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351 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
I am honest and respectful, and try to be as diplomatic as possible when I review a piece of writing. I use a template to cover most writing elements, as well as giving you my personal thoughts and feelings about it. I rate fair and equal to the review I give, but I only give a rating of 5 if the piece is perfect, in my opinion.
Favorite Genres
Mystery, adventure, paranormal, historical, disaster/survival, political, detective, young adult, animal, folklore, comedy, inspirational, nature, romance, and fantasy
Least Favorite Genres
Horror, psychological, gangster, western, steampunk
Favorite Item Types
Flash fiction, short stories, blogs, chapters of novels, and essays.
Least Favorite Item Types
Articles, non-fiction
I will not review...
Technological, erotica, gay/lesbian, whole novels or novellas all at one time.
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of The conversation  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones-- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Ironworker. I've chosen to review your story, The Conversation.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

This piece has all the story elements for a tragic melodrama. It has a good, edge of your seat plot, well drawn characters and characterization, and excellent dialogue! Your descriptions are excellent, and Ben's character can be seen through his thoughts such as, "He’d seen all kinds of undesirable articles, scum coated lingerie, used depends pads and s*** soaked socks with matching underwear. He was truly in the business of cleaning up filth, and he loved it."

The tension, tone, and mood of the story builds from the first line, holds it throughout the story, all the way to the end, never losing momentum. I especially loved the way you introduce Ben, in the middle of his work, which happens to be the "place" the drama begins at. And you did a great job introducing the conflict, or rather, the source of the conflict, Old Man McAllister.

The third person limited POV helps to make this story breathe. I felt as though I was standing there doing the laundry with Ben when he finds the girl's clothing. Ben's thoughts really ramp up the tension as he tries to reason his way out of getting involved after seeing the blood on the clothes. The dialogue in Ben's mind between truth and denial was fantastic! This was by far the most telling statement to convince him to call the police, I believe. "Truth, beckoned, “Look at yourself.” You deny me, and I will haunt you with this no matter how dark and deep a hole you climb into. You will never live free of me.” I loved this! When I heard it, I KNEW he'd be calling the police.

The only issues I had with the story is with punctuation and grammar.

*NoteR* Suggestions

The story does need punctuation, to be a top rated piece of writing. Without it, the readability is lowered, so a quick punctuation and grammar check would take care of most of this easy enough. Also, there did seem to be a piece of narration that felt like third person omnicient, rather than the limited view. That was this line. "He had spent most of his life in prison, for all manors of crimes and offenses. Most in town left him to himself. He was once convicted for killing four men after a card game as a young man, two he killed with his just his hands."

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

Once again, let me say how much I enjoyed this story. Well done.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
52
52
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones-- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Sammy. I've chose to review your story, Watching the Clock.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

When I saw the title and description of your story, I wondered how you would make this piece keep my interest. But as I began to read it, I realized that your character's anxiety and nervousness, and all the things that would go through his mind, would create a story full of tension and keep me reading. You did a good job using the clock as the benchmark, because a ticking and tocking clock is an excellent tactic to create this type of anxiousness.

Your use of descriptive writing is quite good! I found they not only conveyed HIS emotions about how he felt going into the the exam, but the writing evoked a feeling of heaviness, and fear along with him. I could feel his thoughts. The metaphors you used were also very good. I especially liked this particular line, "A statue he’d become, unable to move, unable to think, pen gripped in a sweaty hand." I can remember feeling that way many times! Good job creating association within your reader. I could relate to the situation HE found himself in.

One more sentence that I thought was brilliant, in relation to the story, but also to other writers: "Head cleared, he looked down then wrote a single word. Then another. Then three. The dam broke and a wave of words swept across the page, drenching it in ink." This is such a truism, and one that we need to remember whenever we sit and look at a blank piece of paper.

The plot, while simple, was powerful. While we didn't know your character's name, we knew HIM and what he was experiencing.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I think in a piece of writing like this, naming your character would make a reader connect better with your character. It's such an easy story to follow and feel, that without a name, in my opinon, it loses some of its power. One other thought--if you made one or two lines a bit shorter, broke them up into two, that would increase the tension and tone of the piece by making it pace faster, making me feel the clock at work.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

This was a great piece of writing in my view.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
53
53
Review of The Harbor  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones-- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Ethan. I chose to review your prose piece, The Harbor.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

First of all, I enjoyed reading this piece of prose. You chose the perfect title, but you opted not to use the description line for a description of the piece. That sometimes makes a reader bypass your story. I always try to name a story appropriately, which you did, and use the line below it to get people to want to read it. I found your prose quite beautiful, and absolutely reflects nature, your genre, in every way possible.

Imagery in poetry or in prose is crucial, and you have that in this piece of writing. I could feel the salt air, hear the seagulls, and experience the wind and motion of the waves, and the sounds of the boats in the harbor as I read it. The pace feels good, and the prose has substance. The author is having his lunch and experiencing all the sights and sounds of nature. And while I could find no issues with the imagery or pacing, I had a little issue with the flow. The descriptions are crisp, even pristine in some ways, but the sentence structure is a bit difficult to read. The sentences are long and flowing, but the length of the sentence structure often makes the reading more cumbersome.

*NoteR* Suggestions

Perhaps breaking up a few of your sentences into shorter ones, interspersed with longer ones to make the read flow easier.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

This is a lovely piece to immerse oneself in, and I enjoyed reading it, despite the sentence length.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
54
54
Review of Ode to the Editor  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones-- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Zen! I've chosen to review your poem, Ode to the Editor.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

The minute I saw the title to this poem, I knew I had to read it. I was certain of the perspective you would take with this. The description line pretty much gave that away! Writing a piece about a heartless editor was rather humorous! I suppose it feels that way when we get a rejection letter, but your poem pokes good fun at the difficulties of getting a piece of writing past one.

I laughed as I read through this because it seemed that your editor truly enjoyed his bashing and slashing wordage. I envision a Scrooge-like editor sitting at a desk taking out his own rejections on other writers! You have fantastic imagery throughout the poem, no doubt about that! I saw you used rhyme for the poem and I thought it flowed well. I also noticed some alliteration and consonance. This made the poem sing. Basically, the poem begins and ends the same way, with a negative flavor to it. While funny from a certain point of view, the mood is rather depressing, and the tone, tense.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I wouldn't change a thing. I will say the last three lines felt a little "off" with regard to meter, but perhaps that's just me. I'm new to poetry, and I may not be familiar with all forms and styles of poetry.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I truly enjoyed reading your poem. It had truth, humor, and

Thank you for sharing your work with us!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
55
55
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones-- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Winnie! I've chosen to review your story, What's In the Box?

