|Hi! I kind of liked this story.
First off I think the sentence, "There was no sound; a sensation of air rushing, simultaneously ripping me apart and holding me together" would flow better as 'There was no sound. A sensation of air, simultaneously ripping me apart and holding me together, rushing past.' Just an idea.
Secondly, "It went on forever, and was over in an instant." is very paradoxical and slightly confusing at least for me. Maybe, 'It felt like forever but it was over in an instant.'
Finally, in one of the sentences, you are missing the beginning quotation mark.
All in all not my kind of story but it was pretty good. Fix those things and you got a pretty good story.