action segment, etc.
- I found myself intrigued by what I'd read and was a bit disappointed when it came to an end.

Cons:
- Very minute punctuation errors, though nothing concerning.
- I couldn't picture the characters. Are they human? Does he/she have white/purple/brown/black hair? Does the have a distinguishing feature? Build on describing your characters more, especially Lorynd. As much as I was intrigued by the story, I saw only silhouettes of people, which makes it hard to connect to.
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