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

What an great story you have here! And what a great way to capture someone's eye when they are looking for something to read! The title was very creative! Topping the title off with that description line worked perfectly.

I was mesmerized by the action in your adventure. You took a common plot, someone being held for ransom, and turned it into a unique and original premise that captured my interest through the entire story. I found Debbie to be a competent, and observant character. Good job making her and her daily life clear in my mind, so that when these incidents began to happen, they were realistic and logical.

Despite little or no dialogue, Debbie's inner thoughts and your descriptive writing carried the story very well. You used shadowing to enhance the tension and the mood of the story, which works great in the action adventure genre. Your story has very good flow and pacing. Nothing choppy or left out.

Your use of punctuation and grammar was pretty good, but there were a few readability issues and some passive verbs and adverbs. They didn't spoil the enjoyment of the story, but it would make the actual reading of it easier with unnecessary words or phrases removed or changed.

*NoteR* Suggestions

A grammar check should take care of the few items I noticed. With the unnecessary words and adverbs limited, the story will read even stronger.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

Again, this is a really good tale. The only reason I didn't rate this five stars, is basically for the same reason I rate many excellent stories 4.5--because I like to know the outcome of a story. Sometimes leaving it to the imagination is a good technique, but in this type of story, I want to know if her husband and child will live or die.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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56
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones-- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Jellyfish. I've chosen to review your story, "The Mystery of Pinhead Island."

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

Your story is the second one that peaked my curiosity with the use of title and description. Great job! You made the setting clear that the elusive Pinhead Island was somewhere in the Bermuda area. And there's the mystery, so the genre is a perfect fit.

The plot to this story is very entertaining. You make it all the more exciting by putting Jack right in peril from the first sentence. It was a perfect way to begin this story. Your plot has good structure. You've set the beginning up beautifully, the middle made it even more mysterious, and the ending was surprising and fun to discover! I thought it would be another "nothing there to see" Bermuda Triangle tale, but you put a little different spin on it by Jack learning the technology on the island is real and works, so good job!

Through his actions and his thoughts, I learned Jack is a more than capable agent, but one who is skeptical about the missions they often take part in, and seems to be a "see it to believe it," kind of guy. Except at the very last line, you used no dialogue, but Jack's thoughts and the descriptions conveyed the story through his eyes well.

I found the tone to be a bit on the skeptical and questioning side throughout the story, mainly due to Jack's unbelieving nature about the island. And that worked very well, because while I hoped the island would be real (in the story), I figured it wouldn't be real either. So, I suppose I felt a bit like Jack did.

I must say, your use of descriptive writing is very good. You gave good detail without overdoing it, and it made the story live and breathe. When I feel like I'm next to the character, then I know the writer did a good job taking me to another place and time. So, kudos to you for a job well done! The only issue I have is that several of your sentences are quite long.

*NoteR* Suggestions

If I could, let me suggest that shorter sentences can make the readability of a story much easier, and much more enjoyable. Shorter lines also speed up the pacing of a story, making the tension stronger. The story flowed well, but the pacing didn't feel tense, other than at the beginning. I think the middle of the story could benefit from more tension. It would make the ending even more surprising and satisfying, continually building upon the previous incidents.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I really enjoyed reading this! You have a good piece of flash fiction here. And with a few tweeks, this could easily become a five-star story!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

*Shield7* Lady Dee ~ House Martell *Shield7*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
57
57
Review of Alice  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A "Game of Thrones-- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Grace! I chose to review your poem, "Alice."

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

I thoroughly enjoyed reading your poem. Despite only being twelve lines, I found you spoke so many emotions and feelings in this short piece. I watch a lot of detective shows, and this poem reminds me of all those missing children I hear about so often. It's disheartening when families don't know what happened to them or why they are gone.

It seems that Alice needs to try and comfort her mother, at least in her own mind, knowing how her mother would be feeling over her disappearance. She doesn't tell her mother why she is gone, and I wondered why she left, if she loves and cares for her mother as much as she seems to. It starts out in a melancholy way, and ends a little more upbeat and hopeful.

I can't help but feel that the tone of the poem is one of sadness or at least, regret on Alice's part, adding to the question of why she would leave in the first place. The line, "It isn't my time yet," makes me think Alice doesn't want her mother to think she is dead. Very good use of emotion and detachment.

I am not familiar enough with poetic forms to know if this is a specific category poem, but the repeating third line of each stanza gives your poem a strong structure, and it makes the piece flow well. The line also gives a promise, and that promise provides hope throughout the verse.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I can't offer a suggestion because I found this to be worthy of five stars. I don't rate many items a five right off the bat, but I was moved by the author's intent to comfort.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

I'm sure any piece of writing can be improved, but this one encompasses so much with so few words, I found it to be perfect. Good work.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

*Shield7* Lady Dee ~ House Martell *Shield7*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
58
58
Review of Dollar Bill  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A "Game of Thrones-- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Dave. I've chosen to review your story, "Dollar Bill."

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

My first thought after reading this was, I wish there was more to the story. What a great mystery! I just watched a film similar to this the other day, and just like that story, yours kept me on the edge of my seat the entire time. Great piece, with a lot of potential, if you plan to expand it.

The mystery genre, combined with this title and description totally yanked at me. I had to read this! You did a great job using title and description to lure me in. It's something many writers fail to do. So, kudos to you. The plot is fantastic. While this type of story is fairly common, it's the details and the story elements that make them all unique. Your tale has mystery, intrigue, confusion, tension, and the tone needed to create the overall feeling of terror and apprehension. Good work.

Ray is an engaging character. He has personality, and we learn about him in a natural, easy way, as he journeys through a typical day in his life. Great way to show your character, rather than tell us about him. And when you do use a bit of telling, it works well, because it's brief, important to the story, and gives us a chance to get a few details down quickly.

Your use of dialogue advanced the plot. The conversations and the language were natural and realistic, and added tension to the situation, especially after Ray returned to Starbucks the next day. We clearly see Rochelle doesn't know what he's talking about, but it's your descriptions of Ray's actions, and his emails that made this story. You built the tension through each incident, and the last line of the story clinches it.

The story has good flow, but I noticed a few punctuation and grammar issues, for example, a missing comma after the word, "instructions," and the use of the words "must to," rather than using "must or have to." It's nothing a quick check couldn't catch, but it would add to better readability.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I have to admit, in this story, it felt as though you didn't end with a solid answer to the conflict. It is a very good story, but it doesn't feel like a short story or flash fiction, more like a longer piece unfinished, or a chapter. Perhaps with the scope of this story it needs to be expanded. The only other suggestion I could offer is to do a check for unnecessary words or phrases that don't contribute to the plot or the dialogue. It can help make the story even stronger, and can actually pick up the pacing to raise the tension.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

Overall, I loved this! With a few quick edits it could be a five stars. Expanding the story would almost guarantee it!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

*Shield7* Lady Dee ~ House Martell *Shield7*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
59
59
Review of Castle Memories  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A "Game of Thrones-- House Martell Review

House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hi Angel. I've picked "Castle Memories" for my review today.

*NoteR* My Thoughts & Impressions

What an different way to begin! I liked that your viewpoint character, Alison, is dead, and is telling the story. Very creative! Your title and plot, while interesting, didn't really give any clues to the storyline though. It wasn't until I began to read on did the mystery of what happened to Alison, become clear.

I feel as though I knew Alison from the descriptions and narrative. She sounds young, and she speaks in a natural way, the way a young adult would. Your use of language is simple, but appropriate for the story, and it reads well enough. Where the story takes place is clear enough, but it only told me where she died, it didn't tell me how or why it happened.

For a very tight piece of flash fiction, you have the elements of structure, but your ending while satisfying, did leave a few questions, one that Alison herself even had when she thought, Today somebody found me, I wonder how! I also liked that you managed to keep a tone of remembrance and warmth through the story by using Alison's POV. Not an easy thing to do. I didn't feel the fear of what happened to her, but I did feel sadness until she was found. Another refreshing perspective. The story flowed well, but the pacing didn't seem to match it.

*NoteR* Suggestions

I always suggest writers use the description line to entice a reader to read their story. I read the story because the title peaked my interest, but it's easy to pass a piece of writing when there is no mention of what type of storyline we will be reading. I believe if you use a few shorter sentences, the pacing will add to the mystery of how she disappeared. And I would have loved to know why the man killed Alison. The ending, while happier that she would be with her family once again, felt a bit unfinished.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

A good piece of flash fiction that I enjoyed reading.

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

*Shield7* Lady Dee ~ House Martell *Shield7*


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
60
60
Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Iron Bank of Braavos  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*Shield8* A Game of Thrones -- House Martell Review *Shield8*
House Martell image for G.o.T.


Hello Luna. I'm reviewing your story, "A Night at Bidi's."

*NoteR* Initial Thoughts

I noticed you used the present tense for Leroy's POV. I liked this very well. It made me feel like I was walking around Bidi's place with him and Bugs.

*NoteR* Story Elements

This is a good story. It has good structure, and it will peak a reader's curiosity, but Bidi disappearing, as well as other people who bought the house, could be a bit unsatisfying to some readers. Leaving what happened to my imagination was interesting, but a bit of a let down, as I wanted to know what happened to them, especially if George really died. I think you may have left too many unanswered questions. But this story has great potential! Perhaps an explanation from the police about George could help make this even more mysterious, yet give us a few more clues as to Bidi's dissapearance.

*NoteR* Final Thoughts

While your story does have a few areas that could use some tightening up, (punctuation/grammar, and the occasional change of tense), this story kept my interest all the way to the last word. It's quite a good mystery! You proved that by turning a fairly normal situation into a baffling one, a mystery would be afoot. Nice work! The use of the constant crying from the cats helped carry an ominous tone all the way through the story. Good job. Keep writing!

Thank you for sharing your work with us!

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
61
61
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi Jeannie. While visiting your port, I saw your story, "Memories of Beatrice." I was vaguely familiar with her, and had to read this.

Title/Description/Genre *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY*

The title is perfect for this story, in my opinion. It describes who and what the story will be about. Between the title and the description line, it entices me as a reader. Your choices of categories fit, certainly, but I would absoulutely add the "historical" tag to the list. I think it would make the reader want to know what parts are historical and what parts are fiction.

Plot/Setting & Structure *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

I found the plot of your story to be extremely absorbing and curious. I knew a few tidbits about Beatrice Turner, but certainly not all the particulars I learned between your story, and a little research I did after reading it. While the conflict in the plot was on a personal and emotional level for Beatrice, and even for Stephanie, (as per her attempt at trying to be Beatrice's friend), it is a subtle conflict, yet it kept my interest all through the story. The setting of Newport, New Jersey is described, it isn't described with a lot of detail, however, it's enough to give me an idea of the setting. I enjoy stories that leave something to the readers imagination. You have good structure here, with a definitive beginning, middle, and end to the story--the end being Beatrice's death.

Character/POV & Voice *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

Stephanie is an interesting character. Her personality and her "make up" is seen throughout the story, but only on the surface. As a reader, I learned that Stephanie is interested in design, the reason for buying her home in Newport, but I don't learn anything about her background or what kind of thing could "stop her from living there." What I thought was missing was more of Stephanie's inner thoughts about Beatrice, or perhaps a bit more dialogue interaction. I learned what makes the characters tick, (even Beatrice), but only the things they spoke of on the surface, or could be seen). I thought Stephanie and Beatrice had individual voices, through their verbiage primarily, and I found them to act like real people. The oddities of Beatrice's personality differ from Stephanie's normal and friendly way. You can easily tell one was born in a different age.

Dialogue & Descriptions *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

I found that you depicted the differences between Stephanie and Beatrice in the dialogue very well. This is where I really "saw" Beatrice, especially. The language they use clearly shows what time they grew up in, and how they were raised. I think through the dialogue and the descriptions in the story could have told more about the "mystery" in Beatrice's life, regarding her life, and especially her relationship with her father and mother. The descriptions created more questions than they answered. For instance, when Stephanie thought "She got other more dire warnings, but she shrugged them off..." Perhaps adding another warning could have told more of the story, rather than just saying she got other warnings. I was most curious as to what the other warnings were. I tend to do the same thing quite often in my writing, and often have that pointed out to me. Overall, your descriptions moved the plot forward, and the story peaked my interest throughout.

Tone/Flow & Pacing *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY*

This is probably the one story element that stayed consistent throughout. The tone gave off a feeling of mystery and oddity to it. I could almost hear the "soap opera music" playing in the background as read this. I loved the tone the story evokes. As I've said, all these unusual elements created curiosity on my part. The pacing was very good, because I didn't even think about the story being too fast or too slow. The story moved along nicely, so it seemed paced just right for how it was written.

Punctuation/Spelling & Grammar *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY*

I tend to not focus too heavily (at first), on punctuation and grammar. Spelling is the first thing I look at, because spelling makes a story more easily readable or not. I noticed a couple of words, nothing a quick spell check wouldn't catch, so that's no big issue. A few missing punctuation marks, and the type of quotes used were a few of the things I spotted, but again, a check grammar check would catch these.

*StarY* Closing Comments *StarY*

The readability of your story is very good. It was an enjoyable read, and the mystery of it kept me reading to the last word. I believe if you chose to, you could make the tale even more mysterious, perhaps increasing the tone even further. I loved how you entertwined your fictional part of the story with the facts of her life. You did a great job with this! I am a lover of the arts, including fine art, and this aspect of Beatrice's life was amazing to me, that her works were almost completely lost. Again, great story!

         Dee

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
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Review of Welcome, silence  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hello bubblebear! I found your contest entry, "Welcome, silence," while searching through the Author area in the menu.

Title/Description/Genre *StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

Your character certainly welcomed the silence, and even had plenty of it, but while the title fits this piece nicely, she didn't seem able to take advantage of the silence. And I noticed you didn't take advantage of the description line to entice readers to your story, or list the genre. I don't only choose a story to read by the title. I usually look at it's description, and especially its genre. Despite not having either one, I decided to read on.

Plot/Setting & Structure *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

Interesting plot. I always find a plot peaks my curiosity when the conflict is a situation rather than another person. This was the case in your story. Her inability to fall asleep provided many creative ways to show her thoughts and the things that happened in her day. The setting was obvious. I know she is at home, and was in her bed, trying to fall asleep. However, while you have a clear beginning and middle, the ending still feels incomplete. She closes her eyes, but does she achieve any sleep in her last hour?

Character/POV & Voice *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY*

Your character is alive on the page, and her thoughts about her daily routine and activities held my interest, not only because of your descriptive writing, but because her perceptions and thoughts were familar to me. Association is one of the strongest ways to keep the reader reading, and I did because of that association. Your main character is your POV character, since there is no one else in the story. The character's voice is strong and clear, even though I can't be positive if the character is male or female. I assume it is a female, by the activities spoken about and the way you describe them, but I can't be positive, of course, because a man could easily be the character as well.

Dialogue & Descriptions *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

Your story didn't have any spoken dialogue, only her inner thoughts, but as I mentioned, the inner dialogue is specific and many of the character's attributes are clearly revealed. Your descriptions made the story! I felt as though I was the one trying to get tired enough to fall asleep.

Tone/Flow & Pacing *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY*

The tone throughout the story could be described as exasperation. I felt the futility of the character's attempts to fall asleep, or to make themselves tired enough to go back to bed. So you did a great job with this. It also flowed very well. Nothing sounded out of place or choppy, and the pace was just right. It wasn't too slow or too fast. It matched the story premise.

*Pencil* Closing Comments

I found this to be an unusual read, but a read I really enjoyed. I related to the problem your character had---all too often, I'm afraid. So, good work. I just wish you had told us whether or not the character actually got to sleep or not, and what the outcome was.

         Dee

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
63
63
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)


Hello Lecters Protege. I had the opportunity to read your story, "Remember When It Rained." I found it while searching through the thriller genre in the menu.

Title/Description/Genre *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

I thought the title of this story was a creative way to associate the misery of the night, (the weather), with her misery of being betrayed. However, that being said, while creative, I had to wonder exactly who would remember when it rained? Since her husband dies, it won't be him doing the remembering. I don't think she'd need a rainstorm to remember killing the man she loved, and there didn't seem to be any witnesses. Either way, it is an interesting title. The description line pretty much tells the gist of the story, while not revealing the how's and whys, so that was a nice short description, and it peaked my curiosity. This certainly fits in the thriller genre, without a doubt.

Plot/Setting & Structure *StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

The plot is set up very well. We learn of the character's pain and heartbreak through her thoughts, as she considers the betrayal of her husband's infidelity. The setting was unclear, in that I didn't know where this took place, other than a parking lot somewhere. And while the story wasn't setting dependent, it would have made her escape a little more reasonable as to why there was only one car left in the parking lot, regarding witnesses to her shooting him. So I was a bit confused where this took place. A couple of your sentences, such as this one: "I gazed hypnotized at the light from the flashing robot reflected off the falling droplets..." actually made me want to know where she was sitting, even though it may not have been an important element of the story. This story has a clear beginning and middle. The ending, while technically finishing the story, doesn't actually satisfy, because we don't know what happened to her. Did she get away with it? Did she get caught? Did he live? (Doubtful, but not a definite). So, the ending actually produced more questions than a resolution.

Character/POV & Voice *StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

Your main character is rather vague in my mind. I mean, I know her thoughts, her feelings, and her motivation for doing what she eventually does, but I don't know her name, what she looks like, what her mannerisms are, or even how she normally reacts to pain. I don't really see her. I find her to be a strong character in thought and emotion, but I don't get a visual of her in a physical way. So when I read this sentence: "I pulled my jacket hood over my face and slowly made my way to the open parking lot." It was a blank image, a person without a face, to me. A few sparse details would really make "her" come to life. Now, your use of POV is perfect. I mean, she is the only one in the story, so it's easier to remain in one character's head, rather than head hopping from one to another, but it was still handled very well. I didn't detect any omnicient narration, so I think you did a good job with this. Her voice is clear and strong, and is a character that reacts to her situation.

Dialogue & Descriptive Writing *StarY**StarY**StarY**HalfStar*

The only line of dialogue I saw was, "Wash away the thoughts inside my head that keep me away from you. No more lies and no more hiding!” I found this to be an unusually long sentence to say out loud to oneself, but that's not to say people don't talk that way. By this description, "If we listen closely, we can hear the monsters calling our names. This is my moment. The moment I wanted all my life. I can tell it is time." I was not able to tell if she was planning to kill him for a long time, and if so, then why did she say she only found out about his betrayal that very night? She did say it was the moment she wanted all her life. That's why I am confused on this point. Your use of descriptive writing is very good! I throughly enjoyed the images you created with your descriptions. You are quite skilled in this area. Nice work.

Tone/Flow & Pacing *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY*

Throughout the story, the tone remained the same, depressing, desperate, and ominous. I knew something was going to happen. The story felt consistent, and had the right tone and tension for a thriller. For the most part, the flow worked well enough. I did find the change from paragraph four to paragraph five a little quick, without an explanation of what she was doing there. Otherwise, the flow and quick pace made the story fit the genre.

Punctuation/Spelling & Grammar *StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY**StarY*

While most punctuation, spelling and grammar issues can be resolved easily with another more stringent grammar check and edit, I saw nothing that stood out of place in the story. You did a fine job with these elements.

Closing Comments

I liked reading this story. It started out beautifully, and put me inside her head from the first word. It was the resolution that didn't finish as well as the beginning set the stage. As I mentioned, there are many unanswered questions I have as a reader at the end of this. I think it could be a five star story with a few details added into just the right places. The story moved quick, and didn't bore at all, but I wanted to know what happened to her.

         Dee

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Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi Pebbles. I'm reviewing your story, "The Aroma of Coffee."

*StarfishR* STORY ELEMENTS *StarfishR*

Title/Description & Genre

Let's face it, you'll attract people to this story just by the title alone, not to mention the amazingly vivid description line that accompanies it! The title is so descriptive, it doesn't even need a description line! You didn't put this into any particular genre, but I would say it could easily fall into several categories such as, Literary, fiction, realistic, or even women's.

Plot/Setting & Structure

This seems to have a soft plot. It has a beginning, middle and end to it, but it's almost a vigenette. The story, while very exotic and engaging with it's references to religion, rosary beads, sins, and especially the pleasures of the night, peaks my interest, the title and descriptions in the story tell me its about the morning nuances and the delight of waking to the "aroma of coffee." You showed me the pleasure of waking to the smell of the beans wafting through the window, while taking in alll the sights, sounds and smells of that summer's morn, rather than only about waking to coffee. And that's what really made this story, to me. All the visual and olfactory pleasures being experienced by Delia, rather than only the coffee. It's the combination that makes this a heavenly piece to read and experience, not to mention bringing back my own memories of a similar experience, in Monaco! There's something about coffee, the charm of a mediteranian village on a mountain, and being in Italy, that makes a story top notch in my book!

Character/POV & Dialogue

Delia is a refreshing character. She's a little demure, yet confident, and she's a creature of routine while a little devilish, in the face of her religion, which she obviously nurtures, despite her indulgences. You've told the story through her POV of course, which is why as a reader, I didn't just read the words, I saw the village out her window as though I was standing next to Delia, and I could smell the aromas as well. It was a pleasing read because the story came alive on the page! I remembered all the fantastic sights, sounds and smells of my last trip to the Med. Amazing!

Tone/Flow/Pacing & Description

The tone of your story felt comfortable and relaxing, like a summer day. Your descriptive writing is eloquent, and did more than simply make me feel like I was there waking up to the aroma of java, it made me think I was remembering a memory of it. It flowed beautifully, and the pace was exactly what it should be, like it says in a song, "easy like a Sunday morning." Truly, you have a gift for descriptive writing. Many people do, but I don't always "feel" the way I did when I read your piece. The only thing I couldn't figure out is if Delia was a nun, if she just worked with Maria, or if she worked at the Monastery. I didn't get a clear picture of what Delia actually is or does for a living. Perhaps adding another sentence about it, or expanding on the one about Maria not making excuses for her again could clear that up.

Punctuation/Grammar & Spelling

You had a couple of minor punctuation and grammar issues, but nothing that can't be found with another edit or grammar check. I did notice a few passive verbs, ex: was broken, was made, be ignored, which can be easily changed to active.

*StarfishR* FINAL THOUGHTS *StarfishR*

Overall, this is a lovely story with a lot of feeling and emotion to it. Although it is written in narrative, the expressiveness of Delia's thoughts come across well, although I think it could really benefit from one or two inner thoughts to add some intimacy to the writing. Captivating writing all the way to the end!

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Review of Independence Day  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A shared image

Hello R. Eduardo. I'm reviewing your short story, "Independence Day."

*StarfishR* STORY ELEMENTS *StarfishR*

Title/Description & Genre

The title you chose suits this story perfectly, and the description line peaked my interest. Both made me want to know what the mom would be freeing her daughter from, and how the she would do it. I always find it more satisfying when the title and description doesn't give away the whole story from the beginning. Most people have read the family/drama genre before, so they can easily relate to some aspect in any family story, even if the main premise doesn't apply to them. You did a good job of portraying domestic abuse in this piece.

Character/POV & Dialogue

The first thing I noticed about your main character, the daughter, is that you didn't name her. I thought it a bit unusual that you didn't name her or the father, but you did name the mother. While it wasn't necessary to name the daughter to enjoy the story, it still would have been nice to know her it. I enjoyed reading your story as she confronted her father. I disliked him right from the first word out of his mouth, and of course, that's the reaction you'd want, since this is a tale of abuse. Very good job keeping the POV from the daughter's perspective. You kept it all the way through the story, even after her mother arrived. You didn't head hop at all, which is great work, considering you had three characters all conversing. Good job. And speaking of conversing, the dialogue really popped. It was realistic, and the characters sounded like every day people. Plus, the dialogue told the story, along with the action. It was a good mix, with more dialogue than description. It didn't bore, it was interesting, and it intensified the situation. With every ssentence the daughter shot back at her father, I was ready for the strap to come out. And each of your characters had their own voice and mannerisms also.

It seemed a bit strange that the daughter would say something like "Momma, Father, stop fighting. Our family is back together again. We should celebrate this, I can make us a nice dinner." She has been abused by her father, and she looks forard to getting away from him, so it sounded a bit too happy go-lucky in that one sentence, and the one following it, where she says, "God, can you guys stop! This should be a happy day. Momma has been freed from jail. We're all together. Let's just be happy." A few minutes later she and Sunny are talking about burning him.

Tone/Flow & Pacing

At the start of the story, the tone felt depressing. I wouldn't call it dark, but it was intense. Once the mother showed up, the tone began to change. It felt darker at that point, especially when the discussion of burning the father came up. This has a good flow to it. There were no gaps, and it wasn't choppy at all. Each paragraph moved into the next one with ease. The flow made the readability factor high, and it had a comfortable pace throughout. It was just slightly slower at first, but again, once Sunny showed up, it picked up, although not by much.

Punctuation/Grammar & Spelling

I didn't notice any issues with your use of punctuation and grammar, and your spelling is spot on. I think you did a fine job with the editing.

*StarfishR* FINAL THOUGHTS *StarfishR*

Overall, this is a well written story. It held my attention, and I wanted to see what was going to happen to her and to her father. I was waiting for him to get what was coming to him. I especially liked how the mother took the blame, or at least took care of the situation with the police so her daughter could go back to her foster parents. Sunny showed her love for her daughter in that moment. Nice way to convey that idea.

Thank you for sharing your story.

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Review by Dee
Rated: E | (5.0)
I enjoyed reading your article about reviewing. I rated it a five because you verbalized exactly how I try to review, and my own thoughts about how I do it. As I read this, it felt like I was literally listening to myself. I've always said that even when I do not enjoy a particular genre, I can review it on its own merits and writing techniques. Everyone can benefit from reading this, but it would be especially helpful to newbies who are apprehensive about reviewing.


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Review by Dee
Rated: E | (5.0)
Fantastic activity, Bubblegum! Here's my fill in the blank story:

Once upon a time there was a horse named Joey, who lived on a Thoroughbred farm.

Everyday, Joey grew sadder and sadder as he watched the Thoroughbreds racing on their track. He was just a pleasure riding horse, he thought, no one even notices me here.

One day, his owner threw a birthday party for their daughter and her friends, and Joey was the life of the party. He rode the kids around, played games with them, and made them laugh and smile. They loved him and threw their arms around his neck. "We love you, Joey," They said. "The other horses never let us ride them, or play with us. They're stuck up, and you're so much fun to have around!"

Because of that, Joey no longer felt sad. He would take his riders past the snooty Thoroughbreds, with his head held high.

Until finally, his owner saw that Joey was actually faster than his Thoroughbreds, and offered Joey the chance to race, but Joey realized being a pleasure horse was a pleasure after all.


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Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Invalid Photo #1047538

Hi Breach! Thank you for requesting a review. I'm Dee, as you know, and a member of the WDC Power Reviewers.


*StarP* STORY ELEMENTS *StarP*


Genre/Title 10/10 Points

The decision to list this as a fantasy for your genre of choice, was perfect. There is no mistaking the fact that it has all the elements of a fantasy tale. I could also see you listing your second choice of genre as a War story, perhaps. Although, since I have not read Chapters 1-8, and you asked me to review Chapter 9, I am assuming this also incorporates war, or the possibility of war into the story, from what I've read so far.

The title is interesting. It would seem that it also encompasses the idea of this chapter as they work to make sure their camp isn't breached while they rest. If the title has some other significant meaning, I, unfortunately, didn't grasp it. I believe that not having read the earlier chapters will make many of the things that happen in the story, unclear to me.

Setting/Theme/POV 10/10

The setting of your fantasy world speaks of several villages and towns, as well as the "wooded road" Tyollis and his company are traveling on. You have created your setting adding many details that makes it a vivid, and realistic place in my mind. With one chapter being read, it's difficult for me to know what the Theme of your story actually is, as opposed to what I might think it is. Honestly, I haven't got a clue from just this chapter. I will, for the benefit of the doubt, assume your theme is being nurtured throughout the story.

I liked that you used the Third Person Limited POV for this tale. It makes it a more rounded story. This is one of my two favorite POVs. And you stayed in Tyollis' head, keeping the story from his perspective, with no head hopping that I noticed.

Plot/Story/Hook 10/10

Again, I must reiterate that you having asked me to review only Chapter 9, makes it very difficult for me to see if the plot and your opening hook has been incorporated into your writing. I have to assume it has been, because the story is really very interesting, and the writing is well done. So I will also rate this according to my perception of this one chapter. The plot for the chapter itself was exceptionally well designed, as you set Tyollis up for Branston's betrayal and escape. To me, the hook for the chapter would be when Branston and Tyollis discussed the stone fish-pendant saldacrosse and that Branston's father was a Wizard or a Breach Warden. That pulled me into the story much farther than the beginning.

Characters & Dialogue 9/10

Your characters, mainly Tyollis and Branston are fleshed out, well-rounded characters. I found them to be unique, with their own voice, speech patterns, and language. They were not cardboard characters in any way! These two characters jumped off the page at me, even in Chapter 9, where I had not read about them in an earlier chapter. They were real to me, in the sense that they felt like actual people, in a real world. Your use of mannerisms was excellent. Very good work with characterization.

Descriptive Writing/Flow & Pacing 10/10

Your use of descriptive writing is really very good! I enjoyed reading this because of the details. The story came alive, and you did little, if any, telling, showing me this imaginative world you've created. I liked that I didn't read much in the way of info dump, and that you used a lot of dialogue around your well-chosen details. One thing I especially liked about your writing was that many of the descriptions and dialogue was short and snappy, no long monologues or long paragraphs. With this type of story, I would have lost interest with excessively long writing for either of those.

The flow and pacing of this story is the elephant in the room. The flow was always handled well. It read easy, no choppy sentences, no difficut or awkard transitions, but the pacing often slowed down and speeded up. Sometimes it felt a bit draggy in places. But do not let that bother you, it was an excellent story regardless. Remember, I'm the one who normally doesn't read this style of fantasy story, so this element of pacing could simply be my preference, when in fact, there's nothing wrong with the way you've written it. I'd get a second opinion about the pacing. Don't rely on my comment only. *Smile*

The Overall Feeling of The Story 10/10

The overall feeling of this story is tension. I felt an amazing amount of tension and even some controlled fear throughout the chapter. It also felt dark, as many fantasy tales often do when they involve wizards, war, territory, and other medieval issues of the day. I don't normally read this type of fantasy story. I tend to gravitate more to the lighter, mystical types of stories (even when they include warring elements or stories like GOT), however *your* story kept my attention and, more importantly, it kept my interest! Again, good job.

Grammar & Punctuation 9/10

Primarily, you did a wonderful job with the grammar and punctuation. I saw very little in the way of errors or misuse of grammar, although there were one or two items that could easily be caught with another quick check--nothing major, just tweeks to make it perfect. I was impressed. For as long as your chapter was, you did a commendable job.

The Most Memorable Part 10/10

This is a no-brainer for me. The most memorable part was when Branston grabbed back the stone fish penchant saldacrosse and disappeared! Almost like magic! Like his father would have used, perhaps? Or maybe he did use the magic to escape. Either way, it was an excellent scene.

*StarP* FINAL COMMENTS *StarP*

Once again, let me just say how much I enjoyed reading this chapter. Honestly though, if you ask someone to review it, I would ask them to either review the whole novel, or at least start with chapter one. I was missing so much information from not having read the first eight chapters, that my review might have been somewhat different if I had. I believe I could have offered more in the way of reactions that could give you more feedback, or I might have had more helpful suggestions.

Good work with this chapter.

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Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)


Hi Pat! I'm here in your port today reviewing your prose piece, "The Old Iron Bunk Bed."

HOW I FOUND YOU

I found you when I visited the Newbies Academy Showcase List. Congratulations on being a Showcase Member for May!

MY THOUGHTS

This piece made quite an impression on me. I was glued to every word, while imagining such a enjoyable place. You have these wonderful memories that just glide off the page as you describe them. I loved the fact that it wasn't just a camp, it was a Christian camp, with not only good, clean fun and activities for all, but a place that provides kinship between campers who have a love of God. And I found your description of it to be a place that provides values and principles for kids and people of all ages to benefit from.

Your descriptions truly evoked specific images in my mind. I especially loved this line. "My favorite place is not a stream where the water laughs and giggles as it dances over the stones in its way." What an amazing picture you painted with this, not to mention other statements that came alive for me as I read them!

Another aspect of this prose I enjoyed was how you combined the beauty of nature and the love of God, and how they were the foundations that built a lifetime of friendship. Truly inspiring and warm memories. It's no wonder you can recall all the emotions you felt as you wrote about it. How could anyone forget a place that made them feel the way you describe? I certainly could not.

The joy, the magic, the special feelings and bonds were conveyed in a way that I believe I understand exactly how you felt. This is a delightful read! I actually read this twice, because I felt as though I was there by the way you wrote it. That's a tool for the Writer's Toolbox, for sure!

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Review by Dee
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi Char! I stopped by your port today to review "Cillian the Unlucky."

*StarR* HOW I FOUND YOU *StarR*

I found you when I visited the Newbies Academy Showcase List. Congratulations on being a Showcase Member for May!

Genre *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

I loved this combination! Choosing to make this an action-adventure/comedy made this story fun, action oriented and funny in places. How funny to make the statement about not believing in mythical creatures, while braiding your unicorn's mane! LOL! Great start to this tale! (Pardon the pun!) I think you could easily list this as fantasy also.

Title *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

I found the title curious, to say the least. I didn't know who Cillian was when I read the title, but understanding he's unlucky meant I was in for a funny and entertaining read! This was a good choice. I also wondered, where did Char get the name Cillian from? Very unusual.

Plot *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

Your plot is easy to follow. Sam is being recruited by Cillian to help him get to the end of the rainbow before the 49 Clovers do, and his strategy of getting Sam to comply is hilarious! I admit, I didn't realize Cillian was tricking Sam until the end of the story either, so you did a great job concealing Cillian's true intentions.

Story Setting *Star**Star**Star**Star**HalfStar*

Other than being in an apple orchard, you didn't really give any indication of where this was happening, or what sort of world it took place in. While not having any real detail about the setting, it didn't detract from the story in any way.

Story POV *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

I liked that even though you could have easily told this from a first-person POV you chose to use the third-person limited. I've always preferred third-person for most of my own stories, although first-person does work best for certain stories.

Characters *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

The two characters in this story, Sam and Cillian are unique, and have very different voices, mannerisms, and personalities. There is no way you can mistake one for the other. They both play well off each other too. Cillian is an excellent antagonist, even though he isn't too swift when it comes to understanding Sam! I found this line hysterical. "No, Cillian, I didn't mean you help. You go. Someone who isn't Cillian the Unlucky, help me!"

Dialogue *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

I would describe the dialogue as zippy and quick. The dialogue was necessary to moving the plot along, and it was often very humorous. It sounded realistic for a fantasy, and appropriate the the type of story this is.

Story Structure *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

While the story has a definite beginning, middle and ending, the resolution, while funny, confused me a bit. I didn't quite follow how he tricked Sam, exactly. Cillian was the Lucky Charms Leprachan, but how that tricked and bothered Sam confused me.

The Overall Feeling *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

The feeling throughout this story was light humor with some light action (nothing hardcore), which made it a great read for anyone.

Punctuation/Grammar *Star**Star**Star**Star**Star*

I didn't see anything in the way of punctuation or grammar issues, but then I tend to only point something out if it is really noticable or problematic.

*StarR* FINAL COMMENTS *StarR*

Your story had good readability, the language used was not below or above the characters or the story itself, and it is appropriate for just about anyone to read. It provided good, clean laughter, and was just plain fun!

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Review of Sunday Friends  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)


Hi Char. I'm visiting your port today to review your story, Sunday Friends.

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

I thought this was a great little story! It had a bit of mystery to it, a bit of unpronouced humor, and a lot of friendship. I liked the idea of these two very different men meeting and forging an unlikely friendship.

This Title described the story in direct terms, and it sounded pleasant. I especially liked the Description line. Using the phrase making friends in desperate places really caught my attention.

Your Setting seems to be a lake area, probably a park with a lake, or a body of water located in a town, although you didn't say where this took place. The one reference to the lake didn't have enough detail to know where this story took place.

You have a simple Plot that revolves around helping someone with a problem, or being a shoulder for someone to lean on when they are down. While this is not an original concept, the idea of one of those people being a down and out clown certainly qualifies as an original idea. The conflict being, his own disappointment in himself.

I learned quite a bit about your Characters, Richard and Carlos, from their own actions and their interactions with each other. Richard, turning to ask Carlos if he was okay, when his first thought was to turn away, spoke volumes about his empathy for another person in need. And Carlos mentioning that Richard was the first person to ask him what was wrong, also told me about Carlos' state of mind and his need for someone to show concern. These were attributes that were shown and not told in narration. They were interesting characters with unique voices and perspectives.

The Dialogue between the two men seemed very natural and realistic. The conversation wasn't snappy, but it was relaxing and warm, like a summer breeze. It accentuated the rapport they built during that chance meeting on Sunday afternoon. I found it an enjoyable read, especially since you didn't use speech tags.

The Pacing & Flow felt just about right. It wasn't too slow, but it didn't fly off too quickly either.

I didn't see any big issues with your Punctuation or Grammar.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

Overall, a good story, nicely written, with a lot of feeling to it.

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Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)


Hello A* Wandering *Faith! I'm visiting your port today to review your story, "Spooky Spectral."

*StarY* MY THOUGHTS *StarY*

You really got my attention with this Title! I was looking through all your items and stopped to read this as soon as I saw it! It's an excellent and pointed title for this tale.

This Plot made a really great read. I loved how Melissa goaded Amy with the tale of the spectral dog. Actually, it was sort of funny too. But you saved the best for last with the information the newspaper revealed. I don't want to ruin the surprise for anyone who might read it.

Your Characters were presented in such a way that I felt like I knew them both. Between showing me their personalities, and the way that they interacted with each other, made them real to me. They both have very different and unique voices, and play well off each other.

The Dialogue was wonderful! It was snappy, realistic, and showed me how they felt about each other. They clearly don't care for each other.

Overall, your story kept me on the edge of my seat right along with Amy. This is a fun read with good Flow and Pacing. It has an easy readability to it.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*


The only suggestion I would make is in the Punctuation/Grammar area. Each character's dialogue should be on A separate line.

Good job with this tale!

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Review of Dear Sweetheart  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers

Hi Meduf. I'm reviewing your story, "Dear Sweetheart" today!

*Star* STORY ELEMENTS *Star*

I usually save my personal comments for the end of a review, but I've got to say that this was a *perfect*, heartwarming, 5-star story! Every word, every sentence, every memory created the intense feelings of love and devotion from Alex. For a short piece of fiction, this was a powerful piece of writing! I so wanted his partner to wake up and express their love in return for Alex's devotion. I read till the last word, wondering all the while.

The beauty of this story is in the memories, and how Alex remembers every detail and every feeling from those memories. You really outdid yourself with this, meduf, conveying those thoughts with passion, as well as showing how Alex feels about the bonds of marriage!

I can offer no suggestions. In fact, I can't even offer a useful comment because it is well-written in my opinion. I thoroughly enjoyed the read.

Thank you for sharing this with us!

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Review of Devoured  
Review by Dee
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)


Hi Char. I'm reviewing your story, "Devoured" today!

*StarY* STORY ELEMENTS *StarY*

First, I saw this was a contest entry, but you didn't categorize it. I would say this falls under the "psychological" Genre and could even combine with horror. This is an interesting combination, for sure!

The Title and Description caught my eye when I searched your entries for a story to review. I was certain it was going to be a horror story, but the description told me it would be much more than a simple scary tale, and it didn't disappoint!

I enjoyed reading this story from Kate's POV. This story really got to me, because I believed Kate...at the beginning, and then I didn't. Great use of perspective.

This story definitely has a clear Structure to it, with a beginning, middle and end. It has one POV, and has all the elements to make it an excellent, fast read. You use one central "idea," if you will, to lead the reader through the story, and that's the idea that Kate is imagining the situation. You also use Kate's actions and statements to make us believe in her, that the "man from the accident" is real. This was well done, because I was convinced.

The Plot is clear, with Kate's brother having to watch over his sister, even though he'd rather not. Delivering her home proves to be more challenging than it should have been, even though he expects problems. This simple plot makes the details surrounding the situation much more intense and frightening. You did a wonderful job building the suspense through this simplicity.

The Character of Kate is well-defined as far as her personality is concerned, and especially as far as her state-of-mind, although we don't know much about her physical attributes. Alex is clear in my mind also, but again, not because of any details about him or physical attributes, but because of his attitude and reaction to his sister and her mental state. His impatience with his sister was convincing. And Kate's insistence about helping the man was also convincing. Both characters were believable and reacted the way we would expect someone in their situation to react.

The Dialogue was very well written. I completely believed them when they spoke, and they sounded like a real person would sound like under stress or in a critical situation. You didn't use speech tags, which made the conversation really pop! Yet, while the comments and language seemed spot on, the differences between Kate and Alex's verbiage didn't seem different from each other. They did sort of sound the same, with regard to their voice.

Your use of Punctuation and Grammar seemed accurate. I didn't notice any issues or problems. If there was a missing comma or other mark, I wasn't distracted by it.

The Overall Feeling of the story was dark and confusing. Not confusing in the sense that I didn't understand the story. I mean the situation and the turmoil they find themselves in is rather a state of confusion in itself.

*StarY* FINAL COMMENTS *StarY*

I *truly* enjoyed reading this! First, it was a fast read, not slowed down by too many details or any speech tags. Second, it flowed very well, and had all the tension and mystery in the right places. I was hooked, and had to read to the end to see if I was right about Kate or not.

...I wasn't. (And what a great surprise, too!)



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Review of Non-Fiction  
Review by Dee
Rated: E | (5.0)
I found your articles to be well-written, informative, and especially touching. I am not disabled in a way where I cannot work or function on a daily basis, although I do share two of your disabilities, but I do understand what it's like to have to deal with very difficult hardships because of the issues and pain we have.

I think your attitude about your disabilities are both inspiring and enlightening. I'm sure both come from your own strength of character and from God, which I also understand, as I'm a Christian myself. It's clear that your faith provides you the ability to recognize your talents and indulge in them.

You have a wonderful portfolio of fiction and other items, but I especially enjoyed reading your non-fiction articles, such as "My Experience Living with A Disability," "Miracle of January 29, 2017," and your "Dear Me" letter. Your letter was truly inspirational! I thoroughly enjoyed reading it. And I found your blog to be one I could easily relate to.

I have no doubt you will achieve your goals, Bonnie. You have a mind and a will that can't be put down, another one of God's gifts to you.


